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To persevere with this friendship ?

6 replies

Cocodale · 17/07/2013 02:08

Four years ago my DH lost his driving license to drink driving, a 2nd offence in 10 yrs. At the time I rightly or wrongly was very ashamed so wrote to my 4 best girlfriends explaining what had happened. I got huge support from 3 of them but one didn't contact me and has not to this day acknowledged any letters, cards or presents to children (we are god parents to her daughter, they are godparents to one of our daughters).
I have no idea what the problem is, her husband was a drinking pal of my DH and I did wonder if there was some discomfort about that ? Together they would get very drunk at a family lunch.
My DH has been sober with AA for over 3 yrs now. Do I continue to persevere with this friendship ? I know I could just call but after such a long time it feels so awkward its been over 4 years now.
To write once again or just let it be ?

OP posts:

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50shadesofmeh · 17/07/2013 06:28

I wouldn't , she wasn't there when you needed her most, that's pretty unforgivable

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GingerJulep · 17/07/2013 09:15

Drink driving is pretty emotive. I was in a bad car accident (think high risk of death) caused by another driver and since that time have been even less tolerant of others drink-driving than usual.

I still enjoy a drink myself and am happy with others getting tipsy etc around me... as long as they don't get behind a wheel.

Could it be that friend no longer feels your DH is a suitable person to have around her children? And finds the situation awkward enough not to know what to say/do?

Is there a reason you wouldn't give her a ring and suggest a coffee just the two of you?

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Dahlen · 17/07/2013 10:54

If you were my friend I would feel differently about your DH as a result of what he's done. That wouldn't have stopped me continuing our friendship, however, although I may have put an end to family get-together-type socialising.

I could be clutching at straws here because I've only got your OP to go off, but I suspect you've hit the nail on the head with your reference to your friend's DH. It may well be the case that she has interpreted your letter as a criticism of her DH because his behaviour is so similar.

If the friendship is a longstanding one that matters, it may be worth one last olive branch, but beyond that I'd let it go.

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missbopeep · 17/07/2013 11:13

I know this is really hard for you- I've had friends who have just dumped me.

But after 4 years of no contact from her I think it's not a friendship any more- just in your eyes. She's nailed her colours to the mast really, don't you think?

It's easy to speculate- she may take what has happened as criticism of her DH drinking , but who knows.

Do you really want to be friends with someone who treats you so badly? In your shoes I think I'd have stopped the presents etc after 2 years of no contact or thanks.

If it makes you feel better, write - or even phone her as it's very easy to bin a letter- harder to deal with someone by phone. But you risk never being told the truth by her and being none the wiser.

Sorry it's a tough one.

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Jan45 · 17/07/2013 11:53

Well you were honest and put out a hand and she didn't respond, stop sending gifts to her children and right her off as an ex-friend.

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Cocodale · 17/07/2013 14:19

I think decision made , I don't think she would have judged so harshly what happened her husbands drinking was significantly more problematic than my husbands making social situations very difficult.

Maybe there in lies the problem, I feel sad about it but now its laid to rest thank you x