Is it my place to worry?

[FullofNuts]

First post here so I hope that I have posted in the correct place. I need some advice and cannot really ask anyone I know.

I am currently in a refuge and have been here just over 6 weeks with my daughter who is 4. I have spent some time chatting with another woman here and she has 4 daughters, 2 around the same age as my daughter so they play together and we visit the park/soft play together sometimes.

She has 4 daughters, a 10 year old who I get the impression that there may have been some abuse in the relationship with her father from things she and daughter has said, this relationship ended and she went on to have 2 more daughters with another man who are 5 and 3, she told me they just grew apart and split up, she then went on to have her last daughter with her most recent partner , she said this was a very quick relationship and I get the impression it was quite an abusive relationship. She fled and came into the refuge when her youngest was 5 days old- she is now 5 months.

She has been offered a house in the town next to where we are and is waiting for this to have some work done before she is able to move.

Today she was out for the day with her parents from another town nearby and was gone for most of the day. On returning she said that she could not find her phone charger and her phone was dead. I said that as I did not have the same charger she could put her sim in my phone so she can at least let parents know she got back ok.

When she returned my phone several texts were in my inbox under a females name. I am concerned about these texts and do not know what to do. I called the number privately and the person who answered is male. The texts were saying things like. I am worried that now you are getting house you won't want me in your life anymore, you know how I get if you don't answer your phone, I know you are busy looking after our girls but I need you to answer me so I know you still want me.

I am worried for this woman and her daughters as this does not sound like the sort of relationship she should be in especially if it was to be someone with whom she was in an abusive relationship with before. I do not know if I should talk to her about it, or to let the staff know. It will be obvious it was me who told and I do not want to stop her from being able to move.

What would everyone else do?

Sorry this is so long. thanks

[KillerRack]

I would mention what you have seen discreetly and ask them to handle it discreetly.

those girls need someone to protect them and it sounds like it will never be their mum.

good luck.

[FullofNuts]

Hi everyone,
Just want to thank everyone who gave me advice.

I had a word with the staff on Monday about my friend, I also told my friend that I had told the staff as would be obvious it was me. She was a bit mad at first but I she has now calmed down and is still talking to me!

It turned out that she had started a relationship with the father of her 2nd and 3rd daughters with whom there was no violence. However the staff are concerned (as I was) about the nature and language in the messages I found, they are now working with my friend to support her with this.

As my friend didn't really speak to me and was a bit angry on Monday it kind of got out what had happened from her to other people in the refuge. This then lead to somebody coming forward to report that another person had been seeing her ex (also a woman) who she had fled here from.

Its been a heavy week here, going to my mums tomorrow afternoon for the whole weekend which will be a welcome escape and hope for a more settled week next week.

Thank you all once again, if it were not for the advice on here I may have stayed quiet.

[Bigwheel]

Well done op, it must of been tough, for you and everyone living and working in the refuge, but you def did the right thing and you should be very proud of yourself or doing so. It must have taken a lot of balls. All the best for your furture x