Being controlled or just compromising?

[backtothedrawingboard]

Im trying to understand the breakdown of my relationship and have found myself questioning how much I have contributed to my situation. It would be easy for me to claim emotional abuse on the basis of how my H has behaved both to me and DCs. However, really it was me that allowed him to have his own way so surely I have just compromised.

When he wanted a particular kind of car and I wanted to buy another, I went with his decision because we couldn't agree. When he wants our DCs to be in bed at a particular time and I let them stay up because I would prefer them to go to bed happy, surely he has to compromise.

So when you "give in" to your partner is it compromise or do you see it as them being controlling?

[CactusRash]

BTW backtothedrawingboard you should never be in a position where you feel you have/should have won (or he has won).
Because that's not what an equal respectful relationship is about. It's not a battle ground.

[anonacfr]

livingontheedge your H sounds as bad as the OP's. Not able to be seen in a certain car, making you repaint the living room FOUR TIMES! (Seriously, why did you???)

That's not what I call a perfectionist...

[livingonthedge]

making you repaint the living room FOUR TIMES! (Seriously, why did you???)
I stuck testers up; he wanted the colour from our last house (magnolia); I wanted something a bit darker. He didn't like any of them; said that he didn't care and that I could do what I liked. So I picked a colour and painted. He hated it - kept moaning all the time, every evening, couldn't sit in there, no one i ntheri right minds would choose that colour, room now depressed him etc etc. So I said "what do you want then" - and back to the magnolia or nothing etc etc. Basically became easier to repaint then put up with the constant moaning. In th eend I did manage to find a combination which he did like which wasn't magnolia so wasn't all bad :)

[HecateGoddessOfTheNight]

I made my husband repaint our living room three times in a week because I didn't like the shade of cream.

But we laughed about it and it was all very friendly. And that's what matters I think. How you feel about the way something is gone about.

When I read these stories of how you are being treated, it makes me so sad because you deserve so much more.