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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

husband sleeping with prostitutes

33 replies

mich1982 · 10/08/2015 03:27

Hello I found out today that my husband has been sleeping with prostitutes. Well, he says it was just massages with a helping hand at the end, but I don't believe him. We have been together 5 yrs and only married a month and he has been doing it for 6 months- even after the wedding. He blames his mental health as he thinks he is bipolar and I have been asking him to get help for years but he wouldn't see a therapist. Now he says he will see someone and wants me back, he's sorry and won't do it again blah blah.... what do I do? I have a 9 yr old son from a previous relationship but my husband has raised him as his own. I feel like my world is falling apart and if I hadn't found out how long would he have carried on for? We own our own company so we have to work together and I have to see him everyday.

OP posts:

Report

TiredOfPeople · 14/08/2015 14:48

Cheats habitually minimize their behaviour in order to minimize the consequences

This!! ^

I'd get yourself checked out hon, whoever has touched him has also been "touching" God knows how many other men.

Bleakhouse1879 · 14/08/2015 11:31

Tuck: I have been shirking my responsibilities, I know. Full service will be resumed later today

Dowser · 14/08/2015 07:19

You've only been married a month. Poor you. I'm so sorry.

I found out after my husband left that he'd been using prostitutes. In thic country an on his travels abroad.

We only ever get to know the tip of the iceberg. He's totally abused your trust and you will never be able to trust him again.

Cut him loose. You ar in for a very rough ride if you stay with this man

Smilingforth · 14/08/2015 06:12

How awful; stay strong

Tucktalking · 14/08/2015 00:50

Agony uncle bleak where were you? People needed you on your column?

ElderlyKoreanLady · 14/08/2015 00:46

Mine said he'd just sent the dick pic that I found on his phone. Turns out he was shagging his ex behind my back for over a year and telling her how big a mistake it was proposing to me and planning a child with me. Cheats habitually minimize their behaviour in order to minimize the consequences.

So where I wouldn't personally claim that it's a certainty that OP's OH only got handjobs, I'd fall off my chair in shock if that were actually the case.

Enoughalreadyyou · 14/08/2015 00:36

Somehow I knew you were hairy handed Bleak. What evidence is there that he's not? The man is a liar and a deceiver obviously so to take his word would be plainly ridiculous.
Anyhow does it matter? He's clearly overstepped the line. I was advising OP to backtrack like I had to. They all say it was a handjob. I backtracked twenty years after my ex said the same thing. Must be a script.

Bleakhouse1879 · 13/08/2015 23:52

Enoughalreadyyou

"...It will definitely be full sex and it will have gone on a lot longer than he says..."

Please could you enlighten us all with what evidence you have to substantiate
these very serious allegations you have leveled at him. If that is not possible for you to do, please will you retract your statement.

over to you...

Lweji · 13/08/2015 23:37

I wonder if his supposed bipolarity is used to excuse other behaviours you're not happy with.

As it stands, I'd think too little too late. If you ever consider the possibility of going back it should be after he proved himself, got help, etc. Not for a few weeks, even a few months. More like a few years.

Has he even booked an appointment, or is it dependent on you taking him back?

onionlove · 13/08/2015 23:31

Same thing happened to me honey, well I have been separated over a year, I just couldn't live with that, crosses a line for me I'm afraid. I still have to see him because of kids and it still turns my stomach. Its selfish and vile and he would have never changed. Who knows what else he lied to me about. Look after yourself and your son x please pm me if you want to chat x

cozietoesie · 13/08/2015 21:36

By the way, OP. Have you been for a sexual health check? If not, I'd go immediately - they're very easy and straightfoward.

cozietoesie · 13/08/2015 21:33

...bi-polar is very hard to live with, it affects your everyday life but in no way does it make you a cunt. If you act like a cunt it just means you're a cunt...

Boy that's good. It realy hits.

Smilingforth · 13/08/2015 21:29

Poor you. It's very hard but you need to be strong.

FolkGirl · 13/08/2015 20:08

Bottom line is this.

Even if he were to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it still wouldn't make it ok, or mean you had to put up with it.

Kick him out. He's vile.

justabigdisco · 13/08/2015 19:33

I can tell you now, people who claim to have bipolar while refusing to seek help / a diagnosis almost certainly don't have bipolar. They probably have good days and bad days, possibly with depression, but that's not what bipolar is.

AnyFucker · 13/08/2015 19:25

but that's not too bad because it wasn't "full sex"

really ?

YUDOTHIS · 13/08/2015 19:19

Nolim- a massage with a handjob at the end.
Sorry OP id be gone.

Nolim · 13/08/2015 19:04

Well, he says it was just massages with a helping hand at the end

Erm… What?

SoleBizzzz · 13/08/2015 19:02

End the relationship.

Smilingforth · 13/08/2015 18:39

It's very hard; my thoughts are with you.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 13/08/2015 16:19

IME (which is sadly extensive) some people repeatedly use undiagnosed mental health issues to excuse bad behaviour. My ex used his undiagnosed 'bipolar' to excuse his general bad treatment of me, drug issues, repeated infidelity, use of sex workers and more serious abuse of me. All the while he claimed he didn't need a diagnosis as he doesn't believe medicating is the way to go. He didn't fit any of the markers for type 1, type 2 or rapid cycling bipolar.

FolkGirl · 13/08/2015 15:47

I would end it over this. He is vile.

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Lavenderice · 13/08/2015 15:39

I thought so too Reality, she's my best mate for a reason!

RealityCheque · 13/08/2015 14:20

"bi-polar is very hard to live with, it affects your everyday life but in no way does it make you a cunt. If you act like a cunt it just means you're a cunt"

That is fucking brilliant.

Lavenderice · 13/08/2015 13:53

When I was going through an absolutely horrendous time with my ex who was also bi-polar my very wise bi-polar best friend said "bi-polar is very hard to live with, it affects your everyday life but in no way does it make you a cunt. If you act like a cunt it just means you're a cunt"

She was right, hence the reason he's my ex.

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