Caught between being a "modern woman" and a bit of a housewife

[Poley]

My dp is a good lad. He cooks, does the food shopping, and is a lovely dad to our new baby. He is currently unemployed and when he isnt doing the above hes on his playstation or doing pointless things on his laptop. Since dd was born Ive had days where Ive either been ill or spent the day having a "babymoon" and during these times the house ends up looking a tip, with him just sitting there on his laptop oblivious. He doesnt like doing any washing-up, hoovering or ironing, so just doesnt bother!
Part of me thinks oh well hes a man, he doesnt feel the same way about cleaning and tidying as I do, but the other part of me thinks for Gods sake, why are you just sitting on your arse all day, please tidy up after yourself at least!!!

Whats the general consensus on this, am I wrong to think he should think like me when it comes to the cleanliness of the house? Or should I just accept that if I want things done then I'll have to do them myself!

[Hullygully]

I remember very clearly as a child watching my mother cook tea for us, then dinner for Dad, then clear it all up, and then, once they were sitting on the sofa watching telly, he would say, Ooo I fancy a little snack, perhaps some cheese on toast, and she would jump up and make it with a smile.

I was about 10 or 11 and I thought with utter horror that I would never be a wife and what a shit life women had.

So it might work for your dd.

[TheBolter]

This attitude that men should be getting some kind of special dispensation from housework makes my blood boil. This stems from my dh and the amount of arguments we have over his messiness and inability to share housework willingly. He was brought up in a male-dominated household where his mother did EVERYTHING, and allowed my fil to treat her at times like she was shit on his shoe.

I'm slowly starting to win the battle with dh, but I have a lasting resentment towards my mil for failing to whip her boys (including her husband) into shape. Dh, while brilliant and lovely and everything a wife could ever want, does find it hard deep down to accept this new order of doing things - quite clearly he was brainwashed into a particular way of looking at woman's work as he was growing up. Still, he's better than his dbs, one of whom has a martyr of a wife, and his fil - now alone due to mil's illness - lives in a swamp of crap...

[InPraiseOfBacchus]

waves a copy of Delusions of Gender clears throat

Worth a read. I'm just saying.

[HardCheese]

It's the title of this thread that alarms me somewhat, when it's nothing to do with the OP's identity as a 'housewife' or 'modern woman' (I thought it was going to be about problems with adjusting to being a stay at home mother after being a high-flying professional), but about an inequitable sharing of hosuework between two people who are both currently not in paid work!

OP, the possession of testicles doesn't confer selective housework blindness ('Oh my God, I've been struck blind - I literally cannot grope my way to the ironing board!') - that is just another version of the old 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' claptrap. Also, no one likes ironing, hoovering or washing up, because they are dull repetitive tasks - having a vagina doesn't automatically make you all enthusiastic about them.

You are both currently at home all day, so you are both equally reponsible for running the house, with wiggle-room for him making genuine efforts to find work and both of you looking after the baby.

[Sofiaintherye]

So he cooks and does the food shopping. I'm impressed Poley, why don't you buy him a medal? I presume he likes the eating part too.
He might be a good lad but he's obviously a lazy one too. Tell him to move his arse and start doing his 50% share of the work. You will be less tired and he will be more fit.

[Poley]

Thanks for the comments everyone :)

Food for thought!