Difficult situation

[assiren]

I'm a married mother of a 10 year old. I was never looking for another man. I'm telling my story because I'm in a very difficult position. 8 months ago I was traveling on duty back to my home country with the airline I work for. One of the staff onboard introduced me to the others and despite working in sales only the captain and the inflight manager knew me. One of the cabin crew staff tried to approach me but I completely ignored him. The captain onboard invited me for landing and I disappeared. The cabin crew member followed me till baggage claim and asked me to contact him with my contact details as he needed a contact in the sales department. I found it weird as he had worked for the airline for more than 20 years but I gave it little thought. The day after I emailed him my email address and forgot all about it. A few days later he spoke to me on Facebook and I found it quite innocent. He had his profile photo with his wife and I spoke to him. He has 3 children. One exactly my daughter s age and who will most probably start attending same school as my daughter in a year s time. We clicked on all levels possible but a month of constant talking, I started feeling very guilty in confront of his wife mainly and tried to stop everything. He left home for a few hours and decided to go by the sea to think. I was so distraught thinking I had found my soulmate and I d lose him but at the same time I was thinking we are both married with children and this has to end. We couldn't end it and on New Years Eve we met for 10 minutes and we kissed for the first time. In February after a huge argument we realized what the problem was. We had fallen in love with each other. Love declared, he confessed he was only being kept from doing the next move because of the children - all 4. I never asked him to leave his wife or children as I agree it would be too heavy for both sides-for both families. 9 months passed and we had a million of arguments and I tried to stop this relationship a few times but he couldn't cope (and me neither but I was keeping strong externally). We are deeply in love. We talk to each other like as if we be known each other for years. We talk to each other about everything - most of which we do not talk about with our partners as both sides show no interest. I am worried especially when I think if more years pass, if something had to happen to him and I can't be there for him. It kills us not being able to be together. He even told me once not to disappear from his life as it would kill him. We made love about 5 times but we meet at least twice, three times a month - even if just for a few minutes at work. He always asks me to meet outside of work but we are probably both afraid of what can happen. We both know it's not correct but we both know also we can't leave with each other. We tried being friends. Didn't work out. We don't want to hurt our families as trey are innocent in this but we found true love. I am lost, confused. I love this man too much. I don't know what to do anymore

[AgathaF]

Unfortunately he didn't take it well and is giving me some hard time but I am trying to keep strong - which just perfectly illustrates what a scuzzy twat he is. He doesn't have your best interests at heart. He wants the thrill of knobbing someone else's wife, and that is exactly what he has got.

Your poor husband, his poor wife and the children that will get the fall-out from two selfish people's behaviour landing on them.

[chairmeoh]

Block all contact with him. Concentrate on your own marriage - whether that be to work at repairing or it, or to move towards a divorce.

Forget him.

But don't ever expect sympathy or understanding for what you've done.

There is no excuse. You have betrayed your husband and child. You have been complicit in risking his wife's marriage.

You will have to live with your guilt.

It is entirely up to you, and within your capabilities if you want to put this behind you.

[assiren]

Just to update you that I did a lot of thinking and told him to quit and get our lives back on track seperately. Unfortunately he didn't take it well and is giving me some hard time but I am trying to keep strong

[poisonusnorks]

Haven't read any previous posts yet.......But does this one star Angela Jolie and George Clooney ?
Might wait till the dvd comes out.;)

[Marmaladybird]

You seriously need to get a grip.

A married man who runs after you with his contact card after pretty much just catching a glimpse of you? My guess is he thought you were easy pickings, and lets face it, he was right. You've had a few quickies 'made love' in the baggage hold and he's 'only being kept from doing the next move' because of his kids. Yeah, none of us have heard that one before.

He will keep feeding you this shit until another unsuspecting victim married lady catches his eye and he runs after her with his card and his next extra-marital love story begins. That's the part where you fall flat on your face, have fucked up your relationship with your husband and finally realise what a dick you've been.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Op this hasn't happened TO you.

You are making it happen

You will not die if you end it. Cut all this dramatic bullshit out

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

Some quality victimhood here

I tried to end things....but he won me back with fairydust.......I am at the mercy of his charm......I am powerless

[NerrSnerr]

You should tell your husband. He deserves to decide whether your marriage is worth fighting for. I would want to know if I was married to a lying cheat.

[abitwrong123]

You ARE keeping him from working on his marriage though by continuing to contact him and have his penis in your vagina....

Take up running or something, much better for your self esteem and won't give you an STD.

[DorisDazzler]

Tried my arse. You don't stop because you don't want to. Your not willing to give up the good feelings. It's really that simple. Claiming to try then blaming om for winning you back is simply denial of responsibility. Your story is not unique in any way. You are not unique in any way. All affairs play out in the exact same way and all cheaters use exactly the same language.

You are like an addict keep going back for a nibble on the good feelings. Nothing anyone says will stop you. Even knowing the consequences for your daughter will not stop you. No one and nothing is more important than those good feelings. How foolish you will feel when it all goes wrong.

[assiren]

If he wanted to end it, I would let him go. That is sure. I wouldn't keep him from working on his marriage.

[Chillyegg]

Awww love listen the best thats gonna come from this is a mild case of BV.
Stop it.
Tell your DH he deserves better.
I also advise you take a new career path in adult novels.

[YellowTulips]

You can "win" someone unless they perceive themselves to be prize...

Look - that's why you go NC.

Think of it this way. You say you love him. If he said to you he wanted to end it to work on his marriage what would you do?

If you truly loved him you would respect his wishes. If you didn't and your own personal gratification was paramount you'd keep contacting him until you changed him mind...

Now think about what him "winning you back" really means. Is that really love or is it actually a huge red flag over this affair, because he's demonstrated he has no respect for boundaries, your decisions and ultimately you and your family?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Exactly what MrsDeVere said, you're not going to die so stop the dramatics.

You don't need to try. There is no 'try', just 'do'. If you really want a new thing to 'try', tell him to leave his wife and children... that will sort the problem neatly for you.

I'm usually quite sympathetic to OW, I was one myself many years ago, but this tripe you're posting is very difficult to find any kind of understanding for.

Just musing but, quite a bit of cabin crew discussion on MN this week too...

Good luck with it all then, OP. Nobody can help you because you want to continue. Crack on then.

[PerspicaciaTick]

End it and go no contact. Grow a backbone.

[assiren]

I have tried to stop this relationship. I may have not tried hard enough because he always wins me back. Yes I know it's wrong for DH and DD. I know this has no future and all I pray for us some courage. I never was in such a situation and never two timed my DH before this man.

[DorisDazzler]

Something all cheaters have in common is that they grossly over estimate their value. They tell themselves they cannot leave their marriage because their poor sad sap spouse couldn't cope. How Nobel of them to stay.

The reality is that the affair partner cannot meet their needs full time and they know it, which is why they bleat they cannot leave. What they actually mean it that they don't WANT to leave because they're on a cushy deal. A spouse usually meets the majority of needs and wants emotionally, financially ect. Seeing as no one can meet someone's needs 100 per cent it often leaves a small percentage of needs (or wants ) that don't get met.

This is where the affair partner comes in offering that five per cent. It's interesting that the five per cent is usually seedy sex and compliments. Nobody is going to trade 90 per cent for 5 per cent. The affair partner doesn't want to do the asda shop or the school run. They don't want to be a step parent and they don't want to offer financial support. All they have to do is show up and be complimentary and fuck. This is why cheaters gush about how great the affair partner is. They're not expected to actually DO anything.

A betrayed spouse often detects that something isn't quite right. They notice their spouses quiet mood and don't realize it's because their spouse is missing the affair partner. Instead they presume their spouse is tired or a bit down. So they do what nice spouses do and take a bit of weight off them or be extra nice. They start meeting even more needs. Considering that ,it's really no wonder cheaters strut around like they do. They are like that overweight uncle at the Christmas party who's gorged himself and groans he can't eat a single thing more.

[BuildYourOwnSnowman]

Well god gave us free will - I suggest you use it to end your affair and focus on either your marriage or an amicable divorce.

And honestly - when theis gets out, and it will, you are going to have to face everyone you know and everyone you work with and they will be thinking exactly what everyone on here is saying.

Loves great dream begins to turn into a nightmare when you wake up

[AuntyMag10]

Well said Doris.

[NerrSnerr]

Well said worse- he also has the right to know that he might have caught an std from him wife.

[worserevived]

Your DH doesn't deserve you. He deserves someone so much better.

Tell him, he has a right to know, and it is his decision what happens next.

[buttonmoonboots]

She can't, Loving, she has no agency and has to wait for things to just happen.

[Lovingfreedom]

If you've had enough of your husband and you're in love with someone new, why not end it with the first and get together with the second? Then live happily ever after?

[buttonmoonboots]

Quoting the bible? Seriously? To object to people judging your adultery? Seriously?!

Honestly op you won't solve anything unless you start taking some responsibility instead of viewing life as something that just sort of happens around you.

[buttonmoonboots]

I stopped reading your original post as there's no helping someone who is so determined for it not to be their fault. It all just happened to you didn't it?