Because I'm not sure who knows that I do, and it's making me feel really sad. I wanted to reach out somewhere and the relationships board seemed a good place to do so, because this issue is about relationships.
I have a disability and at present I'm feeling very forgotten. I live with another woman in a flatshare who is lovely but she's always out. I don't work so don't have work colleagues, no children either. I do have good friends, but I'm not well enough to get out to see them more than every few weeks. And of course, they are really busy with their own lives; their children, their husbands, their jobs so it's not their fault I don't see them more.
I have not seen anyone in 5 days (other the housemate for about an hour one day when we watched some tv). I'm not going to see anyone until next Friday, when I go to volunteer, which I do for 2 wonderful hours a week. And I'm struggling so much with being so lonely. My disability has made me isolated for 10 years because of the nature of it; basically fatigue prevents me from doing all sorts.
I did have a partner, and it was bloody brilliant, knowing each day that someone was going to come home each evening, someone to laugh with. It was a good thing that relationship ended though and I am actually making the effort to go out on dates now (though Christmas wiped me out so I haven't been on one in awhile). I'm joining a couple of new social groups in my city because I do need to get out more. And I have all sorts of hobbies which I pursue in the day, which are not too tiring gentle but really fun. I have a lot of interests, which is lucky.
But I'm still struggling. I love people. I travelled a lot before getting ill, I felt passionate about seeing new places and meeting new people. I'm not suited to sitting in a house by myself day after day, year after year. But I'm not sure what I can do about my situation. I don't have family in the area and I can't move back to them as they live very rurally and my social life would shrink further.
Thank you if you've got this far. I'm not sure what I want from posting here. Support I suppose. Ideas to change my life (is such a thing possible?) And just for one moment not to be forgotten, because right now it feels like other than my parents everyone else has forgotten I'm sitting here, alone.
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Relationships
I just need to say that I exist
agoodblue · 20/01/2013 17:42
My sister was diagnosed with CFS/ME about 3 years ago. She went to the doctor, had lots of tests, then was diagnosed with CFS, and they recommended CBT. She says that NHS CFS departments are very depressing!
Because the NHS didn't seem to have a good idea what was the cause and what might help her she tried a range of 'alternative' therapies as well. She tried them all pretty much at once, so we're not sure what worked for her, I've written a list with her thoughts. She was determined to get her life back, and we did a lot of reading of books and the internet to try and find anything that would help her. Before being ill she was very active, and then suddenly she couldn't work, play sport, go out, talk to more than one person at a time, her sight blacked out if she did too much and she was back in bed recovering. It must be so so hard to go from an active and full life to what she was living.
She went from not being able to walk for even 5 minutes to playing a bit of football in about a year. 3 years later she is playing 90 minutes of football every weekend, working, life is pretty much back to normal 
Because CFS/ME is such a broad umbrella covering what may be several separate diseases, these may or may not work for you - I really hope one of them is useful.
She highly recommends Perrin massage www.theperrinclinic.com. If you are anywhere near Birmingham I can pm you details of the bloke she saw. It's expensive, but did seem to offer an explanation, and concrete results. I think she credits the Perrin massage above all with her recovery.
She also saw a dietician, took lots of supplements, cut out wheat and dairy for a while, then gradually reintroduced them. All under the guidance of the nutrition lady. They even ended up sending a poo sample off to Germany to be analysed! Possibly TMI there! She stopped drinking alcohol completely, and improved her diet. Now when she gets the early signs again she makes sure her diet is balanced and cuts right back on the alcohol, and that seems to sort her out again. She doesn't take any supplements any more, and has no problem with wheat or dairy, so that was probably a red herring. She does now eat more veg and less pizza, burgers, processed food, her diet was pretty bad before!
She got herself out of a stressful situation - she had some stuff going on in her personal life that was very stressful at the time.
I really hope some of that is helpful. And I hope you enjoyed meeting up with your friend on Saturday night.
Candle/music/audiobook and a bath sounds great Katie.
Fuzz sorry to hear you have M.E too, that's what I have in addition to other things. You know it's interesting, I think when I got ill I thought 'it'll take me a couple of years to grieve then I'll come to terms with it and live my life' but that isn't true. I grieve in one way or another every day. It never gets easier. I have found a way to live a good, meaningful life in many ways and am grateful for all sorts of things I have. I'm still so priviledged compared to many around the world; I'm well fed, have friends, have a roof over my head and money in my bank account for upcoming bills. But each day it's a feeling of 'how did this happen? How can I reverse this and have all the things I so want (I can't), how on earth can I cope with years more of this lifestyle?' It never gets easier.
A couple of hours in a cafe would be good. There's one a 5 min drive away. When the snow clears I shall try and go. Last time I went there the waitress kept calling me darling and I almost burst into tears at someone being kind. But will take waterproof mascara and hankies next time. 
I am feeling positive about the counselling. I have been saying I'll go for years and put it off because of the cost, but it's important.
Sometimes in order to destress I put on the audible version of Hillarys books, light a candle and relax. Better than meditation and less strenuous than Yoga
Sorry to go awol. I'm so shattered I'm struggling to do much at all and not coping too well, mostly because of exhaustion.
Dequoi just cats! I should look into guinea pigs but not sure how I'd clean their hutch out. My carer has enough to do already and I couldn't manage.
Kiwi so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm lucky I don't get too bored most of the time because I love my hobbies but sometimes it is a real killer. I love how many pets you have! Will plan on messaging you (and the other kind people who have offered to chat), but forgive me if I don't get round to it at the moment, it'll be because of exhaustion.
Were I'm not sure if I can say, would be so embarrassed if a friend read this and recognised me.
It has been a bad day. I sorted a couple of dates/coffees out and am having to contact people to cancel as too tired. I've been lying here terrified my parents are going to die and no one will remember I'm here or ever ask if I'm ok. As a restult I've contacted a counsellor, my anxiety about this has been out of control for a long time and it just feeds my exhaustion. I don't like living with this level of fear. I just feel very sad and baffled how this is my life when as a child I was so ambitious and hard working and healthy. I never dreamed this would be my life. I'm 30 and I've been in bed for 10 years while everyone else lives their life. 
You've done brilliantly, well done 
. At least you've got a couple of things to look forward to.
Is your housemate allergic to all pet-hair or just cats? Guinea pigs are good little pets, they like attention. Fancy rats too, I believe.
Hello again good. A lot of us on MN (including me) are sprogless for various reasons, so you're not unusual. There are some lovely men on here too.
There are various meets, I haven't been able to get to one yet. Some are in the daytime and more 'family' affairs, where others are more geared around chatting and getting pissed.
I love writing too, I've read Bringing up the Bodies and I luffs it. There's a big section on here for book lovers, btw, and writing.
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