Stag do - advice please!

[LiquidSilk]

Hi all,
Apologies as I know that this isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I'd appreciate some advice especially as I lost my mum last year and she is the person I would normally have asked.

I love my fiancé more than anything and we are incredibly happy together. We are getting married early next year, and as such he will be having a stag do. He has a group of 12 friends who have been best mates for over 10 years. Only one of these have had a stag do, which was a week long thing in Spain organised by my fiancé (best man.)

Since our engagement they have all been incredibly excited about continuing the tradition and having stag do part 2. 10 of the group are single and judging by last time all of them seemed to end up snogging / sleeping with random women in addition to drinking to excess for 7 days. Even the stag, most of them have dubious morals to say the least.

Now I trust my fiancé implicitly, and money isn't an issue but I am already starting to feel worried about this week and what they will get up to. If I asked him not to have such a long one he would be devastated and realistically I have no valid reason to ask that of him. He would if I asked but it wouldn't be fair of me. Bless him he was suggesting a joint hen / stag do for a week but my friends are so flaky or constrained by money that there is no way that they would come away for a night let alone a week.

Don't think there is really a solution but I can't help it worrying me, especially when it's all they seem to talk about!! Its such a long way away and I'm not normally a worrier - it's strange.

You're blaming the others, but it's him who is choosing to spend a week with them on the world's longest stag-do.

God, his friends sound appalling.

Are you going to have to put up with them for the rest of your married life?

But most of these men will be saying the same thing to their partners!

The man that was heavily involved in his friend's stag do suddenly doesn't want to go to his own.
And are we also meant to believe he feels it's 'forced/keep tradition' to take a week holiday abroad

Of course he wants to go but is rightly listening to how you feel about it and offering options.
Also no chance in hell will he not get a lap dance.

FWIW I've been to loads of stag do in Prague, Vegas, etc.

In general the men that were trying shagging about where already cheating back home.
I dont remember anyone cheating for the first time on a stag do.

Having been on 7 stag doooooos of various length, there is no way on this earth i would trust a stag if i were his partner. Especially for a week. Blokes are terrible when they get together in a large group and drink heavily. His mates sound like a bunch of wankers btw

Really Simon are they that bad? Do all men end up cheating then - am I just really naive here?

Liquid...I would imagine each group is different. My exh went on one to Spain for 4 days and told me that out of the 20 odd who went, at least half cheated, mostly with prostitutes! He did hang around with some wasters though!

Wouldn't surprise me if he hadn't too! Cheating bastard.

I'm a bloke, and this would be my idea of hell!

What makes me laugh is they call it a blokes last night of freedom but it isnt.

a. because going by threads on here married men still go on stag dos after they are married so how can it be the LAST night of freedom

b. after marriage it is often the womans life is changed (curtailed) much more than the mans.

My friends had organised a strip club for me on my stag do. I mildly and politely said "no ta". Some of the more peripheral members of the party were a bit grumpy about that, but screw it: it was my night. I was battered by this point, incidentally. That's just not my kind of thing.

I've been on many, many stag dos since. I've rarely if ever seen the stag cop off with anyone, or any of the married people. Drink doesn't make you do something you wouldn't be slightly predisposed to do anyway, and if you trust your man, trust him. I think there's some slight paranoia of the "all men are animals" flavour on here, but we're really not. If you trust him, trust him .

Thank you fulb. Really good to hear!

I completely agree with fulb that of course men aren't all the same, like I said, my partner would never go on the kind of stag party you describe, and would never have that idea of one himself.

But

We are not guessing here. You've told us exactly how his friends do act, that the kind of stag holiday they have is the kind of thing some other men detest, and you've also said your partner arranged a holiday of this kind before and it was the "best holiday of his life" and that many of the men cheated on their partners. This makes it seem like he is like the rest of his mates (I don't mean the cheating kind, but obviously he is into that kind of celebration)

Also.. he wouldn't "properly cheat" is the strangest phrase I have heard lol.

Still... who has week long stag holidays? Nobody needs that length of time for a party.

How is it a "tradition" if it has only happened once?

You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.

JeanSeberg - I guess that's what I meant :)

I must be a control freak (read that as "am" ) but there's no way I'd be having that. A night or weekend maybe, but a week? forget it.

I got married in September and my hubby had a weekend in Potters. I had one night out locally with close friends/female family members.

I don't get these big elaborate last piss up events.

Set the scene for your marriage. Your feelings should take priority over what his fuckwit mates want. Start talking and getting your point across and don't keep quiet in fear of being the outspoken bitch girlfriend. Don't be a doormat!

I agree with Vivacia. I have no idea why a stag do has morphed from a meal out with a few mates into a week away with booze and prostitutes.

A week!!!! I hope you are getting to go somewhere good for a week too!

My friends DH went to Vegas. His mates got him so drunk and went to a strip club he passed out. Then woke up with his hand up some strippers minge. He was distraught. She was distraught (my friend) and nearly called off the wedding. But his friends thought it was hilarious. I'll never forget the shit it caused back home!

Is it really worth it? One last jolly up. Fuck I'm getting old.

You don't trust him. That's the bottom line. I think you need to ask yourself why.

You can't 'set the scene for marriage' by telling him a week away is too long! He's an autonomous person FFS. If a man had posted that, there would soon be a chorus telling him he was being controlling.