6 months with no sex & my Fanjo is getting...

[sexonthebrain]

desperate !
Apparently
(according to HER -my Fanjo)
it's all got so desperate I should accept any offer
(however bizarre/acrobatically challenging/ just down right dirty & depraved
Anyone else's Fanjo ruling their heads at the moment?
I ran into a friend of a friend today, known him for years, in no way have I EVER had anything than mild repulsion when we've met before; today my Fanjo decided to start imagining all sots of erotic thoughts while he talked about his allotment.
It's not as if I've had any offers, but I keep dreaming the sort of dreams that would make a fortune in the Porn industry!
FFS how do you cope with no all bank holiday sexathons intimate contact

[izzyizin]

I do so hope you'll change your name, sandu. Women may get sad sometimes but they're never useless, honey.

How about ''manfree&loving it' or 'noclaphere'?

[sadanduseless]

beans - you're a few years ahead of me but I no longer care about having a partner! The more I read on MN, the less I want one! Had all the humiliation of going to the "special" clinic - that was an eye-opener, I can tell you! The place was packed!

Best wishes to OP in her particular quest!

[beansmum]

6 months - is that all? Wait until it has been 8 YEARS, then you can complain.

[sadanduseless]

No advice from me; sorry!

Really had a good laugh at the comments on your thread,OP - MN is not all misery!

Good luck to you and your fanjo!

[izzyizin]

Feel the fear and do it anyway - you only live this life once.

Bravo, Harlot. For me, the key to promiscuity sexual liberation is in the distance from my home and I indulge in solo jaunts outside the UK to immerse myself in wanton walks on the wild side cultural pursuits.

The thought of an English allotment in this weather is more than enough to dampen my ardour but my libido rises off the chart incrementally in warm & sunny countries where there is an abundance of hot Latino men and non-Brit/Yanktourists from more northern climes.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Mad isn't it? For me it was the thought of having to get my ageing child-raddled body out in front of someone else. Makes the sex all the better when you feel desired by someone new

[sexonthebrain]

Thankyou x
Sort of needed permission

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Just go and get some.

When my marriage was over, I picked up some guy from the internet.... went to his home town a long way away, sent him a text telling him the hotel and the room number - and answered the door in my underwear

It was so empowering. Do it!

[sexonthebrain]

cheers , onto it now

[izzyizin]

Sex has as much meaning as you want to get out of it, or put into it.

If you're going to hang around waiting for Mr Absolutely Right, your poor fanjo's going to be climbing the wall and you're best advised to get your rocks off with the likes of Mr Allotment Holder.

[izzyizin]

Unless you add bromide, cocoa is unlikely to calm your fanjo.

If you can't be arsed with months of solitary pelvic exercises before your fanjo gets the relief it's craving, simply make 'well-endowed' one of the essential attributes you are looking for in a date.

[sexonthebrain]

Thanks, I'll have a look; it's all new to me and didn't realise the lack of sex would be quite such an issue IYSWM
I was just so grateful to be out of such an EA relationship at the time, grateful for the free & easy life but miss MEANINGFUL sex
Will I evr have it again?

[midwife99]

I found the more expensive the dating site the more likely the blokes are to be normal. Free sites to be avoided!!!

[sexonthebrain]

midwife99 - Fanjo hasn't seen herself recently in a mirror so is deluded & not to be trusted.
I did try the dating site thing at the beginning, but it was just offers from sickoswho were quite happy to give me their (local) address ?!? - avoid area with DC's

[sexonthebrain]

LoL
Maybe you're right...

I'll make some cocoa and pet the rabbit
signs upto deparaved dating site

[midwife99]

Yes I do agree - vibrators aren't very good kissers for a start! I think fanjo wants you to start dating!!!

[midwife99]

Ha ha izzy!

[izzyizin]

That's more advisable than letting your fanjo think about it what it could get up to with seven dwarves, honey.

Why not follow midwife example? Get thee to a dating site, marry 2 of the buggers, and you won't have to worry about rabbits nibbling at Mr Allotment Holder's meat and two veg.

[sexonthebrain]

midwife99 You can't really surprise yourself with a vibrator tho can you?
I s'pose I miss the unexpected thrill sex in a relationship can be when it's right & wonderful & they know you so well, how long would it take to get that again???

I may need to start writing my manual now

[midwife99]

Rampant rabbit thruster is an essential bedroom stopgap!

[sexonthebrain]

izzyizin
you see !!! Now I'm thinking of Cinderella & that F*ing pumpkin
AKissIsNotAContract that does normally do the trick but the sort of things my Fanjo has in mind they don't make replicas for

[sexonthebrain]

SerendipitousHarlot - no, I'm 40. it's more that after 25 years of regular sex I'm finding it a bit hard to 'enjoy' my free time now my ass of a H is an Ex H
Am hoping the renders me unconscious tonight or I'll end up thinking about his C* all nite

[midwife99]

A few pelvic floor exercises will sort out any cave issues! There are some men on dating sites who do want a longer term thing - I married 2 of them!

[izzyizin]

Either sit it in a bucket of cold water or make some dosh out of your fanjo by letting it dictate erotic scripts

Here's some titles to be going on with:
Rampant rogering on the allotment
Cunnilingus in the cabbage patch
What she found up the beanstalk
He put his prize winning carrot to good use
They got fruity with the salad

Or you could go out, find a random bloke, and shag his brains out make his day

[AKissIsNotAContract]

If casual sex is not an option then wanking is your only other option.