Did you pick a partner like your parents?

[BabyOnBoob]

Myself and dp go through various cycles in our relationship and I've been thinking he's a lot like my father.

I would hate to consciously choose someone like my df, as I come from a pretty dysfunctional family.

However I think subconsciously I've done just that

What are others' views/experiences?

[intlmanofmystery]

My exW wanted me to be just like her DF. I wasn't, never have been but it took her a long time to realise and caused no end of arguments.

[bakingaddict]

I think my dad was some kind of role model or template for me in that i've married a man who is kind, considerate, even tempered and puts his family first just like my dad

However my dad is also dis-organised, prone to being a bit scruffy and likes people to make decisions for him and that would drive me bonkers in a partner, so i've taken my dad's good points and deleted out the bad points when choosing a DH

[MagentaVitus]

Yeah, DH is very like my dad and I am very like his mum.

[BleachedBarnet]

DP is very different to my parents in lots of ways, but he's from a similar cultural background to my DF and there are definite tandems between my parent's relationship and mine and DP's. That said, all in all he is most similar to my mother in personality, which suits me as I'm more like my dad!

I have come to realise over the years that I share a lot of the same morals/values as DP's mother and grandmother, while also being nothing much like them. His grandmother did the bulk of his bringing up and she is definitely the member of his family I identify with the most

I think it seems reasonable to imagine that the relationships we encountered as children would set a template for what we might look for in the future, whether subconsciously or not.

[Baddz]

Not conciously.
But Dh is basically a blonde version of my late dad.

[mammabmamma]

God no, I would be eternally doomed if I did!

[ValancyJane]

Not initially, but I did end up in a very bad long term relationship that mirrored my parents, purely because having seen my Mum be treated like crap for years had given me quite low expectations from men generally - should have shown my ex the door at least a year and a half before I did. So he ended up reminding me of my father in the end.

My OH, aside from having a Y chromosome, has absolutely nothing in common with my Dad whatsoever and I'm delighted about it!! (Would love to say that I broke the dysfunctional cycle - but it was more luck than anything else to be honest, and some days I still find it odd just how lovely OH is to me, which is quite sad really).

[HapShawl]

Dp has my dad's good traits but without some of the (relatively minor) negative traits. They get on very well and have the same interests.

I can see that I am similar to dp's mum in some ways

[Mehitabel6]

Not consciously but they are very similar- it makes family relationships so much easier.

[MirandaWest]

XH not much like my dad at all.

DP much more like my dad. Some superficial differences but overall a lot more like him.

[aurynne]

Fuck no!

[lechie]

Sadly yes.

I have a very good and close relationship with my parents, who are both lovely. They adore my DH and he likes them too - he'll happily go round there when I'm not around and he'll go to my dad for advice or help rather than his own.

But the thing that really winds me up, is that my dad and DH both have a very similar sense of humour. Quite often, one of them will crack a joke and the other will chortle away, but only they find each other's jokes funny. The rest of us groan.

[PeppermintCrayon]

My dad was a controlling bully who didn't have a job for years or make much effort to get one or make any effort to support his family, it all fell to my mum.

My ex was a controlling bully who didn't have a job for years or make much effort to get one.

Happily I then did what i now realise was a kind of DIY freedom programme, studying other people's relationships and working out what to look for, and DH is happily nothing like my parents.

[BikeRunSki]

DH is very,very much like my grandfather. My grandfather was much more present and constant in my childhood than my father. (He worked overseas).

[cigarsofthepharaoh]

Nope. DP's most prominent traits are her sociability, competitiveness and her general lightheartedness. My dad's would be his independence, fairness and seriousness. My mum is shy, unambitious but hardworking, kind and lovely but not the most exciting person in the world. DP has never followed the traditional path to anything and had little interest in starting a family until DD happened! My parents did everything in the traditional order.

Thankfully, their political outlooks is very similar though so they do have something to talk about and Christmas dinner isn't as awkward as it would be otherwise!

And I couldn't be more different from my conservative, alcoholic PILs

[HootOnTheBeach]

My boyfriend is a bit like my mum

[FickleByNurture]

DH is very like my mum. They get on quite brilliantly because of it.

[lavazzacoffee]

DH is quite like my dad in personality - quiet, very laid back, kind, clever and hard working. But they came from very different backgrounds - my dad's was very poor, and DH was from quite a well-off family. So they've ended up in different places in life, and you wouldn't think they were alike at first.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Having said that, I'm nothing like my MIL, so maybe I'm wrong.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Not sure you pick up a partner like your parents but somehow you do end up with one like them.

[AliMonkey]

Many similarities - work too hard, tend towards obsessing about things, love their children but put work first, have a hobby that costs lots of money (which both could / can afford), have a marriage that is often more like running the family business than being a couple but never show any signs of looking elsewhere (too busy working?), have heart problems. So worries me that DF retired then left my mum for a younger woman after decades of marriage where she had supported him by making sacrifices - and then he died of a heart attack. But not sure what I can do to turn things round as any suggestion of him working less so reducing his stress and enabling more time with me / kids is met with the answer that it's a nice idea but not possible.

[DramaAlpaca]

Totally different in personality, but they do share the same values.

[ltk]

Also I think the reason I chose someone so unlike my Dad is that I myself am very like my Dad. Dh is seriously nothing like my mum, either! But I guess I was not looking for someone with Dad's characteristics because that would be me.