Can't believe I feel for it!!

[ihavebeenafool]

I have NC'd because of the shame. I am a regular Mner who has received fantastic advice in the past and I can't believe I have been so stupid. I'm afraid I can't give too many details as I am actually afraid for the outcome if I am outed. If any of you recognise me, please do not out me.

I have been scammed online. I met a loving, caring, funny man who totally took my heart.

He was having some financial worries and I wanted to help. I (stupidly) lent him a significant amount of money. I asked for a written agreement to pay it back but when I handed it over to him, we'd been out drinking and I wasn't really aware of my actions when he asked for the money without an agreement - I gave it to him and he gained my trust and I never did ask for an agreement again as we were planning some sort of future together.

Predictably, it ended quite sharply soon after. He blocked me in every way possible but I managed to contact him through a route that he hadn't blocked me. He's denying I lent him the money and is refusing to pay it back.

I can't give too much away about the correspondence in case he tracks this as I realise now I don't know him and I am a little scared of what he'll do to me.

I did tell the police as they came round one night when a friend was worried about me as I was in such a state over this. The police said there's nothing they can do as it would be his word against mine. I never told them he's been done for fraud before as at that point, I didn't want him to get into trouble.

Do I let it go and just learn my stupid lesson?

[ImperialBlether]

But if you have emails where he admits you lent him the money, surely that's enough?

[Sickoffrozen]

Unfortunately he did pimp himself for the money.

You are never going to get it back so I would put it down to experience and make sure you don't do anything like that again.

[neighbourhoodwitch]

I can't tell you how sorry I am and I pray you get a windfall, somehow.

[Deserttrek]

Fluffysheep, apologies I didn't mean to insult.
As a whole the police do not have the collective skillset because they don't have the resources and these scams are increasing. And you get to court and a judge does not understand the principles, and people/police get let down. Though I think some of the judges are getting better informed, than they were. No insult intended, just one of those (dangerous and I need to stop doing it) generalisations. But on a daily basis I see more people frustrated by this sort of thing and the police cannot/don't know how to get involved. How many FSA/FCA cases brought turn out favourable for the plaintiff - I think it was about 10%-20% two years ago, and I doubt it has improved. I don't get the impression that only 10%-20% of those people spending a few thousand to bring a case are the only ones with a genuine case.

[Ilovefluffysheep]

You need to report it to action fraud (sorry, can't do links on iPad but Google it). They are like a national reporting centre for fraud, and take fraud reports on behalf of the police, then send them out to the correct force to deal with.

You can do the report online or on the phone. It sounds as if you have a lot of details for him, including address, which is great. It may well be you're not the only one he has done this to, and the great thing about the action fraud system is that if someone else has reported him, it will all be collated together. You also suggest he has previous for fraud, which makes me think there will be other victims.

If there are others, it will make your case stronger, and show a pattern of behaviour.

[Deserttrek]

fluffy, I have it written down but nothing where he asks for money, just that he will pay it back.

In which case proving he asked for the money may be academic. He acknowledged he had it, and that he will pay you back. I hope he has assets, and that he gets that you are serious (if you are) about recovering it and above all I hope he gets frightened by that.

[Ilovefluffysheep]

Deserttrek, no problem. It is frustrating, and yes, a lot of officers are scared of fraud so will (wrongly) try and cuff it.

Also, it is notoriously difficult to prove, we all say in our department that fraud is one of the easiest things to get away with, because unfortunately it is. It's not a crime priority, although it should be as it is the fastest increasing crime. Until it's made a priority, there is very little budget given to it, and many forces don't have a specialist department.

[Deserttrek]

Fluffy, Well I think your job must be frustrating, but rewarding if you manage to get a guilty one put away, and even more so if you recover the assets for the victim. May I wish you the most successful career
Sounds as if you don't take prisoners with this kind of thing (excuse the pun).
We can get let down by those closest to us, no respect from the ones we love, fraud in a different way, and Ihavebeen... has been done on both counts it seems.
So I wish her the very best and in time resolution on both matters.

[ihavebeenafool]

neighbourhood you are so kind

desert and fluffy, yes I am serious about getting the money back and my hope is that he has a record of form for it which will help me. I know for definite now that there is at least one more instance.

I have had such a terrible year and I will not let this go. I am scared about anything he might do but I will tell the police that.

[lavenderhoney]

Get all the documents together, text, everything and contact the fraud people. Is he still in touch with you? Ask the fraud people but I would reply to whatever he says with " pay me back and this will go away"

he is bullying you and hoping you'll go away. And in cash! That's a problem really but surmountable.

People get conned all the time, this one is a chancer as he used a relationship. I hope you get your money back. It happened to a friend of mine. she told his family and they stumped up the tens of thousands he took.

Get all your stuff together and do it quickly before he moves on.

[zipzap]

Did you meet any of his friends or family? SOunds like you know where he works. Also you know how you met him - is he still using those means to meet new victims?

Scrape up everything you can and don't be afraid of embarrassing him at work or in front of his friends. Even if they don't believe you or say that it comes down to a 'he says she says' - if it happens more than once then they are going to start thinking that maybe there is something more to it than 'he says' and that maybe 'she says' is actually true.

It's got to be worth trying to get the money back - and certainly tell the police that he's been done for fraud before - all helps to show a pattern.

Good luck...

[whattocookfordinner]

How much did you lend him?

[ChippingInLovesChristmasLights]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you, it's so shitty on so many levels :(

I hope you get your money back and he suffers. Wanker.

[Castlemilk]

Do you have it in writing (text, email) that he said he 'knows people' in your area? Excellent if so - that's a threat, and yes the police will be interested.

You have a good few things in your favour here. Take advice. He basically admits in email that the loan happened, and the tone you describe 'you'll have a job proving it' doesn't look good.

Tell him you're going to be pursuing it and that you're going to be more than happy to give all details of his admitting the loan to the police, will be telling them about his previous fraud history, will be taking on a solicitor for a civil claim, will be more than happy to let his work know exactly what is going on and will forward emails enthusiastically, oh and if he wants to make any more implied threats, that's great - another thing to pass on to the police. Don't be intimidated. Get mad. Get mad enough and he may well think it might be easier to pay you back.

What a little shit.

[zipzap]

oh and if you speak to him again - on the phone or in person - try to make sure that you record the conversation.

I have no idea of the legalities of it - I'm sure somebody else will be able to say - but it would help you.

There are several apps on smartphones that will allow you to record in lieu of a tape recorder for recording interviews (like a journalist would for example). Not sure about recording calls but I can't believe there aren't any.

You could always say it was for your own protection in case he was threatening you again, so you could show the police he was threatening you, rather than it being for evidence about the loan per se.

[ihavebeenafool]

Thank you for all your replies.

I can't say how much it was in case it identifies me. It's not pennies though.

He hasn't threatened me as such, I just know that he knows people in my area from his past job. Again, I'm sorry but I can't go into details.

My understanding of recording calls is that you have to make the person aware that you are recording the conversation otherwise it becomes entrapment and inadmissible as evidence. Although I haven't spoken to him as he refuses to speak to me.

castle, yes he is a little shit!!

[ak2014]

I think unless you know people who know him, getting money out by yourself will be tricky. But you should report it irrespective of the outcome. If its filed somewhere, it will be a deterrent for him to cause any more harm. Sometimes they can reel you back in for more money telling they took a loan against it or something and if you pay x amount extra, you can get your money back.

If he calls you I think just record those for now, if they are not admissible then fine. You are not a business recording business transaction/customer interactions, its a personal conversation. I have not spent a great deal but you cannot record conversations you are not a party to. But it is your own personal conversation. www.acitylawfirm.co.uk/recorded-conversations