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Relationships

should i be worried?

34 replies

savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 18:44

Hi everyone new on here but wanted your opinions. So been with dh for 13 years, we have 3 dc aged 8, 6 and 8 months. Recently he has been texting a girl from work a lot and he has been going out after work a lot more, anyway I'm not proud of this but I looked at his phone whilst he was in the bath (was surprised he didn't take it in with him really as he never usually lets it out of his sight) anyway I read some of their text conversations and while there was nothing ott they were very familiar, calling each other nicknames and in one she put "can't wait for London" I know they went to a conference together down there but why "couldn't she wait?" Also there was one of her replying to him with "I'm not sure hot lips will catch on" (there wasn't one from him so I don't know if he deleted it or if he called her that earlier in the evening as they were on yet another drink after work) they are going out tonight and he was going to stay over and crash at one of the guys from work's house but then he said he'd booked a hotel and one of the texts from her was "I've had an idea" and then there was a link to a laterooms hotel site. I know I may not have been as attentive to him recently what with being pregnant and then dealing with a colicky baby I have been so tired we have only had sex a handful of times since dd was born. But should I be worried or Is this just a friendship that I am overreacting to?

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RedandChecker · 10/04/2014 21:55

More than £40 if it's five star OP Sad

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rowna · 10/04/2014 21:42

I think you have reason to be worried, I'm sorry. Not really understanding why he's not on the 11pm train home, given that you're home with 3 dc.

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Thislife · 10/04/2014 21:31

Stop being cool with it all. Don't look for any more evidence. Tell him he had better be home tonight or else. He is taking the piss.

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bumbleymummy · 10/04/2014 21:29

Yes, surely the hotel costs more than the taxi. Sorry, I usually sit on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt and not jumping to conclusions but this sounds very fishy to me.

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AnyFucker · 10/04/2014 21:28

he is being unfaithful, OP

I am very sorry

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 21:27

Coz the last train to where we live is at 11pm and so if he wanted to stay out later he'd have to get a taxi which would cost at least £40 so obviously originally when he was staying at a friends house he would have been saving money but now he's staying in a hotel I don't know how much that is going to cost Hmm

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 10/04/2014 21:24

Sorry, that sounded harsh - I would be very worried op.

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 10/04/2014 21:23

So you believe they are just staying in a hotel to drink later?

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deepest · 10/04/2014 21:22

why would does he need to stay at a hotel or friends house and not come home after a night out?

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 21:20

bumbleymummy he has his mobile which he never turns off or never leaves his side

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bumbleymummy · 10/04/2014 21:14

Did he not tell you which hotel it was? What if you needed to contact him in there was an emergency or something?

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 21:04

Yeah I know JohnsFarleysRuskin but he did change his story to that he was staying at a hotel coz yesterday morning I said to him "if you are staying at your mates house tomorrow night should you take some spare clothes into work today so he can take them home so you have them for Friday morning?" And then he said "oh actually I'm gonna stay in a hotel now coz X doesn't have a spare room so I'd have to sleep on his sofa" not defending him just saying that he did admit that he's nit crashing at his friends

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bumbleymummy · 10/04/2014 21:00

I would be worried and would definitely be having a very serious conversation with him about it. No way would I let him just brush this aside. The hotel thing in particular would be ringing alarm bells and waving flags all over the place!

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 10/04/2014 20:58

She's sent him a link for a hotel room for tonight when he's told you he's crashing at a friends?

This is more than a little inappropriate, no? Sorry op.

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 20:51

I didn't want this to become a "when harry met Sally" moment as in "can men and women ever just be friends?" I don't deny men and women can be friends I have male friends myself I just thought their relationship seemed a little dodgy and inappropriate and possibly something to worry about.

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 10/04/2014 20:46

Seriously blushing, you think this is just a friendship? Kept Secret from his wife, private names, planning a hotel trip, staying out all night to be with her, etc. What stupid point are you trying to prove?

Op, you know well what's going on here.

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RedandChecker · 10/04/2014 20:15

There is a difference between male-female relationships and something like the op describes which shows some red flags. I hope it is an innocent friendship but it does have some alarm bells and it seems that op has been very understanding of their relationship in the past, instincts aren't something to ignore plus op has more than just her instincts to go by here.

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ALittleStranger · 10/04/2014 20:10

Blushing do you talk like the OP's DP with your friends? Particularly friends from work?

These threads always tend to get bogged down in the principle of male-female friendships rather than looking at the actual situation. And in this case I don't think the OP is at all over-reacting. Even if they aren't having a sexual affair yet there are risk factors aplenty.

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 20:05

I have never not let him go Blushingm and I have talked to him but he brushes my concerns aside

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Blushingm · 10/04/2014 19:58

I have male friends and we tease one another but I'd be furious if dh wouldn't let me go for a drink with the friend etc!! Just because he's male and I'm female doesn't mean we are going to have an affair!!!!

Talk to you dh

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 19:49

Thanks ChasedByBees I wouldn't know how to screenshot them (not that technology minded)

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 19:44

Thanks RedandChecker

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ChasedByBees · 10/04/2014 19:34

You are not to blame for anything, you're meant to be preoccupied by a baby, it's called parenthood!

Their texts are absolutely unacceptable and pretty damning. Could you take an image or screenshot?

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RedandChecker · 10/04/2014 19:26

OP you are the mother of his children and you are in a partnership. Looking after 3dcs and one which is small
Is bound to take it's toll and your 'attention' and as the father he should understand that, if he was to see that as an excuse to go elsewhere that is not your fault. That is all him. Do not blame yourself whatsoever, you've just been being a brilliant mum.

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savethedramaforyamama · 10/04/2014 19:24

RedandChecker it doesn't sound good does it? Was worried I was overreacting but am reassured that you all see what I see. I don't really know what I want to do - like you said if I confront him now there isn't really anything concrete. I feel I may have pushed him to do it because I've been so preoccupied with the baby Sad

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