Ive been with my dp for 4 years. My dp doesn't have much joy. He doesn't notice a beautiful flower, sunset, view and smile. When he walks he's got tunnel vision and is in his own world, thinking about what he needs to do.
He is very selfish. Never offers to make dinner. When I walk in the door with huge car seat and ds, 2 big bags he won't get up and help because he's working (sitting at a desk in living room). He is very self absorbed and admits this but nothing changes.
If we have an argument, he will always name call. He called me mug and prick over minor things which really upset me.
When I arrange weekend days out, he's grumpy, never smiles. We went to a festival last weekend with live music and amazing food and children playing. I was making conversation but he'll either 'mm' back or silence.
He'll then moan he wants to go, it's too hot etc etc. my good mood is then gone and I feel depressed.
He's not like this with anyone else, he's so animated with his friends and strangers or about football. When his friends make plans, he'll run there. When I do he'll stall as much as possible or make us late as he obviously doesn't want to go. So I feel like he really doesn't like me much. I have a 7 month old and really don't want him to call me names or copy his dad.
He was abused as a child by his mother so I feel like I should look after him. I feel sorry for the child he was and want to wrap him up. But he really grinds me down, I feel down trodden a lot.
He also has a quick temper. While in labour I asked him to slow down over bumps (obv in a shouty-ish way as I was having awful contractions) he slammed the breaks on and yelled at me and made me cry.
He's good with ds and will play with him, change him, bathe etc but I have to tell him to do everything which is v annoying.
He proposed to me recently and I don't know if I ever want to marry this man, my gut says no, my heart, yes. I do love him deeply but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I feel very distant, especially after the recent 'mug' thing and festival.
We are going to counselling and having CBT. She sets commitments to do each week and so far they haven't been done.
I don't really know why I posted but wanted to get it out.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feeling downtrodden and detached from my partner
DfanjoUnchained · 24/07/2013 09:06
Dfanjo - please don't marry this man.
Think about how you felt in the car on the way to hospital in labour, and imagine the rest of you life peppered almost constantly with incidents like this.Where you need support, help, or even just some happy companionship, you will be met with blame, irresponsibility and grumpiness. If you marry him you're giving him carte blanche to carry on behaving like this, and I suspect very strongly that it will develop into a much sinister form of abuse.
You ask what more you can do because you're already assertive. The answer is leave. You can be as assertive as you like, but unless this man receives some consequences for his behaviour why on earth would he change things? Right now he just has to tune you out when you "go off on one" and ignore it, knowing that in a little while normal service will be resumed. 
You deserve an awful lot more than this. Even as a single mother of two you would find life inordinately easier than living with a man who is essentially hamstringing any attempt at happiness and security.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.