relationship with myself.

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

I do not think I like or value myself very much to. I used to. not now. I hate my weight but cannot stop doubting my ability to loose it..so I binge..feel guilty. .start again...doubt..binge..etc.

Those around me comment how lovely I am.. trustworthy. .caring.. make a good friend. I'm praised on my ability within my job and I feel like everyone else sees somthing I don't.

I feel like im always missing the mark with stuff. Like I never do it well enough. .could do better. I worry about what other people think. if they like me...if I give enough of myself to friendships and my relationship.. my daughter. People say how great a mother I am..but I feel like I should be doing better..though I love her immensely and she makes me incredibly happy.

I do not like how I look. . I wonder if I should be in a high flying career...is my job low level or a reflection of poor intelligence. I wish I was smarter. . I don feel very smart. Some days I don't feel like I want to leave the house, but I do for dd. I have huge anxiety over my and my daughters safety. (I am a victim of prolonged sexual abuse) sometimes I cannot even walk past a man in the supermarket without wandering what kind of man he is. It's fair to say I am a little paranoid over it,pperhaps. Though I think I hide it well.

I don't feel I have much to give anyone. I find my positive mood can shift quickly and I become upset and a bit low. never with dd though. . just life. minor things.. the day not flowing how id like. .not doing enough for dd if an activity gets cancelled for ex.


I don't like feeling like this. does anyone understand what I describe. .I dont really understand it and would like someone else's perspective. it doesn't feel like me. I feel like my tummy is full of stress and anxiety.

I really want to be happy with myself. . how can I improve the relationship with myself? my stbdh is awesome and our relationship is very strong, we are a happy li family. I have a good job, friend's family, house..on paper it all so good.

[redundantandbitter]

Big yes to counselling hun, you sound tired and fed up. Can I assume you have been to the docs and had some general tears just to make sure you aren't anaemic or have low thyroid (my mum did and when it was diagnosed there was a massive improvement). Hope you don't mind be throwing that in.

Counselling is precious - take it with both hands. I was offered some through work but my manager didn't spot I needed it til I had arranged my own sessions and had been going for weeks! It will give you space to talk and a person who will listen.

[cjel]

Don't forget that you don't have to continue with her if you don't click or feel you could work with her safely. Its the same as employing anyone- you are in control

[springylippy]

Well done Bridget

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

Thank you all. .

I think I might make an appointment with her, see how it goes.

x

[springylippy]

Yes it is normal. You've edged close to the subject of some significant primary damage, so it's natural that you'd feel a bit unhinged for a minute. it passes.

I agree that you're being brave

[EBearhug]

is it normal to feel like your teetering on the edge one day but a few steps back the next, managing OK

That's just normal life, isn't it? As long as you are taking more steps forward than steps back, so the overall momentum is forward, that's all fine - things don't usually move straight forward, it's a lot more forward and back and to the side and then forward again.

[DoYourKegels]

Absolutely normal to have good days and bad days. It will be the same with counselling. It can be a bit of a bumpy ride sometimes but it is totally worth it in the end, honestly.

One thing that you might want to ask your counsellor about is practical ways to avoid overwhelm in the time between sessions. My therapist was brilliantly helpful with practical ways to deal with, for instance, big family events, holidays, difficult situations. She gave me great advice which helped me no end - it wasn't all about my feelings during the session, although those were obviously important, but also about managing feelings during normal life. Just something to think about - depends what you want.

You are being very brave.

[cjel]

so pleased you feel bit brighter. Very very normal to have good and bad days. Our moods are constantly changing.If you were excited and happy you wouldn't expect to feel like that all the time and its the same with a bad day. hope you have lost a bit of your fear of counsellingx

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

Thank you all for taking time to speak with me- I'm feeling a bit ' clearer' today. (is it normal to feel like your teetering on the edge one day but a few steps back the next, managing OK)

im hopeful there is a day soon that I might be free of the issues caused by my past, I'm thinking things over re councilling and think it might be somthing I can deal with sooner than later, im trying to decide. Maybe it doesn't have to be this all or nothing thing I thought it would be.


x

[cjel]

I think if you are clear that your counsellor understands the person centred model of working then you will disclose what you want and at the pace that keeps you safe, so it doesn't have to be unbearably painful.x

[meiisme]

Mmm, phone missed out first sentence. Next try:

Great! Counselling can make you feel worse before it gets better, but it doesn't have to. You are in charge of what you talk about, so take it slow and be clear to your counsellor about your fear and not wanting to fall apart. You sound like you know yourself and your vulnerabilities very well, so just follow your own lead and take it a step down if things get to intense.

FWIW, I've made (and am still making) life changing changes through therapy but at no point have I felt it was too much. My therapist knows I need to take things slow, because I am the single carer ofd two children and can't afford to break down. Also, in the therapy room your psyche just doesn't go near pain that is too overwhelming. It's like peeling layers: what comes up is what you can deal with at that time and that makes you strong enough for more complicated things to come up.

[meiisme]

g can make you feel worse before it gets better, but it doesn't have to. You are in charge of what you talk about, so take it slow and be clear to your counsellor about your fear and not wanting to fall apart. You sound like you know yourself and your vulnerabilities very well, so just follow your own lead and take it a step down if things get to intense.

FWIW, I've made (and am still making) life changing changes through therapy but at no point have I felt it was too much. My therapist knows I need to take things slow, because I am the single carer ofd two children and can't afford to break down. Also, in the therapy room your psyche just doesn't go near pain that is too overwhelming. It's like peeling layers: what comes up is what you can deal with at that time and that makes you strong enough for more complicated things to come up.

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

I've been thinking about everything said here, last night I made contact with a councillor nearby. I am not sure that I will ever be able to say some of the things I've written here again out loud, so I sent her a link to here. I just needed to know if she thought I really needed help (maybe I'm hopeful she'll say ignoring its for the best and send me on my way )

I am just mulling it all over at the minute. I get married in six weeks and hope to expand our little brood in the near future.. I want this to be a really happy time. That said I don't think im about to wake up tomorrow with all this gone..so councilling or no councilling I don't think I can feel worse.. no?


I think im wary .. is councilling likely to have a 'it gets worse before it gets better' kind of effect ..I really don't want to feel any worse lol!

[wallypops]

I have seen for 4 therapists in the last 20 years, 1 was useless, 1 was nearly useless and 2 were great. Ironically the 2 that were great were actually men. I think counselling can be invaluable, but you do need someone good - otherwise it is pointless.

I went through a lot as a young kid, including an incident of sexual abuse and my mum dying, but I didn't address these things in therapy because they weren't my issues when I was in therapy. I saw a great psychiatrist/behavioural psychotherapist, during and after my divorce, he talked more than I did, gave me loads of homework to do, which has proved beneficial, and I stopped when I was feeling better. He gave me strategies for dealing with reoccurring stuff (my exh) that was happening. I go back for the odd session if I feel like the wheels are going to fall off again.

Like you I was adamant about not taking ADs and he was fine with that. Some of the stuff he told me then I am still getting my head round now, but I feel like I am still making progress. His sessions were very short - just 30 mins, and were every couple of weeks or so, to give me time to do the reading he wanted me to do.

[springylippy]

You haven't said 'too much' from the point of view of us working out who you are - you haven't given much detail that couldn't apply to any number (hundreds, thousands) of people. So not to worry on that front.

GPs often offer 6 sessions which, imo, is not enough if one has significant childhood issues (though will very probably offer CBT [Cognitive Behavioural Therapy], which are good skills to add to your bank of skills but imo dont replace eg indepth longstanding counselling). It may be that your GP can refer you to more longterm counselling with a psychotherapist but most GPs generally don't. BACP is a good route to finding out various counsellors in your area - study their profiles, draw up a list of the ones you like the look of, give them a call. I've been put off the sound of someone's voice - and thats perfectly my right which I don't have to justify: you need to feel comfortable with a counsellor (a bit like choosing a boyf!).

A lot offer the first session free so you can see if you gel with them. Some offer reduced fees, just ask (they won't be offended). If money is an issue it is possible to get low cost counselling through eg womens orgs, rape crisis. Perhaps have a look on survivors of childhood abuse sites to get some tips there.

But imo counselling is priceless when it is necessary; a vital investment, first in the queue of necessities, not an added extra iyswim.

[cjel]

sorry posted to soon! to explore your issues and make these changes. It only works with what you yourself says andonly goes at your own pace. The key is they believe that you do everything like this in order to keep yourself safe at all times,

[cjel]

Person centred is client led. It believes that we all have inside us the knowledge and skill needed to make all the changes we need to enable us to be the person we should be. The counsellor merely enables and facilitates a safe environment for you.

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

thankyou Ebear. It appears there's quite a few near me.

can anyone explain 'person centered'

[cjel]

Another thought, if you go on a waiting list now you don't have to take the place when its offered and who knows you may be ready by then.

[EBearhug]

Here's a link to the <a class="break-all" href="http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.ukwww.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">BACP site to find a therapist. There's also lots of information about types of therapy and costs and so on. And yes, you can request a woman, and if you don't get on with the first therapist you see, you can change - you need to find someone you can trust.

You don't have to go for it now - but you can find out about it, and then you know what you would be making a choice about.

[cjel]

I've sent you a PM.

[cjel]

Go through BACP and make sure you get a person centred counsellor. good counsellor will give you an introductory session in which she will explain that you will have a certain no. of sessions and then re assess whether it is working for you, although at any time you should be able to want to change or leave. It is not uncommon to not click with the first one and a counsellor will understand. You can also ask for a woman.x

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

am I allowed to request a woman?



I am always sceptical of gp referrals. . ive had a referal for a medical issue years ago and the difference between nhs and private was immense. I can't really afford private but feel 'safer' that it won't be a waste. Which probably sounds silly. Plus im not sure I can face my gp. And.. aren't waiting lists long? im not sure if and when ill be ready but think ill need to do it asap when I decide so I don't back out..

[RandomMess]

I would try and get a referral from your GP as the costs mount up. Talking with a pyscotherapist is probably what you need.

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

What sort of therapy might I need?
Maybe ill think about it.


I am home with my with my stbdh now and im getting lots of love. x