Is marriage becoming the preserve of the affluent?

[ChocolateWombat]

Having been a parent at a state school in a socially mixed area, and also a parent at an affluent independent school, I have noticed a real difference in whether parents are married or not.

In the independent school of almost 600 pupils, almost all of the parents are or seem to be/have been married - on the parents list, almost every mother is Mrs...
However, at the socially mixed school, probably 2/3 of the parents were unmarried. Those who were seemed to be the more middle class ones. It just got me thinking.

Now before this turns into a state school/independent school issue, I really don't want it to. My interest is in the role affluence plays in whether people marry or not - I can totally see that in state schools in affluent areas, similar numbers of parents are likely to be married.

Is marriage becoming the preserve of the affluent and something out of the ordinary for the less affluent? Is this the case and if so, why?

[ChocolateWombat]

So is the less affluent being less likely to marry a sign of them being more liberal? Is it really that marriage is a sign of conservative attitudes?

As I said at the start, I'm not so interested in the issue about private school parents, it was just as the school gates I noticed the trend.

Looking at the IFS study again, it seems the more affluent and more educated who were married were likely to have a longer length of time in relationship before having children than those cohabiting who have children much faster and more likely to be unplanned. I thought that was interesting too. Is marriage something which happens when people have more control over their lives - both economic and personal?

[ChocolateWombat]

Is it that in communities where few people marry, those people have actively chosen not to marry, or is it that they would like to but cannot for whatever reason? Is it a thought out plan or just something that has happened?

[Athenaviolet]

Well one in four pregnancies is unplanned...

Thankfully we don't have shotgun weddings anymore.

[stonelog]

Think of all the men in generations past who would have been forced into marriage due to unplanned pregnancy!



I don't really know where I'm going with that.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I was ill educated until much later in life and married about 15 years previous to this.
We are quite poor and most people I know from our socially deprived area are married.

[stonelog]

Oh yes, I remember now. Surprised no-one's brought up religion yet. Men used to be forced into marriage largely down to societal expectations based on religious values.

I would argue it's mainly the affluent white British 20 and 30-somethings who bother with religion now. This might be why it seems that marriage is becoming the 'preserve of the affluent' but also of the conservative. Discuss!

[Candlefairy101]

I think it comes down to money, my child attends a private school, but everything we owe goes towards school fees and cannot afford to get married just like most people/parents from a state school.

[Viviennemary]

I think that is probably true. A lot of middle class people do tend to get married before they have children even though they might have lived together for a good number of years first. It's for financial stability IMHO.

[kittensinmydinner]

I live in very affluent area, 7 dcs/dsc aged between 11-22yrs. If I think about it, only 3 parents are still married to each other. If you average 5 close friends/ family per child that's quite sad. That said, ALL were married prior to splitting up and ALL have remarried. Of the 35+ families, non are unmarried. (Why would you when average house is worth £500k + ?..)

[kittensinmydinner]

There is also the very basic correlation to be followed .. Higher the income = higher the education on offer... With. Benefit of education women have worked out that they are financially better off with marriage and by living together with man who earns well... They are fucked should it go pear shaped... It's not hard to work out if you have been lucky enough to have education behind you...and to have that ? Yep, it still boils down to money or family who instilled in you a value for yourself.

[CrystalSkull]

I agree with BatteryPoweredHen. My parents never married and I always found it embarrassing when all my friends' parents were married. It also meant that my mother was left with nothing when they broke up. I would never have children without getting married first.

[usualsuspect333]

My children have never been embarrassed about their dad and me not being married.

Why on earth would they be?

[TheReluctantCountess]

Our son is eight and he's desperate for us to marry - Dp and I have been engaged for ten years. We can't afford to get married.

[ChocolateWombat]

I'm assuming you mean you can't afford the wedding you would love to have. What about getting married at the registry office very cheaply, or would you prefer to remain unmarried rather than do it like that?

[usualsuspect333]

Sometimes reading MN is like stumbling into a time warp.

I brought my DDs up to earn well themselves, not to marry a man who earns well.

[Lottiedoubtie]

True usual BUT if you're gong to have a relationship with the rich man as well... Then doesn't it make sense?

failed to take own advice and married poor man for love

[PoundingTheStreets]

Marriage offers protection to the less well off party in the event of a separation or split. If you're both on a similar level, you could argue that it would seem to be less of a necessity, and if you already have DC from a previous relationship, marriage can be fraught with all sorts of pitfalls.

I wonder how many of the affluent parents have parity of income. How many are SAHMs or mums who work part-time and rely on their DH's income?

[Athenaviolet]

Iwould never have children without getting married first.

So we should all stay virgins until our wedding night?

[fakenamefornow]

Yes I think it is quite a well documented thing.

Were I live just about all the parents at my children's school are married, older, professionals. I can think of only one unmarried couple and one divorced couple. Primary school though so still time yet. The other thing I notice is that almost none of the parents are overweight. I'm sure it's not representative of the rest of the country.

[VenusAsAChild]

No, not at all.

I think Grapefruit Marmalade, Quince Jam or perhaps even Gentlemen's Relish are the preserve of the affluent.

Note carefully placed comma.

I went to state school and am married and I know about preserves.

[fakenamefornow]

So we should all stay virgins until our wedding night?

Why is the poster being attacked for saying she wouldn't have children without being married, I wouldn't either for a whole host of reasons.

[MumSnotBU]

Not RTFT but Bonne Maman is the preserve of the affluent, surely..

[fakenamefornow]

Sorry missing h

[VenusAsAChild]

Also, to add to the mix, one of our best friends is a lovely man from Northern Italy. He was a fashion designer for a big house and made a serious amount of money...we are talking the low hundreds of millions. When his ship came in his wife divorced him. Just goes to show that affluence can be the anathema of marriage.

As rich as he remains he has sworn never to get married again.