how can i stop DH from airing our dirty laundry?

[thefatandthefurious]

That, really.

When arguments between us happen (as they do in a marriage) DH gets some weird validation from involving other people. If there are people around anyway, he asks what they think and gives them a one-sided view.

Dinners with friends are littered with comments like "oh, well that's what thefatandthefursious could spend her time doing if she wasn't busy being so insecure...." Or in a conversation while out to dinner with his business colleagues talking about data security, "Well thefatandthefurious read my texts messages once and saw something from an ex and whipped it into a froth. Spoiled a perfectly nice evening, as usual."

Obviously if I then fight back when he does this we look like some jaded couple who always takes swipes at each other, so I hold back and laugh it off and pretend it's not big deal, although I'm seething inside about how he's misrepresented me to other people.

When there is no one around he will call his mother, present a really one-sided view of a discussion we're having and then tell her to hold and say to me "my mother thinks you are overreacting."

Is there a word for someone like this?

[Dilidali]

The problem is that you laugh/ignore his behaviour, OP. basically, you're enabling him to behave like that.

No, you just turn around and put him in his place sharpish. No need to handle the situation tarring with the same brush, no need to be rude and embarrass your friends/family.

He's put you down for so long, you probably wouldn't know where to start. So make a start today.

Something along the lines of: this is innapropriate, I'd like you to stop. End of discussion.

[Grumpla]

Awesome response Pagwatch.

OP, your friends are inwardly CRINGING on your behalf. Nobody is going to think badly of you for standing up for yourself except his mum and for many of them it will be a relief not to have to smile and ignore any longer.

[CharlieAlphaKiloEcho]

I don't think I could put up with this OP.

I had a partner that did similar but not quite so bad and I used to raise an eyebrow and ask " Is that really how it happened DP.....?" completely calm and looking straight at him.

He would fluster some "of course" and I'd just say "hmmm ok then" and move on to something else.

It showed the people we were with that I wasn't backing his version of the story but wasn't too confrontational.

He did stop it for the most part. Or at least he stopped doing it in front of me anyway.