Is online dating just full of twats?

[modernstick]

I am very new to online dating having only just registered on one of the well known subscription paying ones on Wednesday.

To be honest so far I've found it all abit depressing.

Had a wink from someone in Ireland (I'm based in England) who private messaged me explaining he doesn't have any profile pictures up because he wants to be discreet but would be happy to email them to me. Said he travels alot in this country for work and wanted to meet a someone special over here. To me it screamed of HE'S MARRIED.

Got another message off some bloke who was all woe is me, 'why do women always mess me around...blah blah'.

Another one gave me his number immediately and badgered me to ring him. Keeps sending me winks despite the fact I have ignored him.

I had been chatting online with a guy who did seem quite nice. We seemed to have a lot in common, he had a nice photo etc. Thought oooh he might be a 'normal' amongst all the others. Thought he could have potential for meeting up in real life for a coffee and a chat. Anyhow, got a message tonight from him basically saying that he was on his way home from the cinema and implied that by 'home' he meant MY HOME! I sent him the most unimpressed emoticon I could find to which he replied 'What?' (as if he didn't know?!).

Anyway, am already finding it all very disappointing. Have paid for a 6 month subscription because it turned out to be the cheapest option so still have loads of time to use it. Is this really what there is to expect most of the time with OLD?

[kentishgirl]

I met DP on a local county only OD site.

He was the second man I met.

But that was after sifting through an awful lot of other men. A few creeps, but mostly decent enough sounding men, just not for me. No cock shots.

[DrSethHazlittMD]

From the other side, as a man who tried online dating to actually date with view to relationships (ie, not casual sex) I can honestly say it is the most soul destroying thing imaginable unless you are astonishingly good looking. I did it for two years on both paid and unpaid sites and I would never do it again.

I know lots of female friends who have used it. One married the first man she met (she was his 18th) and I know one other woman who has had a LTR as a result. That's it. Most never got more than a second date. None have ever received a cock shot.

And men also get odd messages, abuse, messages from people completely the opposite to what you have said you are looking for, or from people hundreds of miles away. To a lesser degree, I am sure, but trust me, we get it too!

[Bluebelle38]

I met my wonderful boyfriend online but he messaged me two days before I was going to quit it because I had chatted to and even met a good few liars, loopers and desperados.

I truly have never been happier. Although I did make him text me a pic of his passport to prove his age before we met. He was the first one that was honest! Haha.

Don't take it too seriously and don't drag out the chat would be my advice!

[TedMoseby]

I met my current DP OLD and we have been together for almost a year. I was very lucky that he doesn't know how to sell himself we'll and he says he got lucky that I answered his message.

I found A LOT of weirdos on there and had hundreds of emails a month. I ignored them all, I wouldn't talk to a stranger on the bus if they rocked up and asked "why you single,love?". I knew DP was different from a couple of messages in. He had a fab sense of humour and was very respectful. I was sitting exams at the time and we met up ASAP afterwards.

We both agree it's a numbers game. You may have to look through hundreds of profiles but there are good people there somewhere.

[rockpinkpumpkin]

Now what I want to know...is there a website for meeting tall men!?

[MoonshineWashingLine]

After about 8 months of sifting through absolute nut jobs and tossers I have finally found a guy who I find attractive and exciting... it takes a long time and you'll probably several dates with blokes you'll never see more than once. I was on OK Cupid and was very close to deleting my profile when the guy i'm currently seeing came along... glad i didn't delete it now :)

[squishee]

In my experience, yes. I only started meeting decent men when I gave up online dating and started offline dating. Well, almost - going to Meetups

[GreatAuntDinah]

I know, I was using a generic "you". My point is, if you're not getting anywhere going for your usual type, try the men who aren't.

[SelfLoathing]

Your thing for men over six feet might be the thing keeping you single though! I think you have to date outside your comfort zone

I don't have "a thing" for men over 6ft, I was using it as an example.

[GreatAuntDinah]

Your thing for men over six feet might be the thing keeping you single though! I think you have to date outside your comfort zone. Obviously not people you find physically repulsive, but give everyone else a chance.

I never got any cock pics but I'd be tempted to say "let me guess. Is it a naked mole rat?"

[Dirtybadger]

I use pof. I've done okay ish out of it. I don't have a picture so don't get loads of messages and I'm quite lazy and not proactive. I've met a few decent guys. I'm currently seeing two nice men. I'm not looking for a relationship so perhaps things are easier for me but I've also seen a lot of people I know on there who I know to be good guys, so it can't just be luck!

Don't get me wrong, at least 50% are probably nowhere near up to scratch...but those %'s aren't much better in "real" life, I don't think!

My advice would be take regular breaks from it. It gets so tedious. I use it for a few days (check emails, etc) then leave it for a week or two if things are slow or annoying, rather than getting obsessive over it. That and don't get your hopes up; you've got nothing to lose by keeping your expectations low and waiting to be pleasantly surprised. They can't all be bad, though!

[SelfLoathing]

Drowning

I'm not a current subscriber but I've done Eharmony before.

The thing with Eharmony is that it only lets you view profiles that you are matched with. So you can't actually search in the way you have asked for. The only way someone here could view Edward, St Neots, 50 would be if -coincidentally - they had also been matched with him AND he hadn't closed out the match.

Personally, for this reason I wouldn't subscribe again because (Say)you have a "thing" for tall men over 6ft (and specify this) they may only send you matches of men who are 5ft 7 and there's nothing you can do about it. I though it was too limiting and wouldn't use that site again.

I

[drowningnotwaving999]

Evening lovely people. Bit of a cheeky question but here goes. Just deleted profile from telegraph dating (some odd people masquerading as normal) and having no luck with muddy matches at all (Either messages not read or brush-offs) However, on eharmony someone is interested (yeah !!!) However, rather than throw good money after bad to see one photo wondering if any of you lovely people are signed up for eharmony and could find him and let me know whether he looks nice/normal (not asking for much !)
His name is Edward from St Neots age 50 and is in Medical Sales.
Many thanks in advance from someone who is beginning to feel like something that crawled out from under a stone.

[orangefusion]

There are loads of tossers on all the sites. I tried Match, Guardian SM, Telegraph (yes, I know, but oddly the same men are also on both), Date Positive (my reasons) and POF.

I had cock pics, I had angry emails, one bloke stole the profile of one of my male friends who I stupidly mentioned got 50 emails a day from women, he refused to take it down until I apologised for reporting him (!) and then on POF I met my lovely partner. We had already met at a gallery opening and when I saw his profile I could not believe my luck. I messaged him saying "We met at xxx private view", he messaged back saying "are you just saying hi or do want a date?" I said "ooh date please" and we have been insperable ever since for two years. But that, I think is a rarity.

You have to make it a pas-time, sifting through the dross. Seeing the same old faces on all the sites (Guardian SM has not had any new men over 45 for years as far as I could see...) but there are some good ones out there- like you, sifting through the dross. Just be careful, the thick skin that a pp suggested is very important and enjoy the anticipation that one might be good- you only want one, so keep going.

My dp and I reckon that in smaller cities these days its the best way to find out if someone you know and fancy is actually free. One of my other mates (male- met on Match) has had three successive dates with women he has subsequently discovered are friends of mine- none of them suitable for him nor him for them but we have had fun at parties with the "so how did you meet..." introductions.

You have six months, plenty of time, tomorrow could be the day the one you want to meet joins up- I would suggest you keep on keeping on at it - you wont get your money back- you might as well have fun with it.

What really staggered me was how few men own shoes- proper leather shoes with a shine- they all turned up in trainers and fleeces. Until dp, he sent me a pic of his shoes (not his cock) they were Jeffrey West and very lovely. That was almost enough to hook me :)

Good luck.

[23kissesx]

If you receive a cock picture, send one back with "your turn!"

[lilaloves]

I joined Match.com at the weekend just to test the water.Since Sat night I have received a 100 views,8 winks,18 favourites and 4 emails,feeling a bit deflated now! Also several of my "winkers" have been nearing 60?! I am 35.
The few that I have viewed that I liked don't seem to want to view me back.Im trying to just think of it as a laugh but my god it doesn't do much to boost confidence levels.

[LoisPuddingLane]

[BitOutOfPractice]

I thought the standard response should be "Well, it looks like a penis, only smaller"

[LoisPuddingLane]

I think a good response to a cock pic is "I'm not sure what that was you sent me. I had to save it and blow it up on the screen. Is it a rodent of some sort?"

[BitOutOfPractice]

I was on POF. NO cock pics. Lots of dull men. A few really nice ones. And one very very lovely one. Which is all you need

[CinnamonBuns]

Go on POF Lois and it'll be dicks galore

[Sidge]

I never got any cock pics either Lois. Can't say I'm too disappointed

I was on Match and eHarmony. Had a couple of dates with guys from Match - they were nice enough but not for me. Then started messaging a man from eHarmony and we'll have been together a year next month. Love him to bits.

My top tips for OLD are:

Be ruthless.
Don't be too specific about what you're looking for, keep an open mind (within reason).
Be safe. Don't give too much away too soon.
Set your Bullshitometer way high.
Make a first date just a meet for coffee or brunch.

[LoisPuddingLane]

I've never got a cock pic. I wonder why this is.

[LoisPuddingLane]

Charming!