Catholic/Christian Evangelical Relationship difficulty or just differences-advice please?

[Jack1954]

Hi,
This is my first time on here. As a man, I would welcome some sound advice from the woman's point of view. Its Saturday night. My partner P has just stormed out on me because I didn't want to go out with her to a church service, which she just informed me was very special to her. She said we dont get many Saturday nights together (which is true because I work night shifts), and she also said that I have turned my back on God as well. I said don't you think that's being over dramatic?
She left the house. As well as being a strong believer, she is a street pastor on Saturday nights once a month, so he went out to do her ministry helping the homeless etc.
I myself am a bit more introverted than she is, and I am not keen on going to church events on a Saturday night. I said I didn't feel like going and that it wasn't my thing-it was some kind of church social he had been looking forward to ("it was on my heart" she said-I didn't know...she ws trying to pressure me into going with her-I know she doesn't like going alone to these things-but then we do come from different church backgrounds...I do go along to her church occasionall-but not recently as it is not my thing-she is Evangelical Christian, and I am Catholic.
P and I have been living together for only 9 months, we are supposed to be a mature couple...I know you are going to say talk to her... I am sorry I have disappointed her, hopefully she will get over it...I don't think it is true that I have turned away from God though...I'm just not too keen on Evangelical Christian versions. How should I apologise? Any thoughts welcome. Thanks.

[Isetan]

"She said that I have turned my back on God", how very Christian of her. That was a nasty childish thing to say and was purely designed to bully you into doing something that she wanted to to, I would be having strong words with her.

I'd keep an eye on this one as she may be under the misapprehension that she can 'convert' you and isn't averse to emotional blackmail in order to achieve it.

[Jack1954]

sorry the above repetition was due to something wrong with my laptop!
only saw them this morning, and don't know how to delete them.

[CranstontheCorgi]

Jack to have them deleted, click on 'Report' on one of them and ask for the others to be removed. We can't delete our own posts here.

[paxtecum]

She's being unfair.

I have a very devout Catholic friend who is married to someone who had a Catholic upbringing but has been a non believer for years.

They respect each other's beliefs and have an agreement that she will have a full Reqiem Mass at her funeral and he will have a funeral with no mention of God.

That seem quite a good arrangement.

It's a pity your DP doesn't respect your views.

[MerryMarigold]

If you are living together outside marriage and in a sexual relationship, I did it hard to believe she is a committed evangelical Christian. It seems you're both choosing the bits of biblical teaching that you'd like to follow, but they are different bits! I can't see a future here, sorry. She needs to find someone who either believes the same, or that she is willing to accept on their terms. A mutual belief in God/ Jesus is not enough, I don't think. FWIW I don't believe celibacy is a biblical requirement either.

[Twinklestein]

I don't think the Saturday night drama was anything to do with religion. Your partner doesn't like going to social functions on her own, perhaps she's a bit shy and a bit insecure; when she realised you weren't going to do what she wanted she took a swipe at you with a bit of emotional blackmail.

The 'turning away from God' comment is absurd in many levels. Essentially what she really means is that she feels like you've turned away from her.

Insofar as this is a religious issue it's simply the fact that you're not keen on evangelical Christianity and you're in a relationship with one.

[pocketsaviour]

maybe I did turn my back on God when I resigned from my parish ministry.

You didn't turn your back - you just realised you could serve him better on another path. I think that is something to be proud of.

I think your partner's remark was very unfair, and something you should address with her. It's okay to disagree on how you each worship in your faith, but she seems to have this attitude that HER version of Christianity is the superior one, and that's really not a sustainable attitude for a relationship.

[pointythings]

she seems to have this attitude that HER version of Christianity is the superior one, and that's really not a sustainable attitude for a relationship.

This. Unless she can respect your faith as you do hers, there really isn't a future in this relationship.

FWIW I think you have been absolutely honest and sincere in everything you have done with your life - yes, you were naive about the possibility of allowing priests to marry in the RC church, but you are by no means alone in that. And you are bound to know that clerical celibacy is a 12th century construct, nothing at all Biblical about it.

I'm an atheist, my DH is a believer who rejects organised religion entirely, one of my DDs is a pagan, the other is an agnostic. We all get on because we all respect each other. You can't run a family/relationship without that respect.

Your partner needs to learn respect for those who believe in ways that are different from hers. Good luck, however it turns out.

[Meerka]

My partner P has just stormed out on me because I didn't want to go out with her to a church service, which she just informed me was very special to her.

was this a particuarly special saturday?

If it was a -particularly- special saturday then you could have made an effort unless there was strong reason not to.

If she believes you shoudl go to -every- saturday service then that's not reasonable.

You have to respect her beliefs and she has to respect yours. Saying you have turned your back on God because you didn't go is frankly ridiculous.

In my brief period attending an evangelical church, I found that a lot of the people there were pretty simplistic and, I'm afraid, immature in their beliefs. not to say downright nasty - some hated the Catholic church and spoke of them as evil. Many had a ... touching ... faith that God would answer all prayers with a Yes. The guilt tripping if someone prayed who was ill and they were not healed was frankly despicable. (Equally I have a lot of problems with Catholic church too; though the depth of thought in their tradition is extraordinary)

I think that you need to look very carefully at the fundamental ability to compromise of your partner and of yourself too. "my way or you're a god-rejector" is a poor sign. At a guess her understanding of faith is pretty shallow.

She might have a very nasty shock when some of life's real and sometimes insoluble problems turn up. Will she be able to grow and handle that, without turning on people who simply think differently?