Brother demanding money

[Usernamegone]

I am fed up of my brother constantly asking for money from me and not accepting no as an answer.

The backstory is that we have no parents or other close family. I work and he lives on benefits. I do not want this to turn into a benefits bashing thread. I want him to understand that just because someone works it does not mean they have loads of money. He regularly calls me but only to borrow money.

A couple of days ago my brother calls me asking to borrow money. I say no I am skint I don't have any money. He goes on and on the that his child needs milk and will scream if she doesn't have a bottle for bed and that he only needs £20/30. He then asks about overdraft! I explain that I am right up against my overdraft limit as I have had to pay £1k of unexpected bills this month he then asks if there is any way I can use one if my credit cards! I explain that credit cards don't work like that!

He then goes on about his birthday and could he have money for that. I had already explained earlier in the month when he text me asking what I was going to get him for his birthday that I didn't know if I could get him a present this month as I am so skint.

[SilenceOfTheSAHMs]

Meerka Nail. On. Head.

Tell him you will inform SS that your DB and his partner are struggling with managing their money and prioritising their child.

That should put a stop to it!

[Wackadoodle]

He needs £20-30 to buy milk? What's he gonna do, get a fucking cow?

[Meerka]

perfectstorm wrote something that hits the spot:

I will never fathom why blood alone should mean you're forced to let people hurt you over and over again, as long as they aren't physically or sexually abusive. It makes no sense. Life is too short to let bad/damaged people screw with you, no matter who they are, unless they are your own kids. You don't owe anyone else your unconditional love and time.

Would you give anyone else money in this way?

Being family does make some difference but he's taking the piss and more.

Keep him blocked. You don't need this shit, you really don't. It's awful for his baby but I think you have to hope that he's lying when he says he can't afford milk.

Or offer to take the baby in, if he can't find the money to feed her, or to contact SS. That should shut him up.

[Jolleigh]

In his 30s and thinks the term 'only blood relative' translates to 'bank'. Wow.

If you've got a spare 4 hours and are suitably pissed off enough to do it, buy the milk, drive the 100miles to deliver it to his door, tear the little shit a new one for his behaviour then drive home. Nothing tells someone how disgusting their behaviour is like a 200mile round journey to point it out.

But then, I've been known to go to extremes to prove a point .

[Anniegetyourgun]

That isn't a brother, that's a leech.

[dodi1978]

He is clearly using his child to put pressure on your. In cases like this, and if he lives close enough to you, I'd buy some milk and drop it off at his house. No more, no less. The child won't suffer (if the story is true in the first place) and your brother might stop asking for money when he can't spend it on something else.

[Usernamegone]

He is in his 30's

[Jolleigh]

How old is he OP?

[LadySybilLikesCake]

You need to tell him that you're not a cash point machine!

[Usernamegone]

Yes he does get milk vouchers but apparently they had not arrived in the post.

I also find it suspect that the 'milk crisis' occurred on the day that an update to a well known game was released which he plays costing £30.

The Asda click and collect was an excellent idea but they only do orders of over £25.

Have blocked him as am having major stress at work and have GP's appointment in the morning to discuss a health concern so can't deal with any more stress at the moment. Funnily enough after moving away my depression cured itself within a year.

He does have form for this and has previously 'disowned' me as I refused to give him £200 to pay his phone bill.

Also have to hide on FB as if I dare spend £20 on a night out for my birthday then I am a bad sister for not giving him money. If I go on holiday then poor him he can't go on holiday, etc. I live in a 2 bed box house and work 60 hours per week so it's not like I'm living in a mansion with a merc on the drive and take 3 foreign holidays per year!

[Quitelikely]

I would text him and say no more money is going to be coming from me to you. End of. If he doesn't contact you again you will know he only wanted you for your cash.

If he contacts you being abusive just ignore, if he's polite, respond. If in the future he is asking for money just ignore or direct him to a food bank.

He needs to take responsibility for his own life and if he is regularly spending all his benefit money without providing adequate provision for formula then he needs reporting to ss. I mean doesn't he get tokens for formula?

[Vitalstatistix]

I think you need to stop giving him money completely.

He isn't going to stop asking while he even occasionally gets some.

If he knows he will never get cash then it will be painful at first and he is likely to strop, but in the end, he will learn that it is pointless asking.

And don't fall for this his only blood relation crap. If you mattered that much to him, he'd not be seeing you as his cash cow, he'd be seeing you as his sister.

You need to be strong. You need to tell him that you are not going to give him any more money so he needs to stop asking. And you need to follow that up by saying no until he believes you!

[LadySybilLikesCake]

So he wanted to borrow money from you for milk but he's been Christmas shopping! Wow! Surely it's not rocket science to make sure your child's needs are covered before you go shopping.

[Usernamegone]

I didn't notice but I had a text message from him apparently it was all my fault that I didn't see him yesterday and I should have told him that I didn't have money as he would have rather that I come to see him and that I am his only blood relation, etc, etc. Basically a massive guilt trip. I text him to let him know that it wasn't my fault the road was closed (and I did tell him this yesterday so I don't know if he expected me to helicopter myself there instead).

Have checked FB and they were commenting on there Christmas shopping trip earlier in the week!

I don't want to speak to him as he will just give me a massive guilt trip and grind me down. He is one of those people in life where everything is someone else's fault.

Have now installed app to block phone calls and texts from him at least until I feel mentally less fragile.

[Wrapdress]

When it comes to borrowing money, people who ask to borrow never stop asking - no matter how much you give them - it's never enough. They always want more. They spend their money all month with the thought in the back of their minds that they can always get more money from you - and their spending habits never improve.

[Jolleigh]

I'm skint and currently on benefits. My brother offered to ping me some cash the other day. My response was 'no thank you, I made sure I had enough formula in for DD before I spent the last of my cash, no need for you guys to be out of pocket'.

How old is your brother that he things getting you to give him money you don't have and using a child to guilt you is acceptable??

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Just say no, you're not a bank.

I went back to work when ds was 3 weeks old (I didn't know it was illegal) and had to leave a couple of weeks later (I was still bleeding, breastfeeding and severely anaemic so I couldn't do it). Ds's father 'borrowed' all of my wages to 'help a friend move house'. He used them for a drinking binge and I never saw them again. There are arseholes out there, it sounds like your brother is one of them Sorry

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

People claiming benefits when they have children to provide for are not as badly off as others, like single people on a paltry seventy quid a week. He's either servicing debts or not managing what money he does have properly.

Either way, he has absolutely no right to blackmail you whether you can afford to sub him or not. Every fiver you give him suddenly turns into an entitlement to a tenner.

Tell him once and for all that you are not in a position to support him right now and are unlikely to be able to in the short and medium term, so he should please stop asking you. Then either not answer his calls or block them.

[klog]

Wow, awful to see one's own kids have to deal with scrounging fathers :-0

[forumdonkey]

Klog my exh has had tens of thousands of pounds and he blew the lot in less than 2 years, with nothing to show but massive debts. He no longer sees much of his siblings as they now won't lend him any more money and he is angry with them for that He borrowed the kids birthday money and their pocket money they earned (up until a few months ago both were in full time education - one college and one school).

OP people like your DB and my EXH have no morals or shame but seem to feel there is an entitlement. I understand the emotional pressure it puts on you because I have seen both my boys go through it. They have toughened up and refuse him cash and ring for him to pay back all money they have loaned. If they can do it so can you.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Usernamegone

I would be blocking his number from both your landline and mobile phone. Your last phone call to him should state that you are not a registered charity and should not be seen by him as one.

Any money would likely be spent on his own self and not any child he has to support. Such people use guilt trips and manipulation on people who they think are really a soft touch. He would not respect you any more for actually handing over any cash.

[magoria]

klog it was a long time ago and really the final straw of years of everyone putting themselves out to help her out of problems.

She stopped asking when every answer became no and sorry I can't.

[InnocenceAndExperience]

Give him details of the nearest food bank and money advice centre.

[klog]

Keep your purse tightly shut magoria !

I was on benefits for a while but i never guilted my siblings and when they were generous i saw it as generosity and really appreciated it. Never thought "they can affird it".. i never had loser boyfriends spending my one parent allowance though!

[IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi]

If you give in him when he nags and won't take no as an answer then he will never stop

You have to be firm, if you give in you aren't doing you or him any favours

(And since when has milk cost £30 )