Strong feelings for someone who's horrible, want it togo away

[Slooo]

I have strong feelings for someone who I don't want to have feelings for, who hasn't been very nice to me and who I think isn't a even a nice person, and I just want them to go away.

I was wondering if anyone knows what it is that makes you feel this way about someone if your head knows they are a wrong choice? I feel like if I can understand why I feel that way it will help me move on a bit.

This was a short, passionate relationship with man who started off as Mr Wonderful and then began showing his true colours. He was caught outright lying and tried to gaslight me and make me feel guilty for accusing him, he loved giving the silent treatment for days on end and didn't care how it made me feel, he always seemed to want me to think everything was my fault. At the same time though he acted like he was mad about me so it counter balanced.

I strongly felt a bond to him, which was what kept me tolerating it for weeks on end.

I did made a decision to stop seeing him (and have cut all contact for the past six weeks) but I feel so down and really miss him and have to keep fighting the urge to call him.

Aside from behaving like an idiot at times, he didn't really fit with who I am normally be attracted to either. We're from diferrent backgrounds and mix in very diferrent circles. We fight like cat and dog. His job would make a normal life / family difficult. He's a proper "lad" (footie, the pub) and I am not the type to fit into that. He's not my type physically (too short and bald) and I hate the way he dresses.

The attraction just doesn't make logical sense to me, no idea why I even feel it, but because the feeling in my gut is so strong I keep doubting my decision.

I've had strong "gut feelings" before, but they were always right, so this time it is confusing me. The one other time I felt this bond to someone we ended up together for years and he was lovely.

I've never felt any attraction to a guy who messed me around or was less than nice to me before. In fact I've always had really high standards and expectations and if this guy had shown true colours from day one I'd not have given him the time of day.

A friend thinks this has something to do with my last LTR finishing very badly with the man doing pretty awful things to me, and she thinks I have self esteem issues. Is this what it is?

I do feel very lonely, really missing that close bond to another person (single two years now) but I am not short of offers - in fact the opposite - I have plenty of nice, attractive and far more suitable men asking me out and have even been out with a few but I am like a moping dog.

It makes me so angry that this one person has all my head space. What can I do to feel better and why do I feel this way?

[Brightonmumtoatoddler]

Wow thank you for posting this, so nice to know I'm not the only one who still holds a bit of a candle for a massive loser who I couldn't stand?!
I put it down to to mixture of pheromones and the fact that I preferred rubbish company to no company at all. (I hate being physically alone, esp at night).
We had very good physical chemistry (thanks, pheromones) but my god this person BORED ME SENSELESS. Selfish, unimaginative, we had nothing in common, opposite views on the world and life, no interpersonal skills and an accountant to boot. Yawnsville or what.
I broke it off a month ago as I was starting to be utterly ashamed of myself and yet I still, still have this weird feeling and hope for a text or something and part of me really wants to meet up again. I can't fully explain why as God knows what we would talk about but I know it's mostly the wistful soppy part of my brain wanting/needing love and connections.
I'm going to get that book too!