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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

decree nisi being read in court tomorrow, ex plans to attend & defend

32 replies

sparklesunshine · 07/02/2013 20:31

I filed for unreasonable behaviour, he acknowledged service but did not file a response within the timescale required so it got put before the judge without him. Judge agreed my grounds were enough and plans to read it out tomorrow as undefended. If my ex turns up (as he plans to) to argue against it, will it still go ahead? Do I absolutely have to attend? If I do, what do I need to bring with me?

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sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 19:09

that sounds fantastic jayho, although i'm leaping at the absolute as soon as it's available. people keep saying 2 years... that's only 5 more months. please let this have settled by then.

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jayho · 08/02/2013 17:19

.........but you'll be free of him the rest of your life, slowly slowly etc. Took me two years and in the end although I was desperate to be shot of him and because I'm a vindictive cow I made him wait six weeks for the decree absolute........... twas bliss to be in charge.

sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 17:04

ok. thanks for that iheartdusty. the thing that had me most disparing was that this would take another four months. (i petitioned in Oct).

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iheartdusty · 08/02/2013 15:28

Don't wait until July because i) you would have to issue a new petition and pay a new fee (you can't add it to your existing petition because the 2 years' separation hadn't expired by the date of that petition); and ii) it sounds like he won't agree anyway and you must have consent of the other party for a divorce based on 2 years separation.

You have sent him an email asking what he'll agree to. Either he will reply with something acceptable, or he'll reply with some nonsense, or he won't reply. If the first, then amend your petition accordingly and re-submit it. If the second or third, give him (say) 2 weeks to reply then copy all the emails to the court and re-submit your statement with a covering letter asking that no more time be given to him as he failed to file an Answer when he had the chance.

sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 15:06

Do I have any guarentee he would agree to the petition in July?

I really don't understand how the judges can accept this. I have a lawyer because this (more the children issues, but this too) is important to me, plus I found him difficult to say the least when we were together. it's partially a buffer from his bullsht, and frankly from intimidation at the beginning. why is he getting extra time, help, benefit of the doubt because he's too cheap or arrogant to get proper advice? why is this something that is rewarded?

no costs have been ordered yet, the judge just said they would be likely in future. any one know if i could still request them if i did wait until July?

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NicknameTaken · 08/02/2013 14:41

Yes, my ex has been a litigant in person and got gobsmacking amounts of leniency from the court, which has added and added to my costs.

So worst case scenario, you get to divorce him on the basis of two year's separation in July. Might be worth waiting a few months if your ex won't cooperate?

jayho · 08/02/2013 14:00

Is the cost order for today's hearing? If so, I think you can charge him all reasonable legal costs you have incurred in relation to the hearing. So preparation of docs, submission, attendance. Can someone correct me if I'm wrong?

Sunnywithshowers · 08/02/2013 13:54

My XH turned up at court, the bastard. All he managed to do was hold up the absolute for 6 weeks.

Good luck :)

sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 13:45

on the good news side, the judge was very clear he would have a costs order. would this still be in play if he petitions me or if i file for 2 years separation?

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sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 13:44

yep, bet he's feeling increadibly proud of himself. I sent an email asking flat out what grounds he would accept... we'll see what he comes up with. I really don't care what it says as long as it goes forward.

2 years moved out separation would be July. He's not clear that he believes the marriage has broken down.. so I don't trust that he would agree.

he turned up, late. :) i'm just so frustrated that he gets all this latitude as he's a litigant in person but i'm the one who need to pay and get frustrated with the results. i assume it will happen eventually.

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NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/02/2013 13:30

This is exactly what my ex will do, I know it. I might just wait for 2 years and go for the separation. Weighing it all up, it's just not worth the stress.

jayho · 08/02/2013 13:26

What Izzy said with an added twunt!

izzyizin · 08/02/2013 13:25

Aw, shit. Is this what you've been told by the Clerk's Office? It seems the Judge has erred on the side of caution and doesn't want to see a defended Petition in his Courtroom.

How long have you been separated? Is this a DIY divorce or have you had a solicitor acting for you?

Is your h opposed to divorce, or is he opposed to you divorcing him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour? Is there any room for negotiation - i.e some cosmetic or minor alteration to the wording on your Petition that may make the pill easier for your h to swallow?

I expect he's crowing like a rooster now. Twat!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/02/2013 13:24

Or would he agree to you divorcing him for adultery.

It's silly him playing games like this. In the end, it's just costing money.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/02/2013 13:22

Could you agree for him to divorce you instead? On some trumped up grounds of unreasonable behaviour perhaps. Or adultery if you've moved on and had a relationship with someone else since. As long as you agree to it it'll go through.

Failing that you'll have to wait for 2 years separation I suppose. That's assuming he'll agree to it in 2 years time.

Did he show up in court this morning?

sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 12:59

no luck, the judge now requires us to 'agree' the grounds and resubmit the petition. how on earth do i get that to happen?

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sparklesunshine · 08/02/2013 07:16

i will let you know, and look forward to that

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izzyizin · 07/02/2013 23:48

I hope you'll be back with an update soon - I'll have a waiting for you

izzyizin · 07/02/2013 23:12

Tomorrow's proceedngs are by way of being a formality in that your case will be one of many where decree nisis will be rubber stamped pronounced and, as due process of law has been observed, there's no reason why he, or any of the other Respondents to the numerous Petitions due to be put before the Court tomorrow, should be granted extra time to file a defence at this late stage.

izzyizin · 07/02/2013 23:03

He hasn't just had due time to file a defence, knowing that he hadn't done so within the time allowed he's also had ample time to notify the Court if he is/was in need of additonal time to file well before tomorrow's date, iyswim.

Overall, I doubt that the Court will look kindly on him but I suspect he'll bottle it and not turn up.

izzyizin · 07/02/2013 22:52

It tends to depend on the Judge and whether they've consumed a very good breakfast or are suffering from indigestion but most are well versed in the art of debunking deflecting vexatious litigants, especially when they appear in person expecting to win the day

sparklesunshine · 07/02/2013 22:39

oops - and about one month after he did reply.

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sparklesunshine · 07/02/2013 22:38

you would make me very happy if this is the case izzyizin.

he did respond to the petition, late but well before this decision was made (i got notice of the decision 3 months after my petition, 2 months after his deadline). would he get another chance?

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izzyizin · 07/02/2013 22:16

Your stbxh was served with your petition which he acknowledged and was given time to file a defence.

Unless he can provide evidence by way of hospital/doctor's certificate or similar to show he was physically indisposed/unable to respond within the time allowed, it's unlikely the Court will grant him leave to file a defence at this late stage.

If it's his intention to 'argue the case' tomorrow, he's likely to be sorely disappointed because the most he can hope for is a couple of weeks' grace to file a defence.

You'd be surprised how many idiots let it get to this stage and how many bluff and bluster that they're going turn up, argue this, get that, etc, none of which comes to pass.

There's no need for you to appear tomorrow. If he's granted any additonal time you'll be notified by the Court - or you could give the Clerk's Office a call late tomorrow afternoon to find out if your nisi has been decreed.

Lueji · 07/02/2013 22:16

It's a different country and system, but just saying that some men are like that.

In my case it took over 1 year from filing to the court audience, with an "attempt at reconciliation" audience in the middle.
But the law here means no "guilt" has to be proven, just that I had good reason not to want to be married anymore.

Hopefully all will be ok for you and your ex will only waste his time. Just try not to show you're affected by it.

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