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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

What are the rules?

66 replies

muchtooshy · 30/01/2014 18:33

About how long it is between meeting someone and it getting physical?

I am kinda inexperienced so I have no clue and I don't know what men expect!

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handfulofcottonbuds · 03/02/2014 17:50

So you didn't meet at his place then?

Are you seeing him again?

How's your confidence?

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muchtooshy · 03/02/2014 16:51

It was nice - just went for a drink at the pub. V loud and busy in the pub but we sat in a corner and managed to talk for a few hours. And he kissed me!!!

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handfulofcottonbuds · 03/02/2014 00:16

How did the 2nd date go OP?

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iamonthepursuitofhappiness · 01/02/2014 22:49

You are in a relationship already because all relationships are, are two people communicating and interacting with one another. Having a committed relationship to one another is something which just happens as the relationship evolves.

Just take one day at a time and enjoy what time you spend together. You will soon know if it is more than friendship but always keep in mind that you need to be true to yourself and not compromise too much to be appealing to him, you are you and he should like you for that.

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neiljames77 · 01/02/2014 15:22

As others have said, there's no exact rules, no agenda, no timetable. Everybody's different. What suits others might not suit you. You might want to wait before doing things with this man but with another, you might not want to wait. If you're both happy, one thing will follow another naturally. Don't force anything and don't let him force anything either.
Just relax and enjoy eachother's company. You'll be fine.

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Logg1e · 01/02/2014 15:01

Don't make being in a relationship your aim?

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muchtooshy · 01/02/2014 15:01

Dating seems v complicated!! I mean how to you get from seeing someone to being in a relationship?

Really don't think he would pressure me.

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StupidMistakes · 01/02/2014 12:53

The rules are when it feels right for you.

If you want to cuddle, cuddle, if you want to kiss, kiss, but don't do anything because you feel you should because you could later regret it.

It could be 5 dates or 5 months before you feel ready but that's the key ITS WHEN YOU ARE READY.

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iamonthepursuitofhappiness · 01/02/2014 12:34

I have skim read this so could have got a few wires crossed but my thoughts are, don't play a dating game, don't worry about 'the rules', all this nonsense is what over complicates things.

If you are getting to know him then you want to see him in lots of situations so you can see the sort of person he is. Arrange dates doing fun things whether it be a walk out somewhere nice, ice skating, cinema, pub with live music, gallery, whatever you like to do. You want him to do things with you that are every day things you like to do.

Once you have established a more intimate friendship between you two, when to kiss him or have sex will be irrelevant as it will just happen.

The thing is, we can only do what we feel is right based on what information we have. If the other person is playing the dating game and takes things further with you before you are ready really then if it doesn't work out you might regret it. If it is something you, however, want to do then no regrets eh? You have been true to yourself and they have jsut proved the type of person that they are.

They only thing to remember is to practice safe sex when the time is right for you!

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Pan · 01/02/2014 12:32

Jeez. "Don't like the sound of him.." he's obv being too polite? "He's thinking lazy and cheap date for a shag." Really?
but yes 12th the 'keep it public' comments.

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muchtooshy · 01/02/2014 12:18

He didn't notice the flirting at all just thought I was nice to everyone. Seems more complicated now than before cos when it was just a crush it was all one way.

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neiljames77 · 01/02/2014 12:08

I said that didn't I? What you read as disinterest from him was really him thinking you wouldn't want to know him, being a fair bit older.

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muchtooshy · 01/02/2014 11:55

Apparently he was v surprised!

I don't know what we are or if there should be an actual conversation about it.

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neiljames77 · 01/02/2014 11:53

I think it's nice. It takes me back to, "my mate wants to go out with your mate". :)

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Logg1e · 01/02/2014 11:47

Are you still just "seeing each other" as in, not yet boyfriend and girlfriend? Are you just getting to know each other? I don't see why this stage should include sex.

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muchtooshy · 01/02/2014 11:43

It was a bit complicated but my friend dropped hints to his brother!!

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neiljames77 · 01/02/2014 11:42

Fair enough. I didn't know he was just using his place as a meeting point before going out. You're probably best meeting him somewhere nearby instead though.
How did you finally get together btw? Was it done through your friend?

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Preciousbane · 01/02/2014 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muchtooshy · 01/02/2014 11:31

The plan was go to his place as he would have just finished work and then go out to a pub nearby.

Will text him when he is on his lunch break about meeting somewhere instead.

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neiljames77 · 01/02/2014 11:30

I know you've wanted to go out with him for a while but I hope you're not just dancing to his tune.
If the worry for you that you want to go to his place for 'drinks', as he suggests, but are bothered that he'll think you're not very good in bed, then I'd put that thought right out of your mind. It would bother him whether it's your first time or if you're a porn star.
If the worry is that you don't feel ready yet to be going round to his place but don't want him to think you're immature and call it off altogether, I'd run that risk. At least it'll let you know what kind of man he is.

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Logg1e · 01/02/2014 11:28

Also, don't feel that insisting on this is because of a lack of experience and confidence on your part. I'd expect this because of experience and confidence.

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Logg1e · 01/02/2014 11:26

Agreed. Listen to your instincts and don't have the second date at his house. I really don't understand his reasoning for this.

I'd also recommend you look up this book, "The Gift Of Fear" and see if it's something you fancy reading.

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handfulofcottonbuds · 01/02/2014 11:12

I would also keep it to public places for now. If he is a 'nice, polite' man, he will understand.

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muchtooshy · 01/02/2014 11:04

Maybe I should suggest meeting him in the pub instead and see what he says.

Really didn't think of it like that!! He has been nice and polite the whole time.

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ALittleStranger · 01/02/2014 09:41

You don't know what he's thinking because you're ignoring the obvious. He's thinking cheap and lazy date swiftly leading to a shag.

And why aren't you wondering if he's going to make a prat of himself?!

That little geographical scenario does not stop you meeting him at a nice pub or restaurant.