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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My ex takes the piss

33 replies

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 20:53

My ex owes me 300 (Nearly 400) quid in child support. Hes jobless again and hasnt paid in 3 months.

Now I'm sat in tears because I cant afford to take my DD on holiday in wales in but he's paying for a wedding.

Now I wear crappy clothes, I have like 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of trousers. I rarely treat myself. I'm on JSA which is utter shit, I'm getting poorer and poorer. I'm trying to find work but its looking pretty shit for me atm (70 cvs out in 6 weeks and only 3 had jobs.

He hardly sees her and if he does its because his parents do the running around.

Now I've chased him, he's magically going to find £150. He wouldnt have done this unless I actually chased him.

I'm so fucking annoyed, I fee like an utter failure as parent. But he makes no sacrifices like I have too. I've been picking up his slack 6 years, while he does what he likes.

DD just handed me a note say she loves me because I'm upset. Which is making me cry even more.

What do I say to the loser to actually get home the point hes a shit father.

OP posts:

Report

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/05/2015 14:17

Things just a got a bit worse. Just found out I have a housing benefit overpayment and they are deducting in from my payments. Apparently, they sent a letter out. I never got it.

Then to top it off. I got a parking ticket.

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 01/05/2015 03:17

Yeap, quite a lot of us have been there, it is enfuriating, when our child is going without while they give themselves the highlife.

You will be better off totally forgetting about him and any support he owes you.
There are some good suggestions on here.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/05/2015 00:13

Clean I dont really talk to him, dont want too. I dont beg or fight to make him be a parent, because I have to worry about doing my part. I wont do his too. No interest in speaking to him.

OP posts:

cleanmyhouse · 30/04/2015 23:59

I had a similar situation with my ex. I can only tell you that in my case, life got a lot easier for me when i just stopped fighting him to be a parent. I was using up so much energy on being furious with him the whole time. I stopped asking for money, i arranged nothing and if he wanted to see them, i insisted on consistency or nothing, whatever that meant. It worked. Hes great these days, but was fucking awful for years.

As for the texts, stick to facts and "yes", "no" "ok". Nothing more, don't get pulled into arguments, he'll only use it against you.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 23:40

Btw, thanks to those who noticed my slip with my exes name. I didnt even notice. Thanks for reporting it

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Fallandfly · 30/04/2015 23:32

It is debt but not necessarily bad debt. I'm doing it and it's and investment in our future. Also if you can go to somewhere physically it's such a good experience. It's been my life line.both professionally and personally in hivingmyself ME back. Look at all your options. You sound great and just think how proud your daugher would be.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 23:27

I used to do Open Uni, but they cut the funding and I didnt want to take on a debt that I'd never be able to pay off.

I want to work and support her. Just not finding the door that opens.

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 30/04/2015 23:26

Fab! Do you have a blog? Get yourself a twitter account, there's a lot of writers/editors/publishers on there. What about articles that you can sell to magazines etc? There are sites where people advertise for writers, peopleperhour etc. It is possible to earn cash from writing.

Fallandfly · 30/04/2015 23:15

He is a waste of space. Do not dignify. How about looking at college or uni courses? There is a lot of help available.Taking control is good and imagine how great it will feel being able to build a life for yourself and DD independently

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 23:13

I do a lot of writing, fan fiction and some of my own things.

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 30/04/2015 23:12

What is it?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 23:10

I wish I could my hobby into a career, its the one thing I do reasonably well.

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LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 30/04/2015 23:05

No judging here. My ex is a shitbag too. Ds is 16 now and it really is easier for you to be your own boss. You choose your own hours, you choose how much work you want, you make it happen. Think about what you can do, find that gap in the market. Look into funding, there's usually a way.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 23:02

I'm trying really hard to find work. I have an employment advisor to help me. I apply for anything I can do.

SS got involved after I took an overdose due to severe PND that got worse and worse due to ex cheating on me, making me feel paranoid. Then he left me with then 18 month old DD, while I was still unwell. I could barely get out of bed when he was still here, I let cleaning go to shit. I wasnt me at all.

I'm not proud of the overdose and will always feel guilty because of it. I worked hard to get her back and we have had a good 5 years since then. She is my world and I'd do anything for her.

People have told me that I'm doing a great job with her, I'm not perfect, but shes a great little lady and I'm proud of that.

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 30/04/2015 22:16

I've been waiting for my ex to pay 1.5k of maintenance arrears for the past 2 years. It's now with the court (he's not in the UK) and he 'conveniently' lost his job in August (couldn't be arsed to tell me though).

What you need to do is think about what you can do. Do you have hidden skills? Can you set something up for yourself? If you can't get a job, why not make a job. Are you meticulously clean? Make some cards, put them up in the newsagent's windows and get yourself some clients who need a hand cleaning. Can you type? There's web sites for people who are looking for virtual PA's. He's taking the piss. This isn't going to change. All that will change is how you view life.

FujimotosElixir · 30/04/2015 22:15

ss involvement? what for?

FujimotosElixir · 30/04/2015 22:13

id perhaps ask his parents if they actually said that.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 22:12

Oh I'm shaking with rage now. He just used the social services involvement against me. I refused to even dignify that with a response.

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cozietoesie · 30/04/2015 22:08

Sorry - that was a response to AF's post.

I wouldn't send that length of response. I would just send a 'Could I have the money by Tuesday.' and leave it at that.

cozietoesie · 30/04/2015 22:06

Unusually for me, I'd reply in even stronger terms.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 22:06

This is my reply. As you can tell, I'm mad

You taking the fucking piss you really do. Why the fuck should I have to drive her and spend more money, taking away things from her so you can make a half arsed attempt at parenting. When you were working you barely saw her, you chose to move so far away. You cant even spell her own damn name right. I will not do your job parenting her, I have to do my own and when shes an adult, at least I can say I did my best. You can answer to her. I want that money by tuesday, unless you want your child to go with out, you'd get it. I will not let you take the piss any more. Grow up and take some responsiblity for once, you are 42 years old. You have my details. I better see that money in my account on tuesday morning. End of.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/04/2015 22:03

Reply: go fuck yourself

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TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 22:02

Oh he just sent me this little pearl.

I want to see xxx more but I have no money and you won't drive her here and drop her off so what am i supposed to do

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/04/2015 21:49

yep

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/04/2015 21:38

I've just gone feral on him. I'm sick of his shit parenting. He also came out with that he asked his mum and dad for money and they told him to say "I cant give you money"

So they are effectively support his not paying for their grandchild.

He's becoming a stranger to his daughter if he doesnt man up.

He can pay to get married but he cant afford to support his own child.

What a cunt!!

OP posts:

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