Sorry to revive a dead thread. I have seen a few of these in the internet when occasionally looking for advice and it was always an irritation.
Things have changed a great deal in the meantime. I had a pay rise, so I did not have to work as much overtime to make ends meet. I did get minor illnesses a lot though, and went to Doctor about it. He promptly diagnosed severe depression and adviesd us both that I should work as little as possible.
I later told my wife that we would have to look at getting divorced, as my mental health would not survive the marriage. She was shocked at the suggestion of divorce and has helped me with the housework since then.
With the rest, talk was easier. It seems that as I would have to do housework if I was single anyway, she did not really consider it her job. Equally, I would have bills to pay if I was single, so the financial contribution was not really her thing, or rather anything she could give was just a bonus.
She also encouraged me to talk to friends if I was finding marriage hard (she does genuinely worry about my welfare, which may not come over very well). I did, and they pretty much advised me to divorce. They were not blind and had been concerned. I ended up shouting at her one day (not something I am proud of) and agreed to marriage counsellng.
People often think of Scandinavia as a feminist paradise, but marriage guidance here is different to the UK. At these sessions, I have been told that I am doing great, hold on. My wife has been advised to "Get over herself" and on communication; "Have you tried listening to what he actually says". There is no presumption of guilt on the man as there often is in the UK.
The advice has been to put of any long term decisions like kids until the summer and reassess married life then. I take that to mean, give it until the summer to improve and then get a divorce if it does not. My wife takes it to mean I wait until the summer, calm down and then stop worrying about having kids. She does take the counseller seriously, who hears both sides of the story help (her friends would hear that my poor wife is having to cope bravely with a husband who works too hard).
Oddly, we are getting on better than ever before. Things like her making me a cup of tea mean a huge amount. The cliche about getting out of marriage what you put in is true as it turns out. I have gained a huge amount of emotional independence and self respect in the last year. I fear my wife is losing a great deal of self-respect and is becoming slightly self indulgent in its place, which is not helping her I fear. I have also had time for meditation, which I have always been interested in (together with beer and rugby league, so as not to give a misleading impression).
This reply is not really for general reading, but I did stumble across thread like this one that just ended. A year later, I feel much better and far more optimisitic. Even my resting heart rate has fallen from 70+ to the late 40s.
As for advice, I have nothing useful really. Self-awareness seems to be everything and can be hard to face. meditation is good for me, but I was brought up with it (It is very important for some in the Catholic Church).