DP has been exchanging photos with another woman

[silvercarcrush]

Someone he sees in real life regularly, I found the messages and he had startd it. There was another message that made it clear that nothing physical had happened and they were saying it wouldn't but still feel so awful don't know what to do

[GarlicJulyKit]

Oh, forget all this "not married, no children" malarkey. It's not as if having a ring on your finger and a baby on your hip suddenly makes you lose your self-respect.

Not many self-respecting people choose to share their lives and bodies with people who systematically lie to them. Really, are you going to choose it? I think you deserve better.

"I do honestly and personally believe these things are the sort of indications that someone is probably a prolific cheat." Me, too. He's already proved he's happy to lie to you, hide an important part of himself from you, and share a hidden part of himself with someone else behind your back. It's disappointing. You've learned something new about him. Would you have moved in with him if he'd told you he'd do this? No? So move out.

I'm sorry for your disappointment, really.

[Happy36]

Third time lucky, . It´s definitely past my bedtime.

I hope everyone sleeps well.

[Happy36]

Oops, I meant grin. Does anyone snack healthily at 4am? I wouldn´t think so!

[Happy36]

grin

[Tinks42]

Ive been known to wake up at that time and stuff a bit of chocolate in my face

[Happy36]

God no! Well not in my opinion, anyway. Hard to be objective but I think the only thing people would criticise my husband for is his 4am snack attacks.

[Tinks42]

As long as it doesn't come from you putting up with a crap relationship (stern motherly look)

[Tinks42]

Im not getting at you Happy, its nice to still have some tinkerbells in the world of us realists/cynics sometimes.

[Happy36]

Tinks42 I concede (not the right word as this wasn´t a battle, but I am a bit sleepy and am terrible at word choosing even when I´m not tired).

I am an optimist.

I wish the original poster strength to make the right decision about her future and much happiness.

[Tinks42]

With respect Happy, the whole point here is that her fiancé isn't honest

[Happy36]

Fontella I understand what you´re saying and agree with much of it.

I guess I am getting a vibe that the original poster doesn´t want to end the relationship. If they both want to stay together, based on what the OP has said there appears to be a possibility that they can repair the relationship and move forward together. However it will take great honesty from her fiancé and, as many of us have said, they would need to talk through what has happened and how he can be certain if he makes a promise to remain faithful. I wish you good luck, whatever happens.

[Dirtybadger]

Apologies for "girl" - my brain just started assuming she was 17 years old. And to make it clear; the occasions I referenced where I did this were as an idiotic single teenager not an engaged adult.

[Dirtybadger]

Honestly? It's probably not the first time. I think some people feel an almost compulsion to do these things.

I disagree that they're definitely at it. I know my ex (who sent and received such messages throughout our relationship) never fucked the people. They were boosting one anothers egos. I've sent "rude" pictured with no sex (or at least none at the time or particularly close thereafter). I did have sex with them all eventually, though, even if 18 months after. You're "familiar", bump into each other, you know you're into to each other. Slippery slope and all that.

I was in my teens, though. I don't think I'd bother with that sort of strange shit now. It was definitely just a sad self esteem thing which a few guys took advantage of for a wank. How old is he? Particularly immature?

What does he have to do for you to finish it? Videos (pretty closely behind pictures in the escalation), phonesex, skyping, titwank? Would you really have put "sending nudes to girls" within the boundaries of your relationship if you'd anticipated it was a possibility?

He knows the girl. It might run its course without your intervention but there's a decent possibility that it won't...or at least not until they've gone a bit further. If it does die down, another woman will be in the wings some time. How do people even get to have these I appropriate relationships? They so t just suddenly start sending the pictures. There's a flirty build up. Unlikely he reserves such attention and talk to just one woman he knows.

I do honestly and personally believe these things are the sort of indications that someone is probably a prolific cheat- maybe not sleeping with people, or anything physical, but the constant looking for attention, inappropriate flirtation, etc. Tiring to live with for the next 50 years....

[Waltermittythesequel]

Ladies, if your man is disrespecting you enough to be sending naked pictures of himself to another woman, and receiving naked pictures in return, it's YOUR fault for boring him.

Buy him porn. And make sure you have his slippers warmed for when he's finished his wankfest.

[Fontella]

Happy - he's not her husband - they have been in a three year relationship and are engaged. He's doing this - exchanging explicit pictures with another woman, while intending to marry the OP .. and you suggest she lets him look at a bit of porn in case he's 'bored' sexually.

Bored my arse! If he's 'bored' before the wedding, then there's not much hope for after is there?

Everyone here has quite rightly told her to run a mile. They aren't husband and wife, there are no kids involved, unlike many married women with children who find out their husbands are carrying on and doing allsorts behind their backs .. the OP has a chance to get out - now - before she marries the pervy bastard.

[Tinks42]

totally agree boris.

[Waltermittythesequel]

There's always one!

[Tinks42]

They aren't married though, theyre engaged so things should still be lovely and shiny.

[borisgudanov]

Yes, tinks, she should talk to him. Mostly along the lines of "Fuck off, you disgusting bastard", I should think. And not too much listening to any weasling minimisations pr protestations of innocence.

Filthy twat.

[Happy36]

Tinks42 well maybe I posted in haste.

Judging by what the original poster has written I don´t think her husband exchanging photos with another woman is sufficient grounds (by itself) to end their relationship. However, there may well be more to it than fits into a MN post.

Obviously I was hasty in using the term "let" in my previous post, however I do believe that porn of the FHM variety can have a role in long-term relationships and a positive effect on the couple´s own sex life. However, we are all very different and both porn and infidelity are sensitive issues with the potential for controversy.

I do believe that the original poster should talk to her husband about what he did and keep talking to him about his relationships with and feelings for other women.

[Tinks42]

Surely you're joking there Happy

[Happy36]

Speak to him and keep talking.

It sounds like he was bored sexually. Perhaps you can let him look at some porn if he thinks that is what´s missing.

[Tinks42]

You're engaged so im assuming you're supposedly just starting your lives together and he does this whilst professing to love you/wanting to marry you, really? LTB from me too. It must be awful for you OP but he's not worthy of you is he.

[GetYourFingersOutOfThere]

i don't want to split up but I don't think I can forgive this

It will eat you up and then die away and then come back again and again and by then the children will be here along with the marriage and the financial commitment and you will feel obliged to put up with it/not feel able to leave.

Stay or go is up to you but please tot up the amount here that have warned you, through experience.

Can you imagine any situation that is innocent where you sent another man a picture of your fanjo? I suspect not.

[daiseehope]

Please, if you want to know your future have a look at my post on the emotional abuse thread. I'm sorry but he obv is a twat. I put up with little incidents at the start, being pissed, flirting, etc. I just showed him he could do what he liked. I just really loved him and having an odd background was amazed he loved me.
Over time we've had kids, got a house and over time the behaviour has grown. He's not violent but he might as well be. I am now trapped.