Would you leave or get over it?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Would you leave your husband and father of your unborn baby to go and explore a curiosity about your sexuality? If not, can you ever get past that 'what if?' feeling?

[LittleEdie]

If you feel trapped now, that's likely to get worse once the baby's born and it will feel much harder to leave then. So on the basis of the info you've presented here I'd say go now.

[Conflugenglugen]

No, OP, don't stay. Go and explore. It is your life to live; it doesn't sound like it will work out at all with your husband; and denial of something that has been 'married away' to make it go will only cry out louder as the time goes by. Your husband might even find someone better suited to him. You might all be far more content in the long-run for your decision.

[MrsFlibble]

Confused55, Dont think if you were straight you could make it work, theres a possibility you'd still feel the same, if you dont love him then why stay?, your child deserves 2 happy parents apart, than 2 miserable parents together.

You need to think seriously about if you want to stay married or want to leave, dont make a quick decision then regret it afterwards.

[Strawhatpirate]

I think before you make decision either way you need to work out how you truely feel about your husband and marraige . If you feel unhappy and trapped then the right thing to do for everyone including your child is to end it.
I know its lot easier said than done but please try to avoid stress for yours and babys health

[boobyboo]

I probably wouldn't advise looking to explore your sexual side and/or find a new relationship when you are pregnant with your first child. It's difficult to trust your feelings when pregnant, and you need stability when you have a new baby. BUT that doesn't mean you shouldn't leave your husband now. You can have stability when you are single. Have you started to work things out from a practical perspective? I.e. how to leave, any support you will have with the baby, etc?

[ProcrastinatingPanda]

Put your sexuality and curiousness to one side, you're in a loveless marriage with a man you don't fancy, one which you were forced into. These alone are huge issues and enough to leave, don't let your curiosity cloud it as this isn't the main issue here.

[noisytoys]

From the child's perspective: my mum left my dad for another woman in the 80's. She felt forced to settle with a man because it wasn't accepted as much to be gay, but she was living a lie. My dad was a single dad because my parents didn't want the stigma of a child being brought up in a homosexual house (that stigma won't be an issue in 2012). My mum is still with the same partner. My dad is with my step mum 20 years on. Everyone is happy. No ones life was ruined and rather than lose family I gained a whole new family on both sides

[NicholasTeakozy]

If you're gay you and your child will be happier on your own, not married to a man you don't find attractive. Speaking as a man who has an ex who is now living with her lovely civil partner. Wishing you all the best.

[DaydreamDolly]

Of course you wouldn't be ruining your child's life. I am a single parent as my children's father left me for OW and I am pleased to report it hasn't ruined their lives thank you
OP, leave. It is a loveless marriage and better to get out now and forge a way to co parent without being together. Good luck.

[mypussyiscalledCaramel]

Leave!

My Mum spent 22 years with a man she didn't love and fucked my life up when I was 17 by leaving my Dad for another woman.

Its no different from leaving a relationship that doesn't work for you and staying single to bring up the baby

[HairyGrotter]

I would concentrate on the baby and you for the time being, now is not a time to be exploring sexuality. Give it time in terms of getting yourself on your own two feet, then get adapted to being a mum, then crack on with 'finding yourself sexually'.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

If you were straight, what are the chances you would be attracted to him anyway? The pool of people I am remotely attracted to shrinks every day

Hopefully, the fact that DH is a good man and a friend makes the chances of you being able to co-parent, and maybe find relationships that make you both happy, possible.

[LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops]

What a dreadful situation OP; as others have said, the loveless marriage is the issue. You've found the strength to cut off ties to controlling parents and next step is to leave the marriage so you can both move on. I hope that your husband can support you during the pregnancy and still be an involved father for your child's sake and that in time you can rebuild a relationship with your parents, albeit once you have left your marriage.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Thank you owedtoautumn, it's nice to hear of a positive outcome

[MisselthwaiteManor]

The only reason I'm so focused on my sexuality is I can't help feeling if I were straight and physically attracted to him we could make it work. He is a wonderful man and we were good friends before our marriage. It's just not what I want. But yes, I think you all have a good point.

[OwedToAutumn]

This is really hard, OP.

I don't have any experience of this, but I do think you should leave.

I think your DC will have a better childhood, if she/ he grows up experiencing happy parents, even if they live separately.

If you were pregnant, and single, I don't think posters would imply that you would be a bad mother, because you had no partner.

FWIW, I have a friend who left his wife for a man. His son (now an adult) is perfectly accepting of his father's partner. (I don't know his ExW, so can't tell you how she feels.)

Be true to yourself, and strong for your little one.

[TheDreadedFoosa]

Others have since said it far more succinctly.
Your sexuality is irrelevant really, its a loveless marriage. Leave.

[scentednappyhag]

If the prospect of staying makes you unhappy, then I'd say don't. Plenty of marriages end and the children are fine and happy in the end, the reason for leaving doesn't change that. A happy home is the main thing, regardless of whether that is with a mum and a dad or not. Your sexuality doesn't matter with regards to ending your marriage, your happiness does.
Sorry you're struggling OP

[Yama]

I'd leave.

[TheDreadedFoosa]

Barking in the sense that i assume your husband (and other family members) will look to dismiss your concerns and minimise your unhappiness with the marriage and if you present the break-up as being caused by your 'curiosity' then i think it will be fairly easy for them to do this due to you having got married and got pregnant not that long ago.

If you dont fel the need to justify yourself, and are confident about ending the marriage and not being talked round then say whatever you want to but i think it may make it easier to concentrate on you simpky not wanting to be in the marriage any more and not getting too bogged down in the details.

I feel very sorry for your husband but i think he will be better off eventually. It doesnt sound like much of a marriage.

Shame you didnt find the courage to end it before the pregnancy.

[PatriciaHolm]

If you don't love him and were forced in the (arranged?) marriage, leave. Sexuality is irrelevant at this point; your marriage is effectively over anyway as it never really should have happened.

Leave, make a life for yourself, and once everything is settled you can give time to whether future partners might be female, male or both.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

No, I don't think there is a general consensus. It may not be about your sexuality as much as the decision to stay in a loveless marriage. If you were in a loveless lesbian relationship, surely it would be just as bad as this.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

The general consensus is stay?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

He doesn't take it seriously at all, so I don't think that's an option.

[scentednappyhag]

Would he be open to letting you explore your sexuality? It's not for everyone, I know, but it works in some situations?