my mum screamed at my son

[tma1968]

my son is 10 and i thought he was at his friends house when he was actually in the park. i rang my mum just to see if he was there as id nipped out and told him to go nans if he needed anything. (we live close to the park, friends and each other so he has a fair amount of freedom). i didnt specify a time for him to come home and when i rang him he didnt answer so i called to his friends house to be told he was at the park. i was on my way to the park when mum rang and informed me that he was there (as id instructed) and that she has "bollocked" him (her words not mine). i was a bit taken aback as id not said he was in trouble or that i was worried , she assumed that i was. i said send him home and when i opened the door he looked terrified so i said "its ok son ur not in trouble" to which he burst into tears and sobbed saying "nan screamed at me tellin me i should answer my fone" i didnt get much more of the story as he was too upset. im absolutely furious. why did she want to shout at my little boy like that?? why didnt she say "oh love you might b in trouble, hurry home" or whatever....who the f**k does she think she is?? should i say something?

[BarricadesBabe]

Your mum has no right to bollock him. None.

Massive eye-rolls to this. She's his grandmother, ffs, not some random passer-by, and if the OP asks her to look out for him and generally assume the responsibility of a parent she needs to be able to bollock him as a parent would.

[titchy]

Maybe you should keep a closer eye on him...

[MrsJayy]

Nobody said he was missing he hadnt checked in and your mum probably overreacted but she didnt know where he was the arrangement is so vague roaring can be translated to a telling off and your son may have taken offence

[IrianofWay]

I don't blame your mum at all. He was not following the very sensible rules applied for his safety and in order that he can have some freedom. I expect she panicked and was concerned that you were worried too.

I also suspect that his definition of 'screaming at him' may not coincide with other people's.

[tma1968]

Thanx for all ur replies.
He wasn't missing, the area is small and it isn't unusal for him to be at the park with friends or at one of their houses. I wasn't concerned I just asked was he there and she said no. She obviously assumed I was worried when i wasn't at all. I just don't understand why she thought it was her place to tell him off. He's not molly coddled or spoiled. He's actually a very nice boy who generally does as he's told. He'd gone to nans on my instruction not realising that I, by that time was in. He'd only been out an hour and returned when everyone else went in as usual. It's a case of crossed wires and I won't b saying anything I just wish she hadn't roared at him. She worked in a school for years and always says shouting and aggression is wrong and doesn't solve anything and then doesn't practice what she preaches with her own grandson. He just didn't deserve It.

[ClarenceTheLion]

It was a miscommunication. Maybe she picked up on anxiety in your voice and thought you were worried. But it's not the end of the world for him to know his Nan has a fiery side...

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hissy Sorry that your mum has been violent towards your son. Your opinion is understandable.

[Hissy]

Im protective of my child because my mother has hurt my son. Her husband has tried to intimidate us too, so forgive me if I'm projecting.

My son gets plenty discipline, a look of mine will stop him in his tracks, but no, aside from school professionals etc, nobody except me gets to discipline him.

He has plenty respect for authority. He also knows that my trust in him depends on him being where he's supposed to be, and back when he's supposed to be.

[VelvetSpoon]

Being shouted at occasionally really doesn't hurt a child, especially not one aged 10 who is responsible enough (apparently) to wander off to the park/friends unsupervised.

Is it half term where you are OP? Just wondering why he wasn't at school.

[AnyFucker]

If you want your mum to be involved in the raising of your child ( and it sounds like you, and she is) then she should be able to discipline him in the way she sees fit

Have you actually asked her side of the story or are you taking the word of a child who is possibly trying to deflect attention away from the fact he was MIA ?

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I just don't like some parent's attitude to discipline which is that no one apart from them has the right to reprimand their child.
I think the 10 year old boy here was perhaps more embarrassed than anything that he got told off in front of his pals by his gran!

[Joysmum]

Repost op but say you were in waitrose while all this was taking place

[MypocketsarelikeNarnia]

Wow. Exciting answers!

I sometimes don't hear my phone. If I was ten and was playing in a park that would be much more likely. Op didn't tell her dp that ds was in trouble. So why the 'bollocking'?

Not sure why people are extrapolating that the op has no control over her ds. Or that she is responsible for society's ills. Maybe it's because she hasn't put in paragraphs. I find you get flamed a lot less if you use paragraphs.

Repost op but say you were in waitrose while all this was taking place.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Op you know your mum and your ds, we don't.

You must know if your ds is special snowflake who has never had a bollocking so might get upset after one off your mum/or might be scared he's about to get one off of you, or if you mum is capable of excessive aggression when telling off a child that he comes home terrified.

[SheSparkles]

Posted too soon! When my children were that age (and even now youngest is in his teens), me knowing where they were was non negotiable, and we live in an exceptionally "safe" area.
With rights come responsibilities, he has the right to roam pretty much free range, therefore he has the responsibility to let you know that if he isn't at A, he'll be at B...

[SheSparkles]

Your mum has no right to bollock him. None.

And this is why we are now raising a generation of children who have no respect for authority

[MrsJayy]

He didnt answer his phone he sauntered in she was probably concerned and worried id have bollocked mine too sorry im sure he has got into trouble before i am sure he will be fine

[Joysmum]

Ask her what happened!

I'd have no problem with my DM giving my daughter a rollicking if she went missing. I know how she parents after all and have no issues with how she raised me

Damn right I'f be angry and upset with my child going AWOL and breaking my trust and it does them no harm to know it.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Your mum was right.

[Jan45]

So no parent has ever shouted at their child when in a state of worry - would love to meet that person. By parent, I also include grandparent.

Ok she shouted, she didn't physically attack him or shout for no apparent reason, Jesus, talk about ott reactions to a perfectly understandable reaction.

And, the OP has only heard the version of it from a ten year old.

Talk to your mum but do not go in all guns blazing.

[CooPie10]

He deserved the bollocking and at least your mother had sense to see that. Why should she Molly coddle with 'there there' when he should have answered his phone? Sounds like it's the first time he got a telling off and is actually crying about that.

[LazyDaysAndTuesdays]

Does your mum have form for inappropriate tirades at children? Or do you think your ds is exaggerating because he didn't want a bollocking off you?

I agree.

[Hissy]

Of course you can tell your mother that the discipline of your children is up to you.

She is welcome to express her concern, displeasure, but shouting? No. Unacceptable. It's not her place to do that.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hissy I don't think you can forbid a grandmother from disciplining her grandchild, particularly if he is in her care for some of the time. That would be a recipe for disaster. Agreed she may have overstepped the mark on this occasion, but she possibly misread the situation.

[Shutthatdoor]

He's 10, he wasn't where you thought he was, he wasn't answering his phone? I'd have bollocked him too.

Yep me too