We have found out 2 days ago that my Mum is dying. She is 57 years old.
She had cervical cancer 2 years ago and had drastic treatments such as Chemotherapy, Radiation and the radioactive implant that you can have. She was remarkable through it all, and after months and months started to seem a bit better. The tumour that she had did severe damage to her kidneys and kidney function.
She was due to go into hospital just over 2 weeks ago to have some tubes changed that help her kidneys. She wasn't well enough to get in the car and couldn't breathe properly, so my Brother was there and called an ambulance.
When Mum went in they said there was fluid on her lungs, and they thought an infection had got in and built and backed up fluid. When they started to drain the fluid her lung wouldn't reinflate, so that is when the tests and scans started. The fluid had shown cancer cells in it.
When they have done the scans, there are lumps on both of her lungs and also on her liver. Because of many, many issues, no treatment can be offered. The Doctor was extremely kind and my Mum even said thank you to him and shook his hand. She was the strongest out of all of us (Mum, Me, Dad and Brother). They have no idea how long she has left. My Wife made a very good point that it is actually better that we don't know exactly when, as we don't have part of our focus on a date in the future. We are just taking each day as it comes.
A Macmillan Nurse spoke to Mum yesterday, and said something along the lines of "when we come to see people, they usually have a certain amount of time left, and yours is one of the shorter ones". At that point Mum cut her off and asked her to come back another time.
Mum has never drunk or smoked and this all seems so bitterly cruel.
So far the worse thing I have had to do is tell my Nan. We are very close and my Mum is her only child. Although we knew Mum was very ill, confirming it to her was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My Dad is not so good at the actual talking about it, and I hope to ease the pressure on him regarding it.
Mum and Dad wanted to put a big extension on their house, and me and my wife and children were going to move in. The Doctor asked my Mum if she would prefer to die at home or in a hospice and she said "I would like to go into a Hospice. My Grandchildren are going to move in, and I don't want them to grow up in a house that I died in". This broke my heart. She also said to my Dad yesterday "I'm not going to see my Babies grow up". This is very, very hard to take.
What worrries me more than anything is how my daughter is going to react once Mum is gone. My daughter is very close to her (my Son is too, but he is younger and I don't think will understand until later on), and while they know that their Grandmother is in Hospital, both my Daughter and Son are blissfully unware of what is happening. My Daughter is 7 and my Son is 3. I do not want them to know anything at all until afterwards.
I just don't know what to do. Up and down like a yoyo of emotions. Seeing Mum's physical health deteriorate is one thing, but seeing the mental torture it must be causing her is absolutely horrific.
Sorry for the long post, just sometimes helps a little to get it off my chest.
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My Mum is dying and I am not sure what to do.....
Geoff0409 · 24/07/2014 13:15
OP, I was thinking about you today. I hope the visit this afternoon with your mum and kids has gone ok. Are you any closer to getting her out of the hospital and into the hands of Macmillan?
I'm sorry to hear about your meltdown last night but don't feel bad. This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do and it is a rollercoaster of emotions. For the week my mum was in hospital I think I went into shock. I cried a couple of times, but mostly I felt frozen.
If you can get her home and into a nice routine with Macmillan it will take the edge of things a bit. The whole "visiting time" thing at the hospital was terrible. My lasting regret is that we didn't get her home. When I think of the hours she spent in that bed facing death alone with us locked outside I feel absolutely torn apart with grief.
Thinking of you 
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