Is it reasonable for my ex to demand to meet my new boyfriend?

[snowflake02]

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and have met someone new. My ex is insisting that he meet my boyfriend before the children meet him and if I don't agree to this he says he will insist on being there when they do meet. Is this a reasonable request?!

[PurpleSwift]

It's unreasonable for him to demand this yes but I think you're being pretty hypocritical to expect to meet his new partner if/when he gets one.

[snowflake02]

I'm not expecting to meet any new partner of his before the children meet her, I would expect it to happen naturally over time, if they were to live together. I certainly would not be demanding a meeting so I can vet her, which is what he is doing. It is up to him who he has a relationship with.

[Chesntoots]

I was seeing someone whose ex said she wanted to meet me to "interview" me (her words).

I will let you guess how that conversation went when he told me...

[snowflake02]

He now says he doesn't have to meet them before the children meet him and has apologised for being unreasonable, but says he has to meet him when the children do instead....

[CherryPicking]

Have any of your children attended pre school? Did you want to meet the staff beforehand? We're you happy for them to 'vet' you and your living arrangements via a home visit? were you, or they being 'controlling' in either of these situations or were both parties,carrying out basic safeguarding to the best of their abilities? There's your answer OP.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

He has to? Then he can fuck right off.

The only sensible and pain-free way to go about this is to say "I don't intend to introduce him to our children until we're both certain that it's going to be a long-term thing". You can be uncertain about the prospects of this relationship or any other for as long as you like.

Don't give in to his demand because he's a fucking presumptuous, controlling prick

[britneyspearscatsuit]

It's reasonable for him to want to, but not reasonable to expect you to agree to it.

What happens if they met and he doesn't like him anyway?

[DisillusionedGoat]

What Bitter said.

[kittybiscuits]

Just sayay no, no, just say no!

[TheWintersmith]

Hahahaha. No

[Astonmarie]

So my Bf who I have been with since the start of February has a 4 year old daughter. He didn't want us to meet instantly, just incase, but 3 or so months into our relationship he'd mention my name and call me his friend, then best friend- slowly introducing the idea of me to her . 4 months, he decides she is happy enough that we decide to go out as a 3, to the zoo as a first meeting for us, that way there are distractions and it isn't too overwhelming for her. His ex and her mum was fine with this .
Should I mention he only gets her every other Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

However , now 7 nearly 8 months together he will be moving in with me. It was originally planned that him and his daughter would stay Friday night at his mums so she sees her too, then Saturday I would pick them up and she'd stay till Sunday and we'd drop her back home to her mum. Now things have changed as there won't be a bed at his mums for them once he moves out. He told his ex and said that it's out of his control but his daughter will spend both nights now with him, at our flat. His ex pulled the plug saying his daughter will no longer be coming over Friday and will not be staying over at all. He'll have to go there and only see his daughter for that Saturday.

His daughter has just started primary school and his ex claims he wasn't thinking about how overwhelming it would be for their daughter, when all he does is consider his daughter. She is his world and his first priority. He can't control the sleeping situation, he is jsut trying to make it work so he gets to see his daughter.

The ex is now demanding to meet me, as she claims my bf doesn't know me , and basically it's for her own anxiety as she doesn't know who is around her daughter.
While I understand the stranger anxiety, why is it coming up now and not when we planned for me to first meet their daughter 4 months ago. The daughter isn't living with us, just sleeping over 2 nights a fortnight, in my spare room that I have kitted out as her own bedroom, etc.

If I don't meet her then she is refusing for my bf to have their daughter on his weekends and He'll have to go to her house on the Saturday to see his daughter and she will demand its in her presence too.

May I mention that she had a bf for a bit and the daughter met him, in bed with her mum one night. That's how they first met and then the ex claims she stopped the relationship cos me and my bf where together and she said it was too much for his daughter.

His daughter is playing up, but she has been well before I was around, but also its expected when you just start school as its all unknown. But she is trying to blame me and she seems to think she is in the right to stop her daughter seeing her dad as much, thinking that'll solve it all.
My bf will always do what is best for his daughter hence slowly introducing me, I don't see her every time he has her as I say she needs time with just her dad too. But me and her have bonded really well


Any advice as I'm pulling my hair out.
She is manipulative, doesn't see what she is doing is wrong ,only everyone is wrong and she has to call the shots and have control otherwise its a no.

[Scienceadvisory]

@Astonmarie best to start your own thread, many won't see your question. For what it's worth I think you and your bf are moving far too quickly given he has a young child.