Please forgive me if this is long, I will try and keep as short as possible whilst giving as much background as I can.
I have been with P for 4 years. Met when I was a student, separated for 3 months in 2011 and stupidly decided to give things another shot at the beginning of 2012. I fell pregnant very quickly and very unplanned shortly afterwards and DD will be 1 next week.
Before we separated in 2011 he had an affair with a colleague. We argued about this one morning and I fell down the stairs (to this day I do not remember if he pushed me or I tripped). We separated then. Should never have gone back to each other but we did, and I wouldn't change DD for the world. Everything was great in the beginning, although the reality was me commuting away during the week for uni and him working offshore - we rarely saw each other.
This all changed after DD was born as I began working very few hours from home freelancing and he got a job closer to home that meant he was home in between shifts. (mix of 12hr day and night shifts). He has - and I only see this now - over the past year become more and more controlling in the time he is at home: basic examples including belittling everything I do: nothing I do is ever right, I am wasting 'his' money (eg I am not 'allowed' to use the tumble dryer), he begrudges everything I buy DD with my small income, etc.
I have recently just got a new job. I start next week. From the outset he has completely resented that I will be earning the same as him for much less work and will therefore have some form of financial independence again. He has been entirely unsupportive from the outset (for example, saying he would provide childcare for my interview and then disappearing on the day).
I have as much as decided that DD and I will be financially AND emotionally better off leaving him and moving into a smaller, rented property. I have thought about doing this on and off for over a year but the security of a full time job has finally given me the confidence to do so - and his increasingly controlling attitude has given me the reassurance this is the right decision.
My question, without sounding silly, is how can I actually do this?
I have found a nice house in a nice area that I can move into in the next two weeks, but need £1000 up front.
I have drawn up a spreadsheet of my income vs outgoings and financially have no means of leaving until January/February. I still have a 2k overdraft left over from my student days which cannot be increased, and as my work contract has a probation period I cannot get a loan until this has finished (despite being told by work it is a formality in the contract and the job is mine for at least 2 years). my bank helpfully stopped dishing out graduate loans last month
My only asset is my car (it's now worth about £1200 I think). He is now disputing ownership over this as he paid money towards it (about a third of the value and it was money that he owed me anyway). I have maintained it, insured it and taxed it for the past 10 months that I have owned it and the majority of it was paid for with an insurance payout after my old car was written off. The V5 is in my name as well but apparently this is not proof of ownership and he is threatening to have my done for fraud if I sell it. Neither of us have receipts or can prove who paid for it. Can he do this?
I have told him I want to leave and his response is I can't and he won't let me. If I try to he will take me to court and I will be left with nothing ( < his words)
Sorry if I haven't made much sense. I am just at such a loss as to what to do. Ideally I want to be able to sell my car and use it to put down a deposit on the rental house.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Advice needed - leaving emotionally abusive partner
20 replies
FlouncingIsles · 26/11/2013 11:52
OP posts:
spindlyspindler ·
26/11/2013 12:21
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