New partner has money...

[FishyInTheSea]

And I don't basically.

I'm just feeling a bit self concious at the moment, all in my own head though.

He is University educated, had a good job (is a SAHD now) has a large house, his kitchen is about the size of my whole downstairs. Mortgage paid off, nice car.

And I live in very small council accommodation with no assets or car.

He has never made me feel anything less than a princess and he says possessions are immaterial and he loves me whether I have a quid in the bank or a million. But he's not been to my house yet (long distance relationship ) and is due to soon. I just feel really ... well ashamed I think? That I never pushed for anything more than what I have here. My house is really tiny and cramped. One tiny bathroom whereas he has three!

I know it might seem like I'm focusing on money, but I feel embarrassed because I don't want him to pay for things for me but I don't always have the money disposable like he does to do things, I always insist I pay my half but can put a strain on things. He only has 1 child whereas I have more.

Has anyone been in a relationship where the balance is tipped like this?

I know I need to get over it. It's all in my head, not his. I just feel a little embarrassed.

[MaisieDotes]

I think I will look up courses

OP I was just going to say why not do something like this. If your youngest is starting school you'll have time in the mornings. Distance courses are good but maybe you could even find something part-time in a local adult education centre or part time uni course. Mixing with others is sometimes as beneficial as the course itself.

You could learn a new skill or study a subject you're interested in. It could open up a lot of possibilities for you and, as an aside, it gives you something to tell people when they ask what you're about.

[DCITennison]

If your youngest is now at school I think the course idea may not be a goer unfortunately, assuming you're receiving benefits then afaicr you'll be (have been?) switched to job seekers with all the hoops that go along with that.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Fishy I think you sound lovely even to think of this - I've known too many who'd be only too glad to take advantage, and your not being one of them is probably another reason he's so keen on you

Completely agree on being honest about how you feel, and it's not as if you have to spend a fortune to "do your share." Since he can afford fancy meals out, etc, anything you bought like that would be no novelty, so why not concentrate on things like lovely home cooked meals which he'd probably enjoy even more? Same goes for meeting the family - anyone can nip into a shop, but to take something thoughtful which you've spent time and care on? Now surely that really would go down well ...

[chilledwarmth]

I really don't think it will be a problem from what you've described. Why feel ashamed? Some people have lots of money, and other people have less. There is nothing shameful about it. It seems to be a good relationship so just try putting the thoughts to the back of your head. As others have said you have nothing to be ashamed of.

[pocketsaviour]

Deo

If you outsource properly and plan well, it's quite easy to run a hands off business from home and fit it in around the DCs school/nursery times, half terms, etc. And if residence is 50/50 then it could be a perfect fit.

You do need a fair amount of start up capital and good skills though. Sadly

[Threefishys]

How new is new partner? And it doesn't sound like he has money per se? I for example own my house, business property and car outright. I am self employed and get by, but I'm not cash rich now at all. It wouldn't enter my head that someone who doesn't own what I own is beneath me in fact I dont consider myself well off though I understand others do. My partner rents his home and has an older car etc. Never enters my head. However if you'd said he was minted I'd have said proceed with care - rich men do like to 'rescue' women they perceive to be 'Eliza Doolittle' projects. It's a ego boost to them. seen it happen a lot.

[BonnieF]

You are doing absolutely the right thing by insisting on paying your way. He will respect you for that and it will reassure him that you like him for who he is, and are not interested in his money.

Good luck!

[Borninthe60s]

When you meet his family, look at them and remember they sit on the toilet and shit out,of the same hole you do. In all seriousness this helps me in loads of,situations!!

[ohYestoYestyn]

I'm curious, how did you meet him, OP if you usually only spend time with family or a few friends, and are SAHM. Online? Many of us on MN would love to know where to meet a decent man Like that, open-minded.

Somewhat agree with Three, that if he is new BF, be careful not to be too swept off your feet so that you are sure he's not controlling and likes ' project' or likes someone to look up to him. Even if you feel like you aer looking up to him, don't show it, he needs to see you value yourself.

[ohYestoYestyn]

a project

[timeisnotaline]

Open university courses eg coursera are 4-6 weeks, purely online and free, about 3-5 hours a week typically. you would have time to enrol in one, start it and feel like you are testing the waters for studying and have something 'equivalent' to mention to his family to help your confidence. I hope they are as lovely as he sounds though and you won't have anything to worry about!