I think I could probably do with a little objective perspective. I don't know whether I'm right in feeling a little upset at the way my partner speaks to me sometimes.
It's been over trivial things, really.. For example I sent him a funny website link, and used the website's 'share' button to send it to his email address. It's not a 'dodgy site' and I wanted to save myself the time of logging into my email and sending the link as I was about to finish my lunch break.
Anyhow, later that evening I asked him whether he'd received it and if he'd had a chance to read it? It wasn't in his inbox so I said "Oh, maybe the share thing didn't work, nevermind!" Well, to this he just exploded! He couldn't believe I'd given out his email to some random site, don't I know how those things are just scams to get active addresses?!?!
He was interrupted by having to pay for his food at the till, so he asked me to wait thirty seconds (we were on the phone). I sat there anxiously, expecting him to come back and berate me further. He had calmed down, but I ended up listening to a lecture about the evils of share buttons and his endless fight with spam mail. The ironic thing was, I realised I'd entered his email address wrong anyway!
There was another occasion that he ended up making me feel like an idiot because I hadn't checked prices when booking my cats at the vet. Before I'd had the chance to defend myself and explain that after all the questions required for registering and arranging times for them both it had been forgotten by me at the end of the call. It was actually on my list of info to collect, I'd just forgotten and after the telling off from P I did call back and get price info. But did he really need to get so agitated and use it as a way of saying that I'm always letting myself get ripped off in situations like this? (He has also mentioned things about not liking the way my landord has treated me in the past, that I'm letting him walk all over me).
I've told him how I've felt on these occasions, and asked him not to speak to me this way in future, as I didn't feel that I'd done anything to deserve being shouted at.
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Relationships
Right to not like the way he talks to me sometimes?
Anghara · 16/06/2013 01:07
A happy ending - how nice. About holidays - don't under-estimate yourself. It took me 6 months alone on the other side of the world to realise I could do it and I didn't need a bloke 
Yes, you are really so well rid.
What gives him the right to dictate how you deal with the vet when you don't even live together!
And the jumper comment.... if you'd stayed with him he would have ground you down completely.
You know, it really is not so scary travelling alone. I do it all the time 
. You could always start small, like a few days in Paris or Rome for instance. So much to see you can wander around all day.
You don't need other people to hold your hand in order to have a great time!
(Travelling alone is much better for meeting people anyway than travelling as a couple).
Well, that's something. I've gone round Eastern Europe on trains with a female friend and honestly, we were fine. Don't rule it out for the future if you can find a suitable travelling companion.
He's sounding worse and worse re the jumper comment. Of course, you don't have to have a deep and meaningful conversation as such, you can just send a polite email or text saying it's not really working for you any more. If he's too sulky to talk to you he can hardly complain can he.
Oh and also I forgot to add - hopefully I should be able to get most of the money back for the railcard
Officer I think I'm starting to realise that. I think I know what I need to do.. but doing it is harder than it should be. Not least because I can't seem to speak to him for long enough to have a proper conversation recently.
It felt like a deflection at the time, Madbuslady.. The topics he said he felt he couldn't talk about are the same ones where I've felt he was 'telling me off' or ranting at me. Almost like he thinks.. that's the way I want to talk to her, she doesn't like it, so I feel like I can't discuss those topics. Instead of thinking about why I didn't like it, and doing something about it.
Saywhatwhat, how are you doing since things ended? Is he pleading again, or leaving you in peace? This guy has made comments about things I've bought too.. I wore one of my favourite jumpers and without me even asking for his opinion, he said, "I hate that jumper!" 
But he did say that he feels recently like he can't talk to me about certain topics because of the way I might react to him. He even used the phrase (I think a little light-heartedly?) 'walking on eggshells'.
You know, I've definitely seen that described before on this board. Bullies accuse their victims of bullying them. Controlling people accuse their victims of trying to control them. It's a deflection thing, I think. It stops you focussing on the fact that their behaviour is faulty and gets you worrying about your own.
It sounds like it's just going to carry on like this, to be honest. Can you get the railcard refunded (which was the thing you were trying to avoid in the first place 
)?
An update..
On the original topic of the way he's spoken to me before.. Well.. he hasn't done it again. But he did say that he feels recently like he can't talk to me about certain topics because of the way I might react to him. He even used the phrase (I think a little light-heartedly?) 'walking on eggshells'.
Now.. the holiday. Arrrghhh what a headache it's been. Yesterday was the deadline of 2 weeks before the travel date - I needed to know by then whether he would be going. He had an interview 2 days before that deadline. He got the job. The catch was, that they asked him to work for 3 weeks - right when the flights would have been. So the whole thing would need to be delayed by three weeks if it was going to happen.
He basically assumed that I'd have no problem with changing everything, re-booking new flights, asking my work to move my annual leave, etc etc.
I found out the change of plans in a two-minute phonecall before his battery died and he was heading to the pub (straight from his interview) to celebrate. I didn't hear from him again until the next afternoon. Plans were made to discuss everything later that evening (as he'd only just woken up and was hungover). He didn't call later and I couldn't get hold of him. So I really had no choice the next day at work, other than explain to my boss that I would be cancelling my holiday.
We finally talked last night, and I told him I won't be going.. He went silent then finally said he didn't want to talk about it right then and he needed to go. I asked him if he would call me when he wanted to talk about it, and we said goodbye.
I'm now wondering if this is him sulking that he's not getting his own way (ie me changing all my plans to fit with him), and the no contact is him punishing me. If that's the case, I don't think I can actually be bothered with any of it any more
Actually.. it's three weeks, even worse 
.
I seem to have derailed my own thread into discussing my holiday, but it seems relevant and no one else seems to mind either. Seriously, thank you all for your insight, it means a lot to hear some objectivity
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Thank you all for the helpful replies, I am taking things in and considering my options. And for the stories about your own holidays, it's given me a lot to think about. I think maybe I can pinpoint the source of some underlying anxiety I've been feeling about the holiday. I should be counting the days at the point, but instead find myself wondering how it's already so close!
I've checked and could possibly get 85% of the railcard refunded (but not until it's delivered!). The flights cost a fraction of what I paid out for the rail and I could probably handle never seeing that money again.
On the other hand, I think I had already decided that after the holiday I need to face up to whether this relationship is going anywhere, and more importantly, whether I want it to. We don't live in the same city and I have no intention of moving away from my job and friends. It may be that the holiday would be the last of what was only ever going to be a summer fling
MadBusLady, the comments about being 'walked all over' didn't sit right with me at all when he said it. He took what I had perceived as a normal tenant-landlord situation and turned it round to make me feel like I'd been in the wrong and taken advantage of. FFS, it was just a 6-month house inspection? I know landlords aren't there to be your buddy but P has made me feel anxious about mentioning the 12-month inspection to him when it comes up (and I probably won't mention it).
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