just asked/told DP to leave

[macklemom]

My dp of 13 years has become increasingly horrible. He has been fond of waving the "If you don't like it I 'll leave " card whenever challenged re his behaviour. This morning I just said fine, I agree that you should go.
So now I am hiding upstairs waiting for him to actually fuck off.
There is a long and difficult back story to this which I will fill in when he goes. Sorry for the drip feed - need some support. I have posted before but under different names and he has tricked me into believing he will change - I have realised for a while now that he won't.
We have four children and I am pregnant. I have a very demanding job; he is unemployed. My family all live hundreds of kilometres away.

[Dryjuice25]

Yes Katrine. The way he is with the kids is wholly unacceptable. Why is he damaging his own DCS? There is no excuse for this.

[macklemom]

The unemployment is a result of an accident which left him incapacitated for two years during which the company he worked for ceased trading. He has not been able to find work since as his profession has been badly affected by recession.
However he hasn't tried to retrain or seek alternative employment either.
He did receive a substantial compensation pay out which he blew 50 percent of on the horses - did I mention he is a gambler?

[macklemom]

He needs money for the bus.
I have left it downstairs.
I feel a bit wobbly

[macklemom]

oh god more bag rustling and draw slamming :(

[Hopasholic]

He's trying to make you feel sorry for him. Don't. Stay strong, you've made a difficult decision but the right one for you and your children. Try and find out if you'd be entitled to any financial help with childcare/ WTC Go onto Gov.uk/ benefits adviser, you can do a rough calculation without putting any personal details in.
( obviously not right now, you've got enough on, but do have a look)

[DoctorWhoFan]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but be strong, for yourself and the DCs.

Do you know what he's taking? Just in case he's hoofing off with all the family 'silver'?

[Lizzabadger]

Don't start feeling sorry for him. Ignore, ignore, ignore all his pathetic attention-seeking attempts.

[macklemom]

nothing of value for him to take here; it's all high drama..

[Dryjuice25]

He is just attention seeking. Ignore. You are doing well so far. Let him go.

[Gintonic]

Stay strong. Put the key in the door when he's gone so he can't let himself back in.

[macklemom]

well he's gone. Took a few clothes in a binbag.
As he was leaving he announced that he will be here on tuesday or wednesday to go to the council and take his name off of the tenancy agreement. Said as though he was doing me a favour .
I pointed out that it was in his interest to do this as he will not qualify with help towards his own housing costs if he didn't.
Stupid man.

[Flisspaps]

Well done you.

And breathe.

Tell him that you will meet him at the council office (or wherever you need to go) to take his name off, he doesn't need to come to your house to do it.

[DoctorWhoFan]

Oh well done macklemom. You did it! Now you can face your future with a smile and a spring in your step away from someone who is nasty to you and your children.

[BeCool]

Well done macklemom - he's out!! You are so doing the right thing - even the kindest and most understanding partner has to draw the line somewhere when things just don't change for the better. It does seem to be that bad behaviour leads to worse behaviour, rather than improvements in these men.

I asked my P to leave at Xmas - now it's March and it's amazing how quickly the new routine and new 'normal' happens. Me and the DC are all enjoying our lives without exP's hostility, and exP is trying very hard to be nice!

You can do this & you will all be better off without him. {{{hugs}}}

[macklemom]

don't really know how I feel to be honest.
I am happy but afraid of the long road ahead.
Two of the dc's have additional needs. I am exhausted with this pregnancy.
I guess it will be easier without a manchild on top.
The house is in bits as with me working full time for the last two years he hasnt kept on top of the house work/maintenance- I have had to do it; but struggle since being preggers.

[CityTiliDie]

Well done for chucking him out and make sure he stays gone.

Must say I'm a bit surprised why you went on having children with this twat when you have had a 'long history' of trouble and violence.

Bit late now.

Good luck

[macklemom]

thank you for the overwhelming support everyone.

CitytilIdie - thank you but I must say I have seen similar comments on other threads ( not by you) and always think it sounds terribly rude to ask someone 'why' they had their children. I don't expect such comments are meant to be insulting but it sounds like the posters think the children from abusive relationships don't deserve to be born.
A quick read of these boards will show that it is not uncommon for otherwise intelligent women to be married to and have children with abusive men and that extricating oneself from such is a long and painful process.
Sorry but my children are loved and adored and it just rankles a bit when comments as such are made.. not looking for a bunfight :)

[SolidGoldBrass]

Have a chat with WOmen's Aid about getting help and support for yourself, also your midwife/HV/GP and the police DV unit. As this wretched man has a track record of violence, they will support you in keeping him out of the house and indeed getting a non-mol order to prevent hiim coming anywhere near you if necessary. RIght now you need, by the sound of it, some practical help with the DC and, in time, some counselling for yourself eg Freedom Programme. If you had an awful childhood, that's part of the reason why you have ended up with an abusive man - it's not your fault, but people who have been abused are attractive to abusers.
Best of luck, your new life starts today.

[macklemom]

eek something weird going on with this thread..ie its not showing up ..

[akaemmafrost]

Anyone who asks someone why they had children/are pregnant when that person posts about their relationship being problematic and for support is a complete and utter arsehole.

IMO.

[CityTiliDie]

You're right it doesnt matter now anyway and I appologise if anyone found it offensive to ask a question, being a male I do not understand what makes an intelligent woman think " this partner of mine is a twat, drinks, takes drugs, gambles, is violent towards me...... I know what will help. More children!"

I'm not having a go at any one and I know these children are nearly always loved and well cared for but they are nearly always damaged by the parents relationship too. I simply dont understand why you would have more in a relationship that is that bad.

If any one can explain I would be grateful.

I hope that OP gets herself sorted and this nob out of her life for good.

[akaemmafrost]

Well City now you know it's a cramp thing to do so don't. And stop trying to drive your point home even when apologising because that kind of makes it NOT an apology.