I'm sitting here totally numb yet devastated. My 3 yr relationship has just ended with him walking out the door. It's never been plain sailing, I've been the more submissive partner in this more than in previous relationships and I've often wondered if he truly loved me.
It all began today by me telling him some of how I felt and asking him if he truly loved me. His responses weren't what I thought they should be for example if he'd asked me that I would have said " yes of course why do you ask that" he did say he did but then said I'm not here just for sex or to get my dinner which seemed an odd response. Basically lots of things came out from me which resulted in him turning his back on me in bed and refusing to speak.
Now I don't feel I attacked him as such I just feel I can't speak about how I'm feeling without it ending like that or him saying its all about me. In the end I said how is it going to work if if you've made it so I can't mention my feelings without you accusing me of making it all about me? And he basically agreed and said he'd leave in the morning. This is not the first time simililar has happened I just feel its different this time and he won't be back.
I don't feel cherished by him and that's really all I was asking for. He's now gone back to his place given my key back. All this even after I apologised for having a go at him. When I did that he accused me of not being sorry but just trying to justify what I'd done. I can never win whatever I do.
He has a way of making me feel its all my fault even if I put a foot wrong and apologise. I did say some hurtful things like he's not interested in me or how I feel just in how me being upset makes him feel. He's never upset that I'm upset he just gets angry that I'm having a go at him. It's so frustrating
Basically I'm upset and will miss him badly as I do love him but I don't think it will work and I do believe he cares for himself more. How do I get through this? I feel guilty because his children were supposed to be staying at mine next weekend and they will be disappointed. I did say to him that he could still bring them so as not to let them down and he said no they,l be fine with their dad. He's made me feel I'm a really shit person who will never have a decent relationship and perhaps I won't maybe it is me with the problem
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
End of relationship, don't know how to feel
Brightlydoesit · 08/04/2013 06:59
Brightly
Good, let it sink in that its the end.
Yes, its painful, but there are worse things. Get it in perspective.....all you've lost is someone who treated you badly.
Keep busy and make sure you go for those swims 
Brightly I don't mind you being nosey - he ended it, which never feels good at the time, but now that doesn't seem to matter at all. He did me a favour; so glad to be rid.
And so pleased you got out and about today, and healthy food and swimming = feeling good
Hello Brightly
Have been wondering how you're getting on.
Okay, here's my words of wisdom:
Ask youself:
Do I want to still feel like this in a year (even in 3 months)? If the answer is "yes", then go ahead and contact him. He'll no doubt offer a few crumbs of niceness and you'll be back to square one. Remember, square one is a crap place to be. You were there at the begining of the week. You've moved on a little since then - even though you still feel awful - but moved on you have - stay 'moved on' - don't go backwards. Backwards will ensure you stay in an awful place.
Do something today - get yourself up and out of the house - go for a walk/swim/wander round the shops - meet/phone a friend - just don't sit around focussing on him and letting yourself wallow in victim mode. Don't waste anymore of your precious life on him.
As I metioned in my previous post to you > I went through something similar to what you're going through a few months ago. I've just bought Your Best Year Yet! - really cheap off Amazon - to help me plan my year ahead, but I already know its gong to be much better than the last few years have been and want a bit of support to ensure its brilliant
Also I went on the OD site OKCupid and did one of their quizzes - I've not signed up because I don't want that yet, but they send me a daily email with profiles of a handful of guys. They're mainly tossers not my type, but the odd one looks remotely normal and its just nice to flick through and made me think that when I'm ready perhaps there might be someone nice out there for me, if I don't meet anyone via all these exciting things I'm going to be getting involved in during my brilliant year ahead 
.
So although I'm pretty sure I want another man in my life at some stage, and am happy to keep a look out for one, I know that this time around I'll see those red flags. Now (just a few months on from where you are now) things are are very much about me, me, me, not him, him, him.
Find your own way - but don't contact him.
Hey Brightly do keep posting if you feel it's helping you, get it all out.
I know we've spoken lots already but just wanted to add -
When the time's right and you choose to find a new partner then you'll know the red flags to look out for next time.
Guys who make an ill partner feel like a hindrance or make them feel 'lucky' to have someone to put up with them 
are, I would think, in the minority. A normal caring and loving man, who is committed to a relationship with you, will embrace the whole you, whatever that entails.
Chin up honey and enjoy your swim this afternoon x
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.