Rare but possible when?

[Hmmmmmmmmmmmmx]

I know it's rare but it does sometimes happen that after a break up/bad treatment by one person, a couple get back together and it works out.

Eg. couple I know married 10 years, 2 kids, happy family first got together at university. He was awful to her at university - basically slept with her a couple of times and mucked her around. Behaved like an utter sh*t. They had a friendship group in common and stayed in touch. Rest is history. Happy ending.

I was wondering when is there a way back from bad treatment and a happy future? What does it depend on - forgiveness or the other person changing? What things should you be looking for if you want to give someone another chance?

Is it only when people are young and then a lot of time goes by and they mature? Or is it possible that as an adult after a lapse of time, you can move on and have a happy future?

I know in most cases the answer will be "forget it; once an ars.ehole, always and ar.sehole"; but looking for guidance as to those rare cases and examples of them.

[Gilrack]

Loving. Bastards, we are.

[BottleBeach]

Wow. OP posts an interesting question inviting other people to share their experiences and views. Reply #4: A Man comes along and makes it all about him.

[StillICling]

Yes. Yes I do. Even if I disagree with some of them and some are outright ludicrous . I accept that some of them are fair comment.

I just hope that one day she will be able to reason that I am not and never was the person she now thinks I am and is able to look at things from a slightly different view point.

I don't know if she spends time on here anymore but if she does, the chances of that are very slim. She doesn't mention to anyone that this place was influential to her Probably because she would be questioned on the wisdom of absorbing ones self in the daily , constant hate and poison that this place is full of (amidst the words of concern, support and help that is . Oh and campsite and good restaurant recommendations)

[StillICling]

Bottlebeach. You seem to be using "man" as a derogatory term there? And maybe the threadstarter was a "man" it doesn't state either way.

I did ramble on a bit. Sorry. Add was then questioned (or derided) so answered those posters. The OP seems to have vanished now anywyay. Probably bored to death (by me)

Lovingfreedom .

[queenoftheknight]

I'm not surprised. Start your own thread! But do so with good grace and an intention to actually learn something.

[Cassawoof]

stillicling I could have written a similar post to you. My H has left me, yes we were going through a bad patch, life wasn't fun, I was depressed and needed help ( but didn't see it). I was horrible to him and didn't see the effect I was having on my H till it was all too late and he has fallen out of love with me and gone. He however didn't read Mumsnet or actually talk to anyone else, and he didn't talk to me about how he was feeling. And it would never have crossed my mind in a million years to leave him.

But I agree, My behaviour wasn't me not caring or deliberately being unkind, and once I was forced to step back and see how I had been I was mortified. Of course I promised to change but it made no difference, but my behaviour wasn't me. I am not saying I'm a victim, but I think that people can have their own issues which they may not even recognise which makes them behave horribly, so it's not them, and in these instances people can change.

And yes, my H has his own picture of the sort of person I am which is unfair, like you maybe one day he might admit he was also responsible, but right now he won't. And sadly he will never come back to me.

[Gilrack]

the daily , constant hate and poison that this place is full of (amidst the words of concern, support and help that is

This is how you describe a bunch of people who've graciously overlooked your commandeering someone's conversation and turning it around to yourself, taken the trouble to engage with you, and gently suggested alternative perspectives.

You deem yourself sole judge of what others find helpful & supportive.

You lack manners, Still.

I've wasted my time on you; hiding this thread now.

[tindel]

In response to the OP, I know a couple who first met when they were 17. As they lived in different countries, they prevaricated about whether they could make a relationship work.

As uni students, they tried to do a long-distance relationship for a while but when he went over to see her, she'd been seeing someone behind his back, dumped him on the first day and he had to spend the rest of the time hanging around with the happy couple.

Fast forward a few years, they'd remained in sporadic contact (usually when both single) and she thinks she might be able to get a job in his home country. She turns up to stay with him for a few weeks, both interviews fall through for various reasons, but they resume their relationship. He spends a fortune treating her, she ends up with a lovely free holiday. She goes back to home country, they have another go long-distance. They split up a few months later because he was unable to take time off work to fly over to drive her 100s of miles to a family do.

Fast forward a few years again (now over 30 by this point), they spend some time together and decide to give it one proper final shot. They get married and she moves to his country. They have a baby and she's currently retraining so she can take on the equivalent job she did in her country.

As far as I can tell, both have grown up a bit and have a more realistic view of relationships. It's been a long haul to get to this point, but it does seem to have worked - they are very happy.