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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Unexpected spanking. [blush]

56 replies

SilenceWillFall · 05/02/2014 14:20

So, NC'd, before anyone accuses me of being a troll or a journo.

yesterday, DP and I were having sex and everything was going as normal - not boring or anything, but quite vanilla. And suddenly, he leans forward and smacked my arse with some enthusiasm. He's never done it before and it took me quite by surprise. It wasn't unpleasant - I didn't object, and erm, quite enjoyed it.

But today I'm feeling a bit weird about it. Am I odd for enjoying it? Was it odd for him to do it? Argh, so many questions. Any advice from the wise women of MN would be welcome.

OP posts:

Report

Sparklingbrook · 06/07/2017 22:11

Not read the entire conversation

Well it goes back 3 years...

RedComet · 06/07/2017 22:08

Not read the entire conversation but I think it is important you talk to him and agree a safe word that stops play and discuss limits.

Have fun :-)

Onhold · 06/07/2017 22:02

urgh. perv alert.

Adamadamant · 06/07/2017 21:56

Its absolutely fine that you enjoyed it, But he does need to know your boundaries so a chat would be good. But hey what's sexier than telling your partner what you like and he/she responding postively.

RickOShay · 06/07/2017 21:39

Thanks sparkling.

Sparklingbrook · 06/07/2017 21:19

TonyConrad is on a mission bumping old threads about sex..

RickOShay · 06/07/2017 21:00

No woman is a tramp.

TonyConrad · 06/07/2017 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SilenceWillFall · 06/02/2014 09:39

Ha! If I was stealth boasting I wouldne have changed my name Actually I've had to be quite careful, nearly outed myself a couple of times by accident before remembering to NC back!

OP posts:

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 05/02/2014 22:08

Ooh Silence, you,ve been rumbled. Stealth boast.

You sound very happy.I'm sooo jel-.

SilenceWillFall · 05/02/2014 21:21

We've been together about 14 years. Had a very dry spell for a number of reasons where we didn't have sex for years. Last year I asked for some MN advice about that and received some great help about communicating and since then it's gone from zero to about once every two days which I'm very happy with thankyouverymuch.

As you can see we still have a ways to go on the communication front, but we're getting there.

As to the porn diversion, I don't watch it, DP doesn't watch it, and niether of us has any desire to. Neither of us hate women either...

OP posts:

redundantandbitter · 05/02/2014 21:16

Hmm interesting posts. Someone says earlier that they'd never had a boyfriend / relationship where there wasn't some interesting diversions from 'vanilla '.

Well I was living with my DDs father for 17 yes and together for longer. He was vanilla. Honestly, he was so cripplingly uninterested in sex it was so sad. Made me uninterested too.

So when I met exp I was stunned (at 39 yrs old). No spanking but hair pulling during passionate kissing. Nothing was ever discussed beforehand - guess they were spur of the moment actions - but if anything too strange had occurred I think just a brief 'no, thanks, not keen on that ' would have been fine. Suppose it depends on how well you know each other and how long you've been together etc.

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/02/2014 21:14

I think that over time a couple develop a sexual language, subtle, but understood. I think that a bit of spontaneity goes a long way in perking up your sex life, making you more excited about your relationship and strengthening your bond.

But the person doing the spontaneity needs to read the signals and back off at the first sign that everything's not ok.

paperlantern · 05/02/2014 21:13

Logg1e · 05/02/2014 21:07

Perhaps I should watch porn, but I don't get turned on by the exploitation of others. I don't see that another discussion over porn is going to help the OP though, so I'll be glad that this all turned out ok for her.

Leavenheath · 05/02/2014 21:07

Oh I am discerning in my porn viewing Joysmum.

That's why I don't watch it at all.

Because as we keep telling you, you've got no idea whether the people you use for your orgasms are consenting, however much you invent stories about fully consenting skypers midway into a porn thread where earlier you were rubbishing the fact that abuse even existed in porn. As for the notion that watching porn doesn't have an effect on the viewer, you've already admitted that this is just your opinion and that you have no research to back it up.

paperlantern · 05/02/2014 21:06

no assumptions made either way. Just a difference of opinion

Joysmum · 05/02/2014 20:59

Paperlantern yep, similar here, I think it's just that we are wording things differently.

Logg1e you need to be more discerning in your porn watching, we know where to find what we like and avoid what we don't. I've loved getting ideas from the porn we've seen as I lack imagination. My sexuality wouldn't be as fulfilling as it is now if I didn't haven't something to help me think of new things to try. Watching stuff that doesn't appeal won't turn anyone into something that isn't lurking within them. It's either for you, or it isn't whether that's getting anything or nothing from porn or erotica, or the types that float your boat

Branleuse · 05/02/2014 20:59

If you liked it, then there's no problem

Leavenheath · 05/02/2014 20:57

As usual with threads like this, the posters who are raising the consent issues are assumed by some to dislike spanking itself.

It's just so boringly predictable.

It's not the act, it's the fact that he did it without any prior conversation at any time in their relationship about whether that was okay.

paperlantern · 05/02/2014 20:56

no offence intended . seems like the op's issue has ended on a positive note.

Logg1e · 05/02/2014 20:49

I'm not judging people and their private sex lives, so you can keep your rude "shrugs" to yourself.

I'm judging the porn industry and the way they portray sex as something violent where women are assaulted rather than healthy, fun and satisfying.

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paperlantern · 05/02/2014 20:45

I think I prefer it after... or maybe before.... lose track

Joysmum · 05/02/2014 20:40

Paperlantern there needs to be a distinction for me and my husband, but I fully appreciate we are all different.

If my DH has been working away, we need a nice long session of lazy love and romance. We don't need a spankfest of passionate lust filled animal fucking! The non vanilla stuff is an extra when the lovemaking aspect has been satisfied first.

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 05/02/2014 20:32

I think if you liked it, well fair enough.

I was brought up with awful brothers, and I,m not aggressive much but attack is first line of defence with me.
If my old man spanked me without prior discussion, I,d have knocked his bridge out.

But new is good, so long as you're happy.

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