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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Online guy - heavy

36 replies

Goodbyemylove · 31/07/2015 19:32

I went on a date with a guy last week, nice enough but I didn't want another date. He texted and rang, wanting to chat, he would love to see me again, just see how it goes. I said no, blocked his number and then he contacted me on whatsapp, just give me a chance, I'm a nice guy, what have you got to lose and persuaded me to see him one more time.

So after the second date today he sent me an enthusiastic text afterwards saying he would like to meet up again. I didn't feel the same so said thanks but I didn't want to pursue it any further. He texted to say he was stunned, hadn't seen it coming, was he not attractive enough etc., please don't block my number again, then he rang to say the same but said ok he wouldn't contact me.

Then he texted again to say be honest, what was it, he needs to know. Then he rang again practically begging for a shag, could he do it 'just once.'

Now he has just texted, 'I will do my absolute best to break you down. I really want you and I will do my best to get you.'

Im feeling a bit unnerved now. Why is he not listening to me? Is it enough to ignore and block?

OP posts:

Report

toffeeboffin · 04/08/2015 13:18

Jeeese. Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

Run for them there hills, OP!

DrMorbius · 04/08/2015 12:50

misogamy LOL I am not sure I can even blame my autochecker.
To be clear that I meant misogyny not a man who hates marriage

cleanindahouse · 04/08/2015 12:17

misogamy

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

goodbyemylove · 04/08/2015 12:16

If Solid means women expect to be chased/pursued as it shows a man is keen, then yes I get that.

In this case it was definitely a shag he was after.

OP posts:

BreakingDad77 · 04/08/2015 12:10

OP will have been fed stories and propaganda about how 'romantic' it is when a man keeps basically pestering for sex

I do agree with this now that I'm older, as when I was younger I didn't for once think that pestering wasn't romantic and no one put me right.

I seem it time and time again young angry nice guys who feel they deserve sex/rl as they are a nice guy and not like their cheating player/mate/colleague.

hashtagwhatever · 04/08/2015 11:28

God what an odd ball, hope he has given up pestering you now.

DrMorbius · 04/08/2015 11:20

OP will have been fed stories and propaganda about how 'romantic' it is when a man keeps basically pestering for sex

Total b**x, I have got through my 50 years without ever hearing anything like that. Did I miss out on this school for misogamy??? Obviously. So has practically every guy I have ever met.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/08/2015 10:58

Don't forget that there is immense pressure on women to be available to men, to be'nice' to men and to spend time with men who they do not actually want to spend time with. OP will have been fed stories and propaganda about how 'romantic' it is when a man keeps basically pestering for sex. She'll have been told more than once that rejecting men makes her a 'bitch'.

When it comes to dating and pulling, it's better to be polite the first time you turn someone down (it's not wrong or unreasonable in a social setting for someone to start a conversation with you, offer you a drink or maybe ask for a date). But if the person doesn't immediately back off, it's perfectly all right to be rude, then even ruder. The other person started the rudeness by not leeaving you alone when you asked to be left alone.

FolkGirl · 04/08/2015 09:42

I hope that's it too.

The biggest lesson I learnt from OD was that I had led a very sheltered life!! (Even though I hadn't at all). But I had no idea about the lack of boundaries/bizarre ideas some people have!

Lesson learnt though, eh
Onwards and upwards.

goodbyemylove · 04/08/2015 08:43

Re the second date, I was unsure, he persuaded me. Yes I have certainly learnt go with your instincts. My road came up in conversation as it has the name of my town in it so there is the possibility he will remember it.

Re being one step ahead, I had a stalkerish ex who used to text saying he was in the area and then turn up on the doorstep. At least I was always prepared and wouldn't answer the door (he sat in my front garden once for an hour until I threatened to call the police.)

This guy has deleted his online profile. Last text was 'speak soon ... Ish. Lol x' but nothing yesterday so hoping that's it.

OP posts:

FolkGirl · 04/08/2015 08:22

Why on earth did you agree to a second date with him? And how does he know what road you live on? And why did you unblock him? (Being one step ahead doesn't make sense).

Report his behaviour to the dating site, they can block him from there. Block him on everything and have no further communication with him.

Enforce your own boundaries in future. You're allowed to.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/08/2015 21:04

Tell him that you do not want to hear from him again, and that if he doesn't fuck right off you will report him to the police for harassment.
It's OK to do this. You do not owe him anything. He doesn't matter.

Reubs15 · 03/08/2015 20:33

Please log with 101 just in case x

Hissy · 01/08/2015 00:47

Block him and ignore him, do not engage at all.

If he does not respect that, then absolutely call 101 to ask for advice, they will ask him to back off or harassment Charges can be brought.

FuckingLiability · 31/07/2015 21:58

Calling 101 is OTT. Tell him bluntly (not apologetically) that you're not interested and you don't want him to contact you again, block him and move on.

From what the OP has said, it's not like he's threatened to stake out her home until she gives in, he's just tried too hard and got it wrong.

Goodbyemylove · 31/07/2015 21:53

Thanks for that calleigh. I will do that now.

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 31/07/2015 21:49

Change your whatsapp so your full name isnt on it. Make sure locations services are switched off your phone. Fb messages pin point your house if it is switched on. If you still can, report him to the OLD site for harrassment. Then block his number on your phone.

BolshierAyraStark · 31/07/2015 21:44

Tell him you are not interested end of & if he continues to contact you then it will be logged & reported.

loveyoutothemoon · 31/07/2015 20:53

Agree with sebsmummy

sebsmummy1 · 31/07/2015 20:47

I think you need to say he is scaring you and if he continues to contact you you are going to have no choice but to contact the police regarding harassment. Then say you are logging every communication.

Goodbyemylove · 31/07/2015 20:40

Maybe I'd unblocked him by then. What I worry about with blocking is that I won't know what he's up to. I'd rather be one step ahead.

OP posts:

Turquoisoceans · 31/07/2015 20:30

Call the police. Weirdo alert x

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RubbishMantra · 31/07/2015 20:29

I was going to say YIKES! but FraggleRock beat me to it.

101 is your friend.

How can folk be anything but creeped out by this kind of behaviour?

loveyoutothemoon · 31/07/2015 20:25

Oh dear. Report him on the dating site. He knows the road in which you live? Don't answer the door if he comes knocking. If you blocked his number how did he contact you on whatsapp?

DownAtFraggleRock · 31/07/2015 20:12

yikes

someone clearly told him women like to be 'chased'

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