Introducing a new partner

[MrsGPie01252]

I'm sure this has come up numerous times... Sorry if it has. I have been with my NP for a few months now and have yet to introduce him to the children. I have been given the all clear from my solicitor to do so now that my Ex has introduced his partner. I am not going to rush this as the children need time to come to terms with this introduction.

My eldest has struggled with the idea of meeting her as she views her as the reason for our marriage break down. That, coupled with the fact that she's nearer to my daughter in age than my husband, hasn't helped! I have tried to smooth this process but pretending to be OK about it and encourage a good relationship. I don't want my kids to be messed up because I'm passing my feelings on to them. I have to rise above.

That said, my kids know and have known about my partner for some time but not met him. Now I have the OK to introduce him I am keen but not in a hurry. He also has three kids so there will be a lot of things to consider here!

I need to not make it a huge deal. We won't introduce the kids now until end of May when we are going on a huge group holiday to Cornwall and will see each other on the beach. We are staying in a different resort. There will be numerous other families there so it should be very natural for the children and unforced. What are your thoughts re. introducing NP? Don't want it to be too much for the kiddies.

[pocketsaviour]

Have you met his kids yet?

I'm thinking it might actually be better for your kids if they were able to meet him one-on-one (well, you know what I mean) without being expected to also meet his kids at the same time, in an unfamiliar space.

[MrsGPie01252]

Yes Pocketsaviour. Met his kids a while ago. He's been on his own for years. They are lovely. We are planning on just him meeting the kids and eventually all the kids getting together but, like I mentioned, we aren't going to do this for another couple of months.

[TopOfTheCliff]

How old are they? I introduced DP to my older DC over supper and while they were a bit prickly they soon relaxed when he started blowing maltesers in the air. But he is very friendly and chatty and I knew he would win them round. I met his on Christmas day when I helped him cook for them all.
Next week we are taking 6DC away on holiday... I feel like Mrs Von Trapp!

[wonderingsoul]

i actuaqlly think doing it on holiday is a bad idea, it could ruin their holiday by ethier having the pressure off meeting him on their holiday or by having it surprised on them.

i think you should go out for a meaql before it, or to the cinema.

[LadyB49]

I wouldn't do it on hols. Enough pressure for everyone to enjoy themselves.
I'd first of all introduce to dp. No big deal.

I'd known my dp for over a year before he met my son (19)
Son knew of him. Son was part of the time living at uni, and sometimes at home living. One evening son came in from uni at 9pm and dp was in my home having coffee with me in the kitchen. Introductions were done, son had coffee with us and then after a half hour went to his room. Dp went home about a half hour later....No big fanfare. They met in passing and very gradually got to know each other. Eventually months later, with his three sons 18, 16, 14..... we all went bowling and then Macdonalds. That was a one off....the boys next met up many months later when we all shared Christmas dinner in dp' s house. Each meet up was casual and nothing expected of anyone. Ds was flat sharing at uni and then during his ph.d. After 8 years dp and I moved in together and got married the following year when ds gave me away.

Sorry this is a ramble but my point is ....don't have any expectations. If they can all rub along together that's good enough.
It was probably easier for us as all the kids were growing up. Not always plain sailing but good.

[Cabrinha]

You say you're not in a hurry, but it's only been a few months in this relationship, your daughter is struggling with meeting his new partner, and you've already booked a holiday where they're part of a wider group for just a couple of months away

I actually am more relaxed about quick introductions than many on here, I find. But you don't sound very sure / consistent.

I don't get what it has to do with your solicitor either. You need to make this decision on your children's emotional needs - your solicitor can't help you there.

What I think is really missing in your post, is your children's view. Have you talked to them at all? If you have a child old enough to understand and blame his new girlfriend, that sounds old enough to have an opinion on meeting your new boyfriend.

[MrsGPie01252]

Yes Cabrinha. They want to meet him. They are happy for me but then they are kids and want to please like all kids do. I'm just trying not to push this on them. I'm happy to wait for the right time. It's a big thing. I never envisioned being in this scenario. I remember meeting my stepdad (who is lovely) but my mum wasn't very honest about the intro. And I was prickly... As the most easygoing of her kids! Don't want to overlook it but really want it to work! He's great with kids ao not worried about him being a hit. Think it's natural to be both excited and trepidatious in this scenario. X