I'm pregnant, husband says he doesn't love me, I'm just lost.

[MrsGwizz]

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my second child, my first DD is 4. I have been married for 9 years, together for 14. My husband has been very distant for the last 6 months and 2 weeks ago I challenged him and asked if there was something going on. Then the shit hit the fan! He says he doesn't love me, hasn't for about 2 years! I still love him and thought we were just having the same kind of ups and downs that everyone has. He says he's very depressed and the only way to fix it is for us to not be together, I can only see that this will make all of us miserable.

We don't have big, blow out arguements, but we have had a tough 4/5 years. My previous company was not happy about me having children and managaged me out of the organisation (when DD was 1), I was unemployed for 6 months which was hugely financially difficult and took a long time to recover from plus the impact on my self esteem etc. Then 2 years ago my mum died, quite suddenly, I didn't go to pieces as I had DD and other family members to consider. Now pregnant again my new company (I work FT) seem to be singling me out and I feel very uneasy about their intentions.

We have been to 2 counselling sessions where he has reiterated the fact that he wants us to split and feels that the counselling is to help me come to terms with this. I feel that we owe it to ourselves and our children to try and fix this.

He says there isn't anyone else but I can't see how he could be so committed to the idea of splitting without an attractive alternative option. I have said that if he wants to seperate then he needs to say that and leave, he won't committ to this. He is reluctant to talk to his family/friends about it because he doesn't want to look like a bastard. I don't want him to regret splitting and try to come back when I feel it's too late.

I have told my sister and she is very supportive but I just feel so alone, in limbo and scared that everything I wanted for my/our future is destroyed because of his mid life crisis.

[Isetan]

Really, if I had the ear of a 'Spellcaster' I would not waste it on some bloke, some people really do need to dream bigger.

[MatildaTheCat]

ZOMBIE THREAD SPAM. REPORTED.

[Mothervulva]

'Spellcaster'

[ChristmasFayrePhyllis]

I am extremely sorry that your husband has turned out to be such a piece of shit. Do not be afraid to tell people what has happened and take all the support you can get. Your children will be fine, because they will have a parent (you) who is loving and models integrity and faithfulness in their relationships.

Getting angry with the 17 year old, while understandable, will only distract you from the rightful focus of your anger, which is your husband. He is the one who owed you fidelity and respect. If it hadn't been her, it would have been somebody else.

[ChippingInLovesChristmasLights]

Bastard really should have thought about that before creating another life with you. As much as you will love this baby, it would have been much easier if you weren't pregnant.

Tell everyone what an absolute wanker he has been - don't let him get away with telling anyone you have 'grown apart' or whatever other nonsense he'd come up with.

She's only 17 - she is still a kid. A poor kid taken in by an older bloke who should be strung up by his balls.

You sound quite strong, I think you will come out of all of this just fine, better than you have been in a long while I suspect. Don't allow yourself to give a flying fuck how he comes out of it!

[izzyizin]

Will you have supportive people around you on Christmas day, Mrs Gwizz? Can you take dd and go to your sister or can she/her family come to you?

Maybe making it magical for your little girl and seeing the wonder in hr eyes will help to ease some of your anguish just for a short time.

That may sound unlikely but try to use any tactic you can to get you through, even pretending to yourself that it's just another day - after all, for the vast majority of the earth's population Dec 25 is nothing special.

Use this thread to vent all you want and in any way you want and, if you haven't already got one, buy a dartboard and put his photo on the bullseye - and at double top and anywhere else that will increase the odds of the arrows finding their target.

There have been so many others who've come to this board having had their worlds implode because cheating lying twunts have followed their dicks formed liaisons with ow after having impregnated their dws/dps.

They've got through it and so will you. This time next year you'll look back with astonishment at how far you've come and, no matter what you've done or felt like doing in the first awful shock of discovery, you'll have nothing to reproach yourself for.

There's nothing to fear, honey. It is what it is, and what it is will pass and you'll go from strength to strength in the process.

[NervousReindeer]

So sorry your going through this OP I hope you have lots of real life support

I hope you stand strong against your twat of a "d"h and don't let him come back when he realises life with a teenager isn't all its cracked up to be

[izzyizin]

Apology accepted TIred. It's unlikely the OP will be able to consult or instruct a solicitor until way into the New Year and, in the meantime, I reckon she should lay down the law to him in such a manner that he's under no illusion that she's going to roll over and let him dictate terms.

If he's not embroiled in a sexual relationshp with this young woman it may just haul him back from the brink, but if I was the OP I'd be pushing him off the edge cutting him loose because the nature of his betrayal at this stage in her pg is not one that will be easy to overcome.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Sorry izzy misunderstood and thought you were serious.

I think there will be big emotional fallout for this girl later in life and I can't help thinking if this were my daughter in five years' time (though God knows I hope I'm raising her to never do anything like this). It's an awful thought.

I don't think you should call her a slut either OP. She IS a baby at 17. He's 34 and a father, with a wife who is pregnant. It's obscene. You have no idea what bs he has said to her. He's the bad guy x100.

Get angry with your husband, get really angry!! And AF is right, if you make her the villain you risk letting him off the hook later, when you are tired looking after a new baby on your own and desperate for help.

[izzyizin]

Whatever else this 17 year old may be, she's not a child. Furthermore, she has visited the OP's home and is aware that her lover/suitor is a married man with a 4yo dc and a pg dw.

How he's spun this to her will no doubt emerge in the fullness of time but it would be remarkably naive of anyone to believe that this young woman, who is merely a matter of weeks/months or less away from becoming an adult, has not encouraged his advances.

She may be flattered by his attention to the extent that she's putty in the hands of a man twice her age but, unless her upbringing has been severely deficient, it's not unreasonable to suppose that she knows right from wrong and is capable of rebuffing his advances.

I reckon your instincts have served you well, MrsGwizz. I share your suspicion that Miss Teen Dream is fantasising that she will take your place and, given her immaturity, she may be of the opinion you will step aside so that she can be installed as mistress of your home and stepmother to your dd in the very near future.

Aim both barrels at him and fire, honey. The sooner all concerned are aware that you're going to be calling the shots, the sooner you'll be able to recover your equilibirium after what has been the most appalling shock for you.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

That is your choice of course. The more energy you expend on hating her though, the more vulnerable you will be to colluding against her with him when the stupid fuck realises what is doing and wants to come home.

[MrsGwizz]

Any fucker- She's 17, not a baby. She may not appreciate the gravity of the situation she is involved in or how she may have been manipulated by an older man but she has made choices here and at 17 I certainly knew better. I refuse to be sympathetic to her or him.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

I know you are devastated, but please don't call a child a "slut". Save your vitriol for your skank of a husband.

[izzyizin]

Please note that I have NOT suggested the OP names the girl as co-respondent, Tired, but I have suggested that she gets some fun mileage out of making him think she might cite her if she divorces him for adultery*.

So far, he's had it all his own way and see no reason why the OP shouldn't put the cat among the pigeons disabuse him of the notion that this state of affairs (no pun intended) is going to continue.

FWIW, the OP is coming across to me as being remarkably pragmatic about how it's going to pan out for him and the sooner he becomes aware that he won't be calling the shots, the better.

Also FWIW, I see no reason why the OP can't keep her dignity while she puts him straight on the possible consequences of his folly.

As for him being depressed - tell it to the birds because I'm not buying it and it certainly doesn't seem as if he's been feeling too down to romance a girl who's young enough to be his daughter. Or maybe this is the new Prozac?

*I suspect his 'only kissed' tale is also one for the birds - or the Marines.

[Bullets]

What a total shit.

I have nothing constructive to add sorry OP, I don't post very often and just wanted you to know I've read your thread and I'm rooting for you. You will get through this, stay strong.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Agree with Offred. He doesn't want you to tell people so he can get his story out first, or at least his spin on the situation.

He's a total cunt. The only good thing about this awful situation is that after this you can never take him back - and he doesn't deserve you. You must feel like someone's chucked a bucket of cold water over you and I am so sorry.

Try to be dignified and not waste your energy on thoughts of revenge. Save it for yourself and focus on your baby, your daughter and your future.

Don't blame this girl, it's easy to, but try not to. The suggestion that you name her as a co-respondent in a divorce is appalling. I see her as a victim too, I hope that doesn't sound offensive to you, you are very much the injured party. But she should be having fun with kids her own age, and will probably regret this deeply when she is grown up.

[MrsGwizz]

He's at his brother and SIL at the moment. Although he stayed out all night last apparently and didn't get back there til 4 o'clock this afternoon. I'm sure he's accepting alot of "support" from his "friends". He texted me at 5 to see how our DD is (first time he has contacted me since yesterday morning).
He had already told his brother that he and the 17 year old had only kissed (no mention of love) so I put them straight on that. They think he is severely depressed and I agree but I won't hang around in limbo waiting for him to sort his head out and dump his slut.
His dad did exactly the same thing to his mum just before my husband was born which is part of the reason why I never thought he could do this to me.

[Offred]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, it must be unbearable :(

I think when he made that comment about not wanting people to only have your side then I think it may have been a statement of intent to bad mouth you to all and sundry. In order to make you seem worse than him and his horrible abusive actions seem reasonable he will need to tell some spectacular lies and I would be prepared for claims the new baby is either not his or was forced on him etc and other nasty painful things. He has consistently made it clear through words and actions that he cares very much about appearances (and himself and not much else) he will not want to come off as the bad guy.

I think if this happens do not engage with him or it, if you don't fight back when he tries to fight with you then it will have to stop. If he bad mouths you around town this can be construed as harassment and a warning from the police could be used to shut him up. You simply stick to responding to people's questions truthfully and do not embellish with speculation, grit your teeth and don't be drawn in if this happens. Be hurt and sad rather than angry and spiteful seeming around other people.

You will eventually come off as dignified and people will wonder why he is full of so much hate. It will put the entire focus onto his story which will no doubt be outlandish and full of holes and it will help people see through it and him and importantly give him nothing to fight with you over.

I also think you need to focus on dc now and I think you need to sort out the separation and legal advice ASAP and also establish just what has happened with this girl because if he has had sex with/been grooming a 15 year old then child protection measures should be taken for his contact with dd, not because he should be accused of being a risk to her sexually but because he very clearly does not demonstrate a responsible attitude towards the law or women or children and dd needs to be kept away from his relationship with this teenager as it could be potentially quite damaging.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

OP, where is he now ?

[50shadesofmeh]

Sorry was thinking about a previous thread someone with a husband with a music studio in his garage posted

[MrsGwizz]

I haven't posted before. Have never been locked out of the garage.

[50shadesofmeh]

Op are you the poster who posted a while back about him locking the garage and not letting you in?

[DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou]

Is this the twat that locked you out of the garage? Have you changed the lock yet?

I'm so sorry you're in this position. If I wee you I think I might just phone anyone who needs to know and give them the bald facts so you don't have to have the conversation again every time you leave the house.

Sorry I haven't much more useful to offer.