Am I being unreasonable?

[Summershiny365]

Hello all, I am a married mum of three young children. My husband works very hard and most of the time we happily float along with no real issues! But there is one sticking point which rears its ugly head every time friends or family visit... My husband basically decides it's absolutely his right of passage whilst they are here, to go out drinking whenever he pleases! Last weekend when my brother was visiting they walked to the shop to buy a few beers and didn't return. Saturday night he went over to watch the football at a friends house until 2am but apparently that didn't count either as he wasn't in a pub. This inconsideration makes me feel so alone.
So now it's summer hols we've had a few guests visiting us and more planned! and my husband has been out three weekends in a row already. Always with the same point that as he stays in most of the time he deserves to do as he pleases on these various weeks. I think I could be more on board with this theory if he didn't say things like "well what is there to stay home for? Just us bored watching tv like every other weekend!" ????
I am a stay at home mum, I do work very hard to be a good wife, I cook, clean and care for our children. I dont go out very much and if I do (twice a year?) I would almost always choose to share the time out with my husband!
So here I am, unable to sleep, wondering if I'm being unreasonable asking for him to at least pretend to empthyse with my situation, facing yet another weekend alone!...
I can't stress enough how these few weeks every couple of months almost break us every time! I am not allowed to object and if I do I am being completely unreasonable and trying to cause friction to spoil his night. Should I just grin and bare it? Am I unreasonable??
Thank you for reading xx

[wallaby73]

OP, when do you get the opportunity to go out with your friends, leaving him to care for the dc's?

[Summershiny365]

Yes we are out most of the weekend day time, one of the reasons for moving to the coast x

[Summershiny365]

I can go out if I make plans, he wouldn't stop me but I definitely wouldn't behave like he does so he can say he doesn't stop me going out but he knows I don't get blind drunk and I would always give him notice... I couldn't imagine popping to the shop and not returning!

[wallaby73]

Seriously, maybe you should try it?!

[Sausagerollers]

You could do one of two things:

1. text back saying "great, why don'tyou organise a babysitter and we'll both go out together on sat night?"
   or 2) "great". Then when sat night rolls around order a takeaway, you pop out to get some drinks and then don't go home again until 2am.
   I'd be surprised if you could get away with doing 2) without him ringing/texting you multiple times concerned about your whereabouts / bored that he's been left alone. And if you go with 1) and he doesn't manage to organise a babysitter then he can't blame you for being stuck in for the night.

[Jan45]

He just sounds entitled and selfish to me.

You really need to start having a social life, with or without him, can't help but wonder how he will react to being told it's his turn to stay in, I fear he is quite happy with the status quo.

[Jan45]

And why does the OP have to suggest they go out together, he can can't he, if he actually cared.

[Summershiny365]

Hello! I was thinking of texting ok well I'm out sat so now we don't need a babysitter! But then thought no he expects me to retaliate so instead I used some of the tips from this thread (thank you) and I sent this... Please don't provoke an argument, I didn't ask you to cancel and I didn't expect you to cancel. I was feeling hard done by, facing another weekend alone, especially as I am on duty 24/7 with the kids being on holiday.
I realise I cherish that time to re-connect with each other in any form whether you take me out for dinner or we go to the pub or go for a walk together or we stay in! I look forward to it and was disappointed to miss out again. You don't need to cancel from my point of view, maybe just try and understand how I'm feeling without assuming I'm trying to stop you. If you prefer maybe we could plan a night out together on sat instead? Was this to soft?? I sent it hours ago no reply at all!

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Think you did the right thing. Shame that he felt driven to send a snarky text about Saturday evening. You are not the enemy. Perhaps seeing something of what you feel written down might strike a chord with him.

[Summershiny365]

Thank you x