So you think your DH is odd? Mine thinks I bought him an oompaloompa...

[lynniep]

I put this on my fb status the other day, because sometimes I just have to share this stuff. You couldnt make it up!

I bought a car seat for DS2 the other day, and it arrived in a massive box.

When DH got home from work, he started doing this gurning thing he does when something is on his mind. (he does that, or breathes really heavily - breathing heavily means I've upset him, gurning just means something is bothering him)
I asked him why he was pulling faces. No I'm not telling you cos it'll just confirm you think I'm wierd, he says. Yes probably, I say, but tell me anyway. I doubt I'll be surprised.

I was worrying that it has no air holes he said. Go on - I prompt.
And then it all comes out. The short version being that he thought I bought him a midget as a present. (I know thats not pc, but with DH being pc is the least of our problems)
His first instinct/thought was that
a) I bought him a midget to do the housework and
b) it wouldnt be able to breathe.

I said to him I think you just described an oopmaloompa to me. He thought about that. Yes, he said, I think thats what I thought it might be. Just not orange.

So go on, give me some odd partner behaviour. Not just annoying behaviour - but really bizarre things!

[Shellywelly1973]

This is the funniest thread i have read in ages!!!

Op your description of events are so funny, im reading this & shaking with laughter... Brilliant! Your dp sounds fantastic!

[djelibeybi]

I have read that dwarf throwing competitions are popular in Australia.

Does he drink watery, yellow beer?

Have any of his relatives been transported for sheep-stealing?

Does he have mutually satisfying but possibly abusive relationships with marsupials?

Does he say "G'day" or "strewth" and call you "Sheila"?

It could be that he is drifting into Antipodeanism.

[sashh]

MNHQ - please put this in classics

[Pdoubleumpkin]

You couldn't make it up. Really?

[OlaRapaceFru]

So first he seriously thinks that you'd have a human being delivered to the house in a cardboard box and then mistakes the drill base for a Slendertone? Bloody hell, you must have some fascinating times in your house

Nope - absolutely can't compete with that.

Love the steam iron being used to 'water' the naan bread too

[lynniep]

djeli - he does in fact pine for a move back to Oz (we did live there for 18 months)
This could be because they are less pc (that is of course a sweeping generalisation, but it does have the 'feel' of being a couple of decades behind - especially in his favourite place the )
The dwarf throwing is something that has been mentioned on several occasions in our household
And he thinks kangaroos 'dangly bits' are the funniest thing ever. He will be 40 in a few months.

[lynniep]

I missed a word out there because I forgot what it was. Not actually a word. 'RSL'. A drinking establishment that is his ideal haven. They seem to have gone upmarket since we left, but the ones he liked were the ones similar to old style working mens clubs here, with cheap beer, large gaming areas, big screens fro the footy and large cafe areas with massive platefuls served, and colourful locals he could hold bizarre conversations with. As well as meat raffles...

[Moln]

Are Oompalumpas famed for doing hoousework?

[RudolphUcker]

Good Lord. I am lost for words.

[OlaRapaceFru]

I'd be intrigued to know what Mrlynniep does for a job - is his rather unique imagination a drawback or a benefit?

BTW, what is that green thing sweeping your patio - perhaps that's where DH got the idea that you can order Housework Oompalumpas over the internet? Or is it one of your gorgeous DC in fancy dress?

[fuzzpig]

by the puddings is honestly the funniest thing I've read in ages :o

What a crazy thread!

[AbigailAdams]

I wish I knew your husband OP . Although I can imagine living with him a little taxing!

Very funny

[PrattingAroundTheChristmasTree]

[Anniegetyourgun]

Good lord, I don't think even XH could compete with the oompaloompa (and would certainly have recognised part of a drill). He did once offer to construct a vibrator for me, presumably out of parts left lying around in the garage, but that was when we were splitting up so he was being extra peculiar (probably, but not certainly, on purpose). He also brought home a used pregnancy testing kit from a flat he was clearing out because, he said, I might find it useful.

[lynniep]

OlaRapacefru. He's an accountant. Yes really. He saves the wacky stuff for us :)

The dragon is my youngest who will be 3 tomorrow. Like many toddlers he likes dressing up and sweeping.

Abigailadams - yes living with him can be hard work. I am used to it though and he has toned down a LOT from when I met him. He has OCD which I tend not to even notice any more, I just take it for granted. (In fact I do some of his 'things' myself because I'm used to him asking me to - like taking the third paper down from the pile in the shop)

He is very very intelligent and very very good at his job. He has never failed to get a job he has gone for interview for.
Even the one where he was late because we had to stop off at tesco to buy him longjohns (he can't wear suit trousers against his skin and we forgot to bring some)
Even the one where he wore odd shoes and had his fly undone (they did tell him this at the end of the interview and asked him not to get dressed in the dark next time)
He will not take a job where suits are mandatory - fortunately he has always found work where they let him where his beige cords with a shirt!

[JockTamsonsBairns]

Love the cloves shopping one . On the subject of mishearing, I had this exchange with DH recently one evening when he arrived home from work.

DH: Oh, have you got diarrhoea?
ME: um, no
DH: It looks like you have
ME: Eh?
DH: It's a different colour than usual, like a dark brown.
ME: Wtf
DH: It looks nice
ME: Oh look, can we just stop this
DH: Christ, I was only being nice.
ME: Why would I have diarrhoea though?
DH: No, I asked you if you'd dyed your hair

[OlaRapaceFru]

You know what, lynniep? I was going to say that I thought your DH was either a mad but quite brilliant professor, or maybe works in a creative industry, creating perfectly and beautifully designed something-or-others!!

Not that there's anything wrong with being an accountant, but somehow a 'wacky accountant' sounds a bit like a oxymoron .

As Abigail says, he sounds great fun ... albeit a little taxing to live with .