Men and their bowels

[WineGoggles]

This is lighthearted, and I suppose it is to do with relationships...
I?m curious, do men have different digestive systems to women? I mean, why is it that when I need a poo it is a swift operation, in and out of the toilet in a couple of minutes, but when any of my BFs have ?needed? one they spend ages in there. When I mentioned it to my BF he said it?s because he thinks he may need one so goes and tries, to which I say, ?why not wait until you know you need one imminently?? Surely an adult knows the difference in the feelings between needing one in 15 minutes and having one in the departure lounge. They don?t think ?ah, I may need a pee in half an hour so I?ll go to the bathroom and wait around until it happens? do they! Any ideas? It does seem to be a man thing, or are you ladies just like the men I?ve had in my life?

[HedleyLamarr]

That's what I call drawing an ace out of the pack Sanjeev :o

[Sanjeev]

There is not much in life more satisfying than a good dump in work. My Mrs always waits until she gets home, but I would much rather get paid for 'crimping off a length'. If it is a particularly 'efficient' one, we quite often comment in the office that it was perfectly possible to put the paper back on the roll after wiping

[QuacksForDoughnuts]

When I first lived with OH I had to ban him from pooing immediately before I had a bath - it takes half an hour of open window (in any weather - I'd prefer snow on the bog seat to the alternative tbh) to make the stench manageable. I also have to rotate the handwash we use because each one becomes associated in my nose/mind with his poo, and hence I start to hate it. There was one particular incident when I had to wee and couldn't hold it any longer so I ventured into the bathroom before the smell had cleared - my years of experience of festival portaloos paled into insignificance...

[MustControlFistOfDeath]

I'll see your ''touching cloth'' and raise you ''cutting a tooth''

(Not literally see obv, that would be a little intrusive )

I think me and my mates must all fall into the man category. We're always discussing size, consistency, frequency etc - DP is frankly unamused

[21YrOldMan]

lol. One of my housemates reads in the loo. I don't get it either. I'm out in 5 minutes, unless it's a leatherback sea turtle, if you get my drift....

I do give warning (just in case DP wants to go before I stink the place out) and take pride if it's especially stinky or large. It's called toilet humour... probably on the wrong forum for that though! ;)

[kaluki]

chewing cloth!
I have to say that my DP is very good in that he will open windows and spray a bit of air freshener after. You'd hardly know what he had done if it wasnt for the amount of time he spent in there!
But WHY WHY WHY would you run a hot bath, have a dump, then get in bath with the smell of warm poo surrounding you. Two of my exes used to do this and it used to make me heave when they opened the bathroom door.
Men are vile creatures!

[Jewson]

If women were taking that long we'd get a shout up the stairs were ru or DH wud b lingering outside the door plus mums never get to poo in peace my 2yr old won't let me

[Freshlettice]

and another thing, my son even takes his laptop in there, what the heck is that all about? then he moans because I won't let him put it on the kitchen table as he's been sitting shitting with it.

[Freshlettice]

it's such a bizarre phenomonon see, I get up, put the kettle on, get the coffee
ot ready, pop to the loo, back to kitchen, kettle's boiling...
Whereas DH takes cup of coffee and paper into the downstairs loo (won't let him stink out upstairs) and is 20-30 mins in there. Yet when he gets ready to go you can't get in his way because ' it's on it's way out ' I just don't get it.
His brother is the only man I know who poos like a woman. In, sorted, out. job done.

[MuckyStudent]

Oh my ex was a bastard for this! You could guarantee he'd "need" a shit right before everyone else needed to use the bathroom in a morning or right before we were due to go out - I think men use their arses as a way to control the situation and those around them. My ex would spent at least 40 minutes in there.

Men tend to get turned on by pooing though don't they so who knows?

[SkinnedAlive]

There must be a dr here that can answer this unsolved mystery????? I have always wondered about it too. I mean with male animals, who also have a prostate, they just get on with it and don't mess around I have never met a man that does not linger in the loo. It must be psycological. I mean what do they do if caught short at work? They can't just sit there for half an hour surely?

[moogster1a]

I'd just like to add the phrase " touching cloth"

[Lueji]

Man here too. :-)

I just stay reading or on the iPod. Sometimes on MN.

TMI alert:
Ex would just go every few days and usually be reasonably fast. The problem was the amount produced and how hard it was and the amount of toilet paper he used.
I had to make him unclog the toilet once.

[carlywurly]

This is grim and probably TMI but I once asked DP about this and he admitted that it is an oddly pleasurable feeling for blokes. Not sexual, particularly, but if you think where the prostate gland is, it makes sense that it might be a nice sensation.

Ewww. As you were.

[discrete]

Actually I read somewhere that men produce considerably more poo than women on average (less efficient digestive systems or summat) so that may be part of the reason.

Personally I just think it's an excuse to get away from me/the kids and get some peace and quiet. I used to promise dh if he wanted to read on the sofa instead I would not utter a pipsqueak but he never took me up on it.....

I know he doesn't need to though, because once when we were staying in a place where the loo was freezing cold and full of spiders he used to spend just as little time in there as I did....

[whackamole]

Oh dear, I think I am a man.

[Gay40]

I don't think it's any different with women. Honestly.

[Jewson]

Men defo wouldn't cope with periods they'd think they were dying and they'd stay in bed all say whining

[OMGBFP]

sexy poos?????!

[CallieJ]

Imagine if men had periods we would never hear the end of it!

[CallieJ]

Herbaceous! My DH is exactly the same with the announcements... TMI if you ask me I just don't want to know

[herbaceous]

Re announcements, I nipped my DP's in the bud in the early days of our co-habitation by saying 'I'm just nipping upstairs to change my tampon'. When met with objection, just said it was similarly (un)interesting and irrelevant as him telling me of his intention to defecate.

Haven't had a peep out of him since.

[kaluki]

And why does man poo smell so much fouler than ours? We eat the same food so why???
Lol @ grandma at the window!!!!

[starfishmummy]

Dh is never there long either.

[Kikithecat]

The males of my house regularly block the system with oversized offerings. I think it must be akin to giving birth, hence the length of time needed (and the early warning contractions they get).