24 7 with kids; my life is shit

[aroundandaroundagain]

I spend every waking hour with the children. I have 3 children five years and under. The youngest is 6 months and co-sleeps in my bed and is breastfed. I dont get a minute away from them. Even when I go to the toilet one of them always follows me up. I try take a bath and they are there coming in the bathroom or banging on the flippin door. I am on mat leave at the moment and partner is here every day as he is usually stay at home parent. He mucks in with housework during the day but has to be prompted.
Im just so sick of my life. Im 29 and i feel like im stuck in this crap and i want to scream really f $&#ing loud. He gets to pop in and out during the day to his friends and then goes out most nights to his friends house. Where as i don't have anywhere to go as I have no friends. Even if i did go out i would have to take the baby with me as shes breastfed. Its just so crap. I do the school and nursery pick up and drop offs as he doesn't drive. I feel like i have no one i can rely on. I always have to be strong and just suck it up. Hes on anti depressants and there is just no sex or hardly any. Maybe once every 5 months or so and even then its just quick and no emotion. As soon as its finished hes up and to the bathroom or downstairs. Yes there are cuddles and kisses other times so there is affection normally but the whole lack of sex is just depressing especially as i have a high sex drive. my life is depressing. I just had enough of all this shit. Don't know why im posting but i just need to rant and get it off my chest.

[Redheadwonder]

Ooh just seen, apologies.
Glad to hear you are doing better op

[SevenStones]

Fantastic news, OP! He sounded useless four years ago!

[pog100]

Thread is 4 years old with a recent positive update. Please read more than the OP, it's lazy and useless not to.

[Redheadwonder]

Sounds like your having a hard time op it really does, you do need time on your own, maybe pump the milk?.
I don’t mean to be rude either but you did choose to have 3 children under 5? At 29 years old?. I’m sorry if it seems really harsh but you do now there is contraception available.

[Livebythecoast]

Oh that's great news OP.
So happy your life is better now

[aroundandaroundagain]

This thread is so old now but just to update, things are better. Life is easier. I left the ex as he was/is an abusive asshole.
Kids and I have a better life now xx

[Fromparistoberlin73]

You need some headspace OP

This will all get better if you just get time for yourself

TELL don't ask .what do you like doing ? Sport ? Socialising ? Yoga ? Anyway you choose and Do it take babe steps and your sanity will return

[SlipperyJack]

If your DP is a SAHD, why the blazes isn't he sorting out the older kids during the day (and indeed at night)? MH be buggered, he's able to skip in and out visiting his mates perfectly well. (I'm not unsympathetic to MH issues - got them myself - but are they becoming an excuse here?) Plus, you talk about him "helping" - but in a family relationship it's not about helping, it's about doing his share as co-parent. Especially if you are enabling him to SAH.

[GotABitTricky]

Agree with "Frenchmustard7" - get out and walk once/twice a day for half an hour. Alone. Rain or shine.
All parents need a break.

[ChickenLaVidaLoca]

Is there a reason you were the one sorting lunch and settling DC2 at 4am? Those seem like tasks DP could and should take responsibility for.

[thornyhousewife]

Ah you poor thing. Can totally relate.

I'm going against the grain here- but I don't think you should stop breastfeeding, but do make sure you are taking a supplement for yourself. I imagine that breastfeeding is one of the easier child-related tasks in your life right now, and it's probably the only moments you get to sit down. It will also be releasing oxytocin which may help you now.

I think first on your list, you must absolutely get help with settling the older kids through the night. The baby will probably still wake for a while yet, but the older two should be sleeping through. Your partner would be worth his weight in gold here if he was on the same page as you with this.

Sod cooking chicken at night. These are desterase times = desperate measures. Cheese sandwiches and v quick healthy meals.

But yeah, I reckon the 6mo is probably the easiest one to deal with right now? So concentrate on getting support for the older two. I'm sorry your dh has suffers from poor mental health, but so will you be if you carry on on this trajectory.

Good luck.

[jesy]

Had to agree with the comments on bf, you have done it for six months its hard work and there is to much pressure from society to bf.

Your doing ace it's understandable you feeling this way life is shut, a lot of the time , you just need a bit of u time , get dad to have the kids for an hour go sit in the park or this might sound daft find a quiet lane lock the doors and take a nap away from the world.

I don't have kids but I know how much work they can be , if dad is stay home dad get a Rota sorted but no one going to explode if the ironing don't get done.

[GotABitTricky]

Keen to hear how are things now aroundandaroundagain ?

[Frenchmustard7]

Also driving lessons for DH

[Frenchmustard7]

OP get out and walk once/twice a day for half an hour. Alone. Rain or shine. Plan a route. Walk it fast. Maybe run it eventually?

[ditherydora]

Agree with PP that say to stop breasfeeding. Or you can introduce formula and do both. Then at least you can go out for an hour or so while your DP (or someone else) watches the baby.

[HootyMcTooty]

You say your partner is suffering with MH issues (depression) but that doesn't seem to be curbing his enthusiasm for his social life. If he doesn't/can't work, does that mean you are funding his social life while you stay at home looking after the children every night? No wonder you're shattered.

Having small children is exhausting, the constant lack of personal space and alone time can be suffocating and I really sympathise with you, but I wonder if you're being too sympathetic towards your DH's needs while he ignores yours.

I suspect your frustration is being misplaced. I'm not convinced it's being a parent to three young DCs that's frustrating you, I think it's your DH and maybe you don't want to admit that to yourself?

[GotABitTricky]

How are things now aroundandaroundagain ?

Chin up

[confusedoflondon]

My friend has six children eldest 13 youngest is 2 - she is 35 and a single parent as her partner works away. I honestly don't know how she does it and she is often very down and always completely exhausted. I guess the payoff will come when they are older and a lovely big family but she is more woman than I will ever be , one 13 yo keeps me busy!!

[GotABitTricky]

Some great advice posted above.

Why not use going to supermarket early evening as an excuse to get out house for 90 mins? Take your time and sit in café there too, or even sit in car park on phone for a bit in peace.

[Annarose2014]

First thing I'd do is stop breastfeeding for a start. 6 months is enough, the baby is starting on foods now anyway. I know she may not take a bottle but you might get lucky with a beaker or doidy cup. If she dislikes formula do what I did and put a few drops of vanilla extract in it. Ask your GP if you can if you want to.

Even if you cut down the boob during the day when she's more distracted it'd be brilliant. Then the nights could be dealt with later on.

Have you thought of popping into one of the postnatal clubs on here? I'm on the Nov 14 club. There are plenty of breastfeeders/knackered mums on there.

[Handywoman]

I disagree that OP's partner 'does a lot'.

He sounds a bit shit tbh. If anything needs to change it's that.

[Joysmum]

I breast fed too but also expressed and fed around the same times. Other mums struggled to express and used the occasional formula bottle.

This way meant I could get time to myself.

DD slept in a cot next to the bed and woke at 4.30ish and then I'd put her in with me and she'd help herself and I'd go to sleep.

Your DH can be doing everything except feeding the baby if needs be.

You don't need to go anywhere to get time to yourself, everyone should respect your evening/hours to yourself (easier if this is a regular time) and you can disappear into the bathroom/bedroom and lock the door. Takes a bit of training of all involved (not least yourself) that you should not be disturbed so don't expect you, or the rest of the family to suddenly magically be able to do it!

[MrsNextDoor]

Melon Oh yes! My mistake...I read it as he popped in and out as he pleased...not that he popped in and out to visit friends.

He doesn't seem to be pulling his weight though does he?

[Vivacia]

(I was thinking crisps or cress. I was never going to get cheese!).

OP can you make your DP responsible for all of the food and all of the laundry?

If it hadn't been for my DP I wouldn't have survived the early years, and my three are spread out over more than 5 years.