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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Fuck Buddies can anyone tell me ?

119 replies

Honeysucklerose · 01/08/2013 06:55

Been wondering and what is it that is required when someone has a Fuck Buddy ?, curious really not come across this before.

OP posts:

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TheSecondComing · 02/08/2013 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missbopeep · 02/08/2013 10:18

With respect I don't think BMW6 was a FB situation- it was more a one night stand which developed. If each of them had been open from the start and said ' i have no romantic feelings for you , never will, and don't ever want any attachment with you' then that imo is a FB.

I hate to get into the feminist argument here but better people than me ( more knowledgeable about sex etc) such as Suzy Grigson, has written quite a lot about FB and believes that by and large it doesn't work for women because our hormones kick in- we create a bond with a guy we sleep with.

Many moons ago , when single,I had a kind of thing ( almost) with a guy who wanted a FB but was wary because in his words ' it would change things between us' and he fully acknowledged that it was very hard to tread the line between being good friends and having a shag now and then, and being good friends, shagging and neither person wanting more.

Missbopeep · 02/08/2013 10:22

That should be Suzy Godson- sorry.

niceupthedance · 02/08/2013 11:53

Aren't FBs and FWB different things? I don't socialise with my FB, we're not friends, we're lovers. We still have meaningful conversations, laughs etc. just not in a bar or restaurant.

Honeysucklerose · 02/08/2013 12:00

How about woman in her 50's been really abused in the past with relationships ............been single for a while , misses sex naturally , but does not work in an environment to meet any new males .................so what are we to do?............stay celibate ?, I know t is a hugely controversial topic but I think for some people it may suit there needs , maybe for the short term who knows , but it boils down to us being human and having a basic human need when all said and done.

OP posts:

Wishihadabs · 02/08/2013 12:07

I'm not sure I've ever had a fb. But I have had sex with several male friends without
a) Falling head over heals in love
or
b) messing up our friendship.

Some of them it happened just once others more than once. I for one and most of my girl friends were more than capable of having no strings sex.
Atm I have a very happy sex life with DH, but if that relationship broke down I have a few good male friends that I'd be touch with...

Wishihadabs · 02/08/2013 12:11

Just googled FWB I guess that's what I have enjoyed in the past.

Wishihadabs · 02/08/2013 12:11

Just googled FWB I guess that's what I have enjoyed in the past.

Honeysucklerose · 02/08/2013 12:16

Yea I agree wishihadabs, A FWB would be so much better and hopefully last longer than a FB !, tis a funny world we live in now I tell you, but guess it is nothing new , people been doing it for hundreds of years , it is just we talk about everything now on cyber space!

OP posts:

Wishihadabs · 02/08/2013 12:22

Best sex I ever had was fwb.We still see him and his dw occasionally. Don't think either of us have a problem with that.

Honeysucklerose · 02/08/2013 12:44

Sounds all good wishi !

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YoniBottsBumgina · 02/08/2013 12:49

I think it works for some people, and not for others. It wouldn't work for me because I don't feel sexual attraction for somebody unless I like their personality enough to want a relationship. For me, sex = a relationship. For others, sex is just sex.

Honeysucklerose · 02/08/2013 12:56

I know I am the same wish i wasnt sometimes ......................thats life what works for one doesnt always work for another ho hum......

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Missbopeep · 02/08/2013 13:13

Honeysuckle- haven't read all the new posts- but is this you you're describing?

If so, I'd say get over the abuse with counselling and decide if you want a relationship or not in the long term.

I don't see how age is a factor- loads of mature ( or younger) men out there.

Or- to really avoid complications, book yourself a male escort- that makes it very clear what each person wants- straightforward transaction with no horrible things called emotions involved.

Whothefuckfarted · 02/08/2013 13:19

99/100 times Fuck buddy situations turn sour.

One person pretty much always gets too emotionally invested in the other.

Notfootball · 02/08/2013 13:20

I agree with Yoni that for some sex is just that and others can only have it in a relationship. I am able to separate the two and I think that is why I found it easy to have a FB. I respect and accept both sides of the coin, neither is better than the other.

Notfootball · 02/08/2013 13:24

I would be interested to know if anyone has had a fuck buddy situation turn sour. Not every outcome can be perfect, though I don't think it's as high as you say Farted. Not unless there are a shedload of MN fuck buddies keeping shtum.

Honeysucklerose · 02/08/2013 13:29

Miss Bopeep - you give us food for thought!

OP posts:

madamginger · 02/08/2013 13:31

Before I met dh I had 2 FWB. One was a good friend and it scratched an itch, It would have been nice to take it further but we were both very young and going in different directions.
The other was a guy I knew from the local bar scene, he was gorgeous to look at but soooo not my type. We had a few laughs and went our separate ways the next morning.
Neither of them expected more (or got it)

goodasitgets · 02/08/2013 13:32

I've had the same one for 16 years

Honeysucklerose · 02/08/2013 13:35

Oh as goodasitgets you sound sad hope your okay , did it not end well?

OP posts:

goodasitgets · 02/08/2013 13:39

No not sad - we are still going after 16 years!!! Mainly blushing

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Dahlen · 02/08/2013 13:40

Hmm, not too sure about the hormones thing. Isn't oxytocin the bonding hormone? I thought that was released at orgasm. Men and women both have orgasms, and since sex seems largely to be defined by the male orgasm rather than the female one I'd say men probably have more oxytocin stimulus than women. Although women can have more than one I suppose...

Love/lust is certainly a chemical process and has evolved to encourage us to pair bond as a means of continuing the species, but we're not completely at the mercy of it. I've seen nothing to suggest that men are better able to divorce feelings from sex than are women. In fact a lot of the more recent research suggests just the opposite.

That said, I think very few people - male or female - are truly capable of having completely emotionless sex. I think for most people the spark that ignites lust is the same thing that makes us interested in that person as a person. That's not a value judgement BTW. I'm all for people having sex in whatever way they please as long as they're careful. It's just IME FB/FWB situations often go wrong, which isn't to say always, although it's usually down to lack of self-awareness by one or the other; those who know themselves well and know their limitations tend to do quite well out of it.

Notfootball · 02/08/2013 13:41

16 years! Well, if it ain't broke...

goodasitgets · 02/08/2013 13:43

I know. I try not to think how long it's been because I feel old. Technically it's only 13 years of sex but we first kissed age 13...

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