Waiting to confront dh about chat rooms

[pantsjustpants]

Looking through the history on pc to find something dd had previously been looking at. Saw something I didn't recognise so had a closer look and it's a chat site. The history shows someone viewing profiles of women. Well it's not dd is it?!

Devastated doesn't come close. We've been together almost 10years, married for 5 and 2 dc's .

[Vivacia]

He's lying to you. He's refusing to be open with you. He's choosing not to reassure you.

[GarlicNovember]

Sorry, usual, I'm not explaining this very well. If Mumsnet offered profile searches - say anyone could sign up and search the membership for "women under 30 with children under 5, within 30 miles of Esher" - It would feel very wrong. Likewise if I could search Stack Exchange for "men over 50 who enjoy theatre and political debate." There'd be no point: everyone's there to discuss coding, not get chatted up by strange Englishwomen!

Chatroom-based sites do this. A message board on a forum isn't a chatroom. Chatrooms exist for people to meet one another online. Forums are for discussions; the focus and the execution are different. I'm still not explaining myself well, but pants found a search of women's profiles and then her H went into TSSDNCOP overdrive, which is the main point here anyway.

[usualsuspect333]

You use MN for 'live chatting' though.

The lying about it is a bit off though. Does he know you chat to people on MN?

[Joysmum]

As with anything, it's the reaction that gives the most clues.

If my DH were worried about any of my internet use, I'd want to reassure him because I want him to feel happy and confident in our relationship. After that, we'd look to identify his reasons for not being confident and try to work on those.

[GarlicNovember]

Yes, exactly that, hesterton.

[GarlicNovember]

MYChild, do you generally use live chat sites, then? That's a real question - I only use messaging services to contact people I already know, and have used webchats in the past for support groups & special interests. But I'd expect partners to know about stuff like that - and, these days, I thought most hobby and support groups used forums or FB, Whatsapp, etc.

[GarlicNovember]

Oh! Yahoo Chat is powered by Lycos - from Yahoo UK Help section.

Do you know his Yahoo login, pants? Or if you go to login.yahoo.com/config/login, does the computer automatically fill it?

Looking through their help guide, it appears there's a 'Save' feature on the chat, but I can't find out where it saves to. You might find a Lycos folder in one of the Application Data folders (on Windows) or in Documents & Settings.

Or get him to tell you why he's searching women's profiles ...

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

*people
*pile

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

I quite often click on profiles of people because I'm a nosey cow. If they look attractive/look weird. He's an autonomous human being, no? Lycos looks like a pretty harmless site. I don't think it's helpful for peiple to pull in saying LTB.

If my bf went in my phone he'd see lycos there in my history now vocals be harmless.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I think him covering it up would bother me and lying when you confronted him.
I don't think you need to ask random people where to go from here though, its up to you what you decide to do.
It doesn't matter what others would do, so I'm not adding more.
So sorry that he has done something you said he knew was not acceptable to you. for you.

[GarlicNovember]

Never mind the amazement that Lycos is still going, the cuteness of olde-fashioned chatte rooms, and so forth.

He guarded the PC from OP. He forgot to be bothered that she was upset. And ... if you wanted to pursue a secret habit, where better than on an olde-fashioned chatte service that everyone thought had stopped existing?

Poor you, pants. I don't actually know where you go from here. What usually gets him to be honest?

[WineWineWine]

If all he has done is look up profiles, then there is no major problem, but his reaction seems a bit extreme!

[magoria]

Lying to you.

Completely disrespectful towards you.

Not apologetic in the slightest.

Does he care about you at all or is it all about his needs?

You deserve better than to be treated like this.

[usualsuspect333]

Do you not chat to men on MN?

[alicemalice]

Does he have form this kind of thing before, OP?

[alicemalice]

I don't look at other people's profiles. And I definitely don't look at profiles of men with provocative photos.

It's bloody obvious what he's up to.

[pantsjustpants]

The profiles were women, with provocative pictures in the main. I know what he likes, and they were that kind of thing. Several of them.

[usualsuspect333]

But everyone looks at other peoples profiles.

But good old MN. tell her to LTB.

[alicemalice]

She's certainly not looking up men's profiles specifically.

[usualsuspect333]

Well the OP could quite easily be chatting to men on MN.

[AnyFucker]

You know he is lying

You don't need to prove any wrongdoing

Surely that means relationship over ?

[alicemalice]

Well that totally depends usual, he wasn't trying to chat to men for a good old natter, was he?

[usualsuspect333]

I don't think chatting on a chat site is much different to chatting on a forum.

[alicemalice]

What kind of profiles are they? I don't think it's good regardless but just getting a sense of who he was trying to talk to.