Age old question I know - but is kissing another person cheating?

[DoIlooklikeapeopleperson]

And when I say kissing I mean snogging for 10 minutes on 3 separate occasions.

Would really like a simple yes or no.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

If the marriage is dead, then kill it off, don't snog other people and lie about it. If the marriage isn't dead then do some work on it. Snog your DH for example. The problem with this kind of thing, IMHO, is the following. Your marriage is stale and boring, fair enough. However, while you were kissing the OM, you were treating your DH like he was stupid, not worthy of respect and unimportant.

Cheating is hard for the cheated on. It is also really unhealthy for the cheater. You have to decide if you can treat your DH with respect and honesty from now on. I understand why people are saying not to tell him. However, don't let that be an excuse to treat him with contempt by doing this again.

[susiedaisy]

[OneMoreChap]

susiedaisy
I agree with OMC
Not all that often I hear that

[susiedaisy]

I agree with OMC

[perceptionreality]

definitely cheating

[OneMoreChap]

FFS don't tell DH. I'm so pleased you said he'll never know.

Yes, it was cheating, but if you're not going to do it again, don't try and make yourself feel better by making him feel worse.

If you do feel like doing it again... you might feel better about yourself if you actually separate before you do it.

[PotPourri]

Just saw your latest post OP - good for you fessing up. Yes - treat as a wake up call. You need to do something positive now, not sweep under the carpet

[PotPourri]

D'uh - yes! How could anyone think it's not?

[scottishmummy]

yes,
and don't accept any psychobabble about dh should have treated you better
you weren't coerced,you cheated,you liked it

[Anniegetyourgun]

Well done for putting a stop to it. Now work at reviving (or if appropriate, ending) your marriage. Call it a wake-up call if you like.

[ScooseIsLooseInTheHauntedHoose]

IMO yes it is

[VoiceofUnreason]

Yes.

[DoIlooklikeapeopleperson]

It's me.

I won't bore you with the gory details, suffice to say it's the usual thing.
Long term marriage gone a bit stale & predictable - another man pays me attention and makes me feel alive and desirable - I liked it ( a lot )
It's over now and dh will never know, I'm just feeling sick and disgusted with myself for falling into the trap. I've been trying to convince myself that I haven't been unfaithful as we did nothing other than kiss, but I'm only fooling myself ( clearly )


Thank you again for your replies - they really have helped.

[Sluginthejam]

Yes

[Anniegetyourgun]

"I think cheating is anything the person you are in a relationship would consider cheating."

Well, anything they would reasonably consider cheating. XH had, shall we say, a rather wider definition than most.

[dublindee]

Yep - that's definitely cheating in my book.

[BelaLugosisShed]

Prolonged kissing/snogging is sexual, it's every bit as intimate and arousing as any other kind of sex, of course it's cheating.

[OhDeerHauntingFENTON]

Ah well, YouOldSlag, my comment was actually more in response to sooperdooper's too, not yours.

[TinyDancingHoofer]

Yes, once would be cheating

[hugoagogo]

Yes

[NotADriveBy]

NatashaBee - I've actually had this type of discussion, as I didn't want to reach a situation in the future where he could justifiably say, 'I didn't know you'd be bothered by that'. Luckily we both discovered we have similar (very broad!) definitions of cheating.

[KrispyCakehead]

I don't think you can snog someone for ten minutes "by mistake".. as in "by accident"!

I can appreciate that someone might want to.. even in a happy/commited relationship elsewhere. We are human. We have these urges. But to DO it is cheating in my book. In most books presumably. We have a choice whether to give in to our urges..

What comes next (ie end of realtionship... or not) is down to the individuals.. their definitions of cheating.. degree of hurt causesd.. ability to trust in future.. importance placed on that...

My answer may be too long. Subject close to my heart, clearly..

[StuntGirl]

Depends on where individuals draw their own personal boundaries.

It would be cheating for me, yes.

[Narked]

Yes