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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Sorry fb issue

63 replies

Flojobunny · 12/10/2013 17:44

Would you be annoyed if someone you really liked contacted your closest friend on fb? Even if it was to plan a surprise.

OP posts:

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Meerka · 13/10/2013 11:18

If he didnt like it, all he needed to say was "i'd rather you hadn't done it, but I realise you meant it well. Next time, can we avoid the surprise party?" No real need to get angry.

I think he has issues too.

AngeleDei · 13/10/2013 10:50

I think what you tried to plan was a nice thing myself. For him to get angry about it and then childishly delete you from FB shows he has issues... that you really don't want to be part of.

AKissIsNotAContract · 13/10/2013 10:41

Is this a different bloke from before? You don't have much luck Flojo :(

Squeegle · 13/10/2013 10:40

I couldn't agree more with those who say you've had a lucky escape. Whether you did something he liked or not you did it with the best of intentions.

Therefore his anger is completely unwarranted and not reasonable. You don't need someone like this in your life. (I speak from experience! Anger like this is awful to live with, please stay away and don't feel you did anything wrong)

PumpkinsPieEyed · 13/10/2013 09:28

He over reacted big time,it looks like he's dumped you but it looks like he did you a favour and it's only been a couple months so not much has been invested here.

If he comes back on the scene and makes out your wrong then don't have him back I wouldn't have him back for sulking alone ,he is big trouble and not worth it for you and your dc.

ALittleStranger · 13/10/2013 09:28

His reaction was extreme and there are a number of other red flags.

But I would be mad if a BF of two months started organising a secret party for me. This doesn't mean that I am "sickeningly damanged and seriously self-loating".

Hissy · 13/10/2013 09:13

You were not wrong to send that message.

You were perhaps ill-advised though to have allowed him anywhere near your DC until you knew him better, but you wanted to trust him, I do honestly get that.

A man effectively forcing himself into your life by telling you he loves you too early on is doing so for a reason. He's using smoke and mirrors to get to you, because the 'real' him isn't good enough for you to fall in love with if he were to manage the relationship normally.

He's insecure, has a massive inferiority complex, a deep mistrust/hatred of women, and would be abusive.

He flipped over your attempt to do something nice, because he can't handle people being nice. People who react like this are sickeningly damaged, and seriously self loathing.

That loathing is what he'd turn on you and your kids in time.

You trusted the wrong man, he conned you, he had to, because he's a terrible man.

Tell your kids that something's come up, and go and do something ELSE just you and them (different place too, or he might crash it)

Have your previous relationships been abusive too?

If so, you need the Freedom Programme pronto, no more dating until you've done it. Learn what the signs are, the acts of abusers, and hold yourself back a bit. It's an act of self love to make sure someone is ok, and actually to demand that they are good enough for you, and good enough for your DC.

Don't settle for scraps.

brokenhearted55 · 13/10/2013 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerpendicularVince · 13/10/2013 01:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSeaPriestess · 13/10/2013 00:40

You've dodged a bullet there OP!

Strumpetron · 13/10/2013 00:26

He was indeed, you didn't realise it'd create such a back lash, it was an innocent gesture on your part. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out.

Flojobunny · 13/10/2013 00:22

Well it doesn't matter now. Its over. I guess I was wrong to send the message and he was wrong to go off on one and use it as an excuse to dump me.

OP posts:

Strumpetron · 13/10/2013 00:20

I wouldn't want someone I've only been dating a couple of months to message my friends.

Spelt · 13/10/2013 00:04

I would keep it breezy with your kids - it really shouldn't be that big a deal. He's not massively let them down, he's not their dad. They will only be really upset if they sense that you are.

Spelt · 13/10/2013 00:01

Clearly he wasn't right for you. Big rows over not much early on? Dumping you via Facebook? Bellend.

Flojobunny · 12/10/2013 23:58

He's deleted me off Facebook.
My DC were expecting him because we have done the same routine every Sunday for the past 3.

OP posts:

anon2013 · 12/10/2013 22:50

run for the hills

Sparklysilversequins · 12/10/2013 22:48

Why are your dc "expecting" him after only a couple of months? Why is it at that level already?

Personally I think he sounds like an arse but I am not sure how I would feel about someone I wasn't that serious with making contact with my friends. I would think it was pushy. Have you met them?

There are ways to approach it though and getting all puffed up the way it sounds like he has is not acceptable.

Spelt · 12/10/2013 22:47

If you put up with this over reaction then he knows he has you where he wants you. And yes to early declarations of love being a red flag.

Spelt · 12/10/2013 22:43

I would be a bit dubious if someone I'd been seeing a few months started contacting my friends behind my back, I would think they were trying to worm their way too far into my life and it would creep me out.

However I wouldn't get angry about it, it would just make me go , and take half a step backwards.

Be thankful he's shown his true colours now and not later.

AcidNails · 12/10/2013 22:41

I suppose it would depend. If DH knew my friend already then I'd be pleased. If they'd never met then I'd be fucked off after just a couple of months. I value and fiercely guard my privacy, and would hate to feel as though someone was trying to control bits of my life, which I would in that scenario.

Flojobunny · 12/10/2013 22:03

Well he's supposed to be here at 12.30am since we have plans in the morning so I guess if he isn't here by first thing in morning then there's no way it's going to be sorted out. DC are expecting him, if he lets them down I won't ever forgive him.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 12/10/2013 20:46

Angry you wanted to plan something special for his birthday including a close mate?
Bin the twat.

Hissy · 12/10/2013 20:32

Run like the fucking wind love!

Sorry :(

FreeWee · 12/10/2013 19:26

I did the same with my DH for a big birthday surprise and he was over the moon so many of his friends came. Sorry but he was 'angry'? What exactly was he angry about? Angry that you invited his friend to a surprise event for his birthday? But that's all about him. That's doing something nice for him Why would that make him 'angry'. He sounds like a bit of a tool I'm afraid.

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