exP bringing new girlfriend to contact visits with DC - what to do?

[Marmotte3]

I need some advice and an outside perspective on this. I'll give a condensed version of recent history.

Last year (almost to the day) exP choked our eldest DC, myself and younger DC witnessed it. I phoned the police, they came soon after. He denied doing anything but unfortunately this was not an isolated incident, just the worst one. Social Services were involved 6 months previously when DC1 reported to a teacher that the cut on his face was from a punch from daddy. Denied by exP, no witnesses but I believed DC1. I tried to protect them from his angry outbursts but I know now that was never possible.

I left with the DC that day. I got an interim Protection Order then a long term Safety Order when it went to court some months later. I returned with the DC to the shared family home and he rents not far away. I'm in the process of buying him out of his share in the house.

The social worker for the DC has said that all contact with the boys must be supervised by me but he and his parents have constantly tried to undermine me and deny this is necessary. Quite simply, if I do not protect the DC, knowing their dad's history, I risk them being taken away from me if there are any more incidents of abuse.

He has never admitted doing anything wrong or apologised to anyone for what he has done. Apparently I am the one to blame for breaking up the 'happy family'. No matter, life goes on without him.

He visits the DC almost every weekend in our home and the boys are genuinely happy to be with him, usually a few hours of play time with his undivided attention while do all the cooking, cleaning discipline etc. They're young and still very confused as to why daddy can't come back and live with them. They forgive & forget so easily.

So last Sunday he was due to arrive at 3pm to be with the DC. He walked in the front door unannounced (he still has keys) with a girl he introduced to the boys as his friend but who is very obviously his girlfriend - a distinction they wouldn't have a clue about as yet. He then told them they were all going to the zoo together and it was clear to me that he had no intention of including me in his plans, didn't even bother to ask if this was ok.

I didn't want to upset the DC by questioning his plans in front of them. I was pretty sure they would have a great time with their dad on best behaviour with his new girlfriend but still felt what he did was wrong.

So today when he came to see them (alone) he tells them he has tickets to go to a roller skating disco tomorrow (Sunday). Again he makes it obvious to me that I'm not included in the plans, without the DC knowing. I didn't challenge him on it as the DC would only get caught in the middle of any discussion.

I sent him a text saying I will be going with the boys tomorrow. He replies that he won't be alone, I don't need to go.

I replied that the person is a stranger to me and the DC and is not appropriate for supervised visits.

I got a couple of PA texts back from him but didn't respond.

I actually don't know what is the best way for the DC of dealing with this. I don't want to spoil their fun but cannot be lax in supervision as from a previous incident he has shown that he cannot be trusted - a 'fight' broke out between him and DC1 when I was upstairs, back in Feb.

Advise & opinions please.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Yes, very pleased to read your post Marmotte - glad he decided to back down over the disco and what an arse, trying to create a rift by blaming you to his children. Luckily they're still young enough to not be able to communicate directly with him by text!

Of course his parents aren't going to believe their precious son did anything wrong, he will have straight out lied to them. The thing I never get about this sort of situation is, why the hell do they think the police/courts/SWs get involved in the first place if their son is so innocent? They're not prone to taking the word of "mad exes" (which seems to be the usual excuse) without some form of evidence! anyway. I'm sure you've told them they're welcome to visit you and your DC, but that's the only way they'll see them for now.

[Penfold007]

Please follow the advice by anon Your exP has played a very sneak move and tricked you into allowing unsupervised contact. You've breached the social services requirements and he could get you in to trouble.
When you see your solicitor declare the issue, get the house documents signed and inform social services.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Ha yes, good point textfan!
That there Jedi mind control...

[summerainbow]

You can change the locks at time you have lost a key
Just saying

[serene12]

You mentioned that his parents live abroad, and that they would like your children to visit. Not sure if it's been mentioned to you before, but you should hide the children's passports, to prevent your exP taking them to visit them.
Also, I work in child protection and I'm astonished that SS are allowing you to supervise contact in the home, it should be supervised contact in a contact centre