Namechanger. Sorry this is so long. Have changed names below.
Mum has emailed me to say she is back in touch with her former best friend, Sue. They drifted apart about 20 years ago but Sue and her husband Steve now live in the same area as my parents.
When I was 6-8 years old we lived a few houses down from Sue and Steve and their daughter Kate, who was my best friend. I would sleep over at Kate's house very regularly.
Kate and I used to have baths together and Steve would sometimes come in and watch us. I don't really remember the details, only that he never touched us. Twice, maybe, he made us play a 'game' that involved standing up in the bath and putting our hands over our eyes.
When I was 8 we moved to the other side of the village and I didn't see Kate so regularly. A year or so later, two girls accused Steve of touching them during the night when they stayed at Kate's house.
One of the girls, Rose, same age as me, was perceived to be a 'troublemaker' and none of the parents liked her playing with their kids. Her mother also had an affair and almost broke up two families, a huge deal in our small, insular village. So neither Rose nor her mother were particularly liked and when this came out Rose was talked about in a derogatory 'how dare she' way and my mum prevented me from playing with her, I think out of loyalty to Sue who was of course devastated. I don't remember anything about the other girl, but she was also from a 'bad family' so god knows what the rumour mill did with her. And I don't know what happened with the whole police involvement, I don't even know if it went to court. But he never did time, I am sure of that.
I remember mum asked me if Steve had ever 'done anything' to me. I said no, because in my mind what had happened was a game. I was extremely shy as a child and I remember the bath thing was pretty much the same level of uncomfortable as a lot of my social interactions so it didn't really stand out. If that makes sense?
I haven't thought about any of this in years and years, until the email from my mum. I feel sick and upset. Not for me, but for Rose, who was so brave to come forward and then ostracised. An eight year old, for fuck's sake. And my mum, who told me not to play with her. What was she thinking?
I'm not sure what I'm asking, just getting it all down really. I want to know how someone can do that, just discount the words of two children like that, and dismiss them as troublemakers. My own mother, who, while she isn't perfect, is a kind and thoughtful person. I also wish I had said something at the time so that maybe the outcome could've been different. And it makes me angry that this man is back in my parents' lives.
Would you confront? Bearing in mind this would cause huge ructions in my family? Or let sleeping dogs lie? Or is my anger totally misplaced?
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Let it go or dredge up the past? (triggering)
7 replies
bringoutthebunting · 04/04/2014 16:11
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