What do you think it says about someone who never mentions their other half?

[Strawdolly]

I recently spent some time in the company of someone in a work capacity and they never once mentioned their long term live-in partner. In fact they spoke as if they were single, "I did this, I shop here", that sort of thing. It seems a bit odd to me, what do you MNers think?

[daisychain01]

Frames I agree! And once you say one thing, it's like the foot in the door, people start wanting to know more and more. Sad but I learned through bitter experience that you are better off remaining relatively 'unknown'.

[Solaia]

I would think it was odd, everyone at my work makes chit chat about their lives. Not highly personal stuff, just factually accurate I suppose: me and the kids did x, I visited my sister/cousin, we had DH's family over, that sort of level of detail.

There is a definite view by some that work colleagues are only and can only ever be that, and will never cross the boundary into friendship. I cannot get on board with that at all. I spend 40+ hours with my colleagues per week, I need to count them as friends! I would hate to work somewhere I didn't have some close friends as colleagues and I'm lucky that everywhere I've worked has had some. Each to their own though.

[frames]

I learnt the very hard way. I will
Never discuss private life at work ever again. Nasty people find a way of twisting the detail to cause trouble:-(

[Soveryupset]

I never mention my dh and 4 children, only my very closest colleagues know about my family but I work with lots of people and I never mention children or dh.

For people who meet me in person is fairly obvious I am married as I have a big fat wedding ring/engagement ring.

Not even my manager knows I have 4 children, he knows I have children but as he never asked me how many and how old I have never told him.

Having said all of that I am in a very highly pressurised job and there isnt much chit chat going on sadly!!

[Fairyliz]

well I think its very odd. I'm quite a private person and don't reveal a lot at work such as health problems or very strong views. However if someone says on Monday morning 'did you have a nice weekend?' I would mention that we (DH and I) went for a meal.
Surely everyone makes this kind of social chitchat don't they?

[daisychain01]

I have no way of knowing what gender the person is, I took it you were talking about a man but it really doesnt matter in terms of respecting their privacy, it applies to both genders.

Back to your original point, one person's evasiveness is another person's need not to have to explain the ins and outs of a duck's backside to all and sundry.

[Strawdolly]

daisychain01

the fact you have thought and speculated about someone's private life
May be a good idea to respect their choice and dignity....

I am respecting their choice and dignity, I just wondered if others had any thoughts on the matter. I found it a bit unusual that's all, especially as there was a lot of personal stuff spoken about. I don't have a problem with it

the man

What makes you think it's a man?

[MrsCakesPremonition]

I worked with someone who never mentioned a partner. Otherwise he was generally chatty and sociable.
He took a week long holiday, came back said he'd had a nice time etc. no mention of who he went with.
Turns out he had got married and been on honeymoon.

I think he was just an incredibly private person who had decided that we were "work" and therefore didn't need to know about "home".

[daisychain01]

If a man letches in an office environment, and are a pest, surely this should be escalated to management, HR or whatever the company policy is.

If action isnt taken to stop them in their tracks it enables their behaviour and gives them the message it is OK!

we are in 2014 not 1955, does this really still happen in people's place of work ?

[Hamuketsu]

Depends on how they generally conduct themselves. If they were continually letching around the appropriate sex, I'd assume they were trying to minimise the fact that they were already in a relationship. In all other cases I'd assume it was just their own business. Some people just make a strong distinction between professional and private life.

[daisychain01]

scarletforya

Or maybe they fancy you and were 'feeling you out' ....!?

Without the facts, this is speculation that put the man in a very poor light, which I think is unjust to them.

[daisychain01]

Strawdolly That had crossed my mind, LadyIsabella, but it's not the case

the fact you have thought and speculated about someone's private life is a reason I have been very much against talking about myself at work.

I dont want people to know the ins and outs of my life
I dont want them to have anything other than the slightest hint about my beliefs or Thoughts, other than in a work perspective
I dont want them to know about who I choose to socialise with

The list goes on.

I woukd say I have very strong and supportive relationships at work, but they are in the context of work not personal. People know I will support and help them, that doesnt change.

Work colleagues have no obligation to share or divulge, and may have good reason to conceal, whilst trying their best to somehow "contribute" to a conversation in a very non-committal way, without giving much away. There could be a whole back story they don't want to get into.

As Kate Moss says "don't complain, don't explain".

May be a good idea to respect their choice and dignity....

[Gripneededfast]

I do this quite happily. I am my own person, make my own decisions and call myself my own name. Being married is a relationship not an obligation to be at one with that person.

[Nomama]

Internet... It's just me. They all share their personal lives, some are very friendly out of work. But I just don't like to. They are colleagues. I don't do friends much, but I really don't like mixing my work life with my private life.

I have nothing to hide, I'm just not interested in sharing 'me' with people I only know because we share an employer.

[scarletforya]

Or maybe they fancy you and were 'feeling you out' ....!?

[CMOTDibbler]

The only person who I've worked with who has done this is gay - it took till her wedding for her to come out to the group.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

One of my (now) best friends did this with me for ages. Eventually she told me her partner is a woman, and as she isn't out at work she only mentions her when she gets to know people really well?

[ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA]

Not sure whats worse not mentioning dw/dh or not being introduced to colleagues when meeting them :/ just pushed aside.

[HillyHolbrook]

I think giving the impression you're single is odd. I personally mention DP a lot because I do a lot of the most interesting things with him and my colleagues at work ARE my friends. I don't think it's weird to be private, though. There's a difference between giving off single vibes and just not disclosing any information.

[Strawdolly]

That had crossed my mind, LadyIsabella, but it's not the case.

[frignorant]

I'd think it was odd. I don't consider my work colleagues close friends but we know about partners and children etc. Although having said that, I discovered that someone I work with has an adult son who we had never discussed in the 6 or so years that I've known him. I was really shocked.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

I might guess they were possibly gay - just because the two people I've worked with in that situation were semi-closeted gay men.

[InternetFOREVER]

Wow Nomama that's quite extreme - do they ask and you don't tell them, or is it not that kind of workplace?

[Strawdolly]

Personal stuff was spoken about, they weren't secretive, they just gave the impression they were single.

[Goodadvice1980]

Hmmm, I guess sometimes people try and "hide" their OH for other reasons.

I can remember a colleague asking someone if they were eating extra as they were burning extra calories (meaning exercise) but male colleague answered in terms of "other exercise" and said that he'd have to be having sex for that to happen. I did wonder if it was a warning shot across the bows to my colleague that he was hinting!!